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Section 1 - What our thoughts, attitudes and emotions really mean

Spiritual cause of...
Hiccups
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About the process
The process of becoming self-aware begins by seeing that we, ourselves, really do have negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions, belief systems and desires. The next steps - inner child work and meditation - go hand in hand and are the means by which we become self-aware. They teach us how we came to be the person we are today. Armed with self-awareness, self-respect and resolution of inner child issues, our lives take on new meaning. The pain and negativity from the past seem to magically disappear: Not because we're ignoring it or medicating it, but because we have dealt with the past. We become less inclined to judge, criticize and condemn because we know that we are all the same - we are all capable of anything, given the right circumstances. Self-awareness enables us to forgive, it frees us from dwelling in the past and it enables us to truly treat others as we would like to be treated, without needing them to respond in kind. This does not mean that we must allow others to treat us poorly, but it does mean that we become empowered to say 'no' to unreasonable demands or abusive treatment without feeling guilty, angry or resentful - without going on a drinking binge, or a shopping spree, or a cleaning frenzy, or whatever our favourite self-punishment or -medication happens to be.

It's all too easy to just deny that we ever have negative thoughts, attitudes or emotions, but it's seldom our intention to have them. They just seem to happen, almost like a reflex. These habitual thought patterns easily slip by unnoticed. Constant repetition of such negative messages can only harm us, yet we say them to ourselves (and others!) day in and day out. It's not that we're "bad" for having negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions; rather, it's up to us to recognize and change them. The thoughts, attitudes and emotions (positive or negative) are the great equalizer, for we all have them - no matter who we are, or where we live, or what we do for a living. Many people become frustrated when they make repeated attempts to change their physical appearance or surroundings and find that nothing seems to have changed at all. To truly change self requires changing the thoughts, attitudes and emotions.
Common responses to everyday experiences and what they really mean


Saying this


Means

 


Saying this


Means

I'm not talking to you anymore.
I wish he/she would just die.
I'll kill myself if you do/don't...
They'll / you'll be sorry when I'm gone.
Abandonment   Gasp! I could never...
Gasp! What if...
Fear
Why can't I / you ever...
Why do you always...
When is it going to be my turn?
How could you do this to me?
Anger   I'll just hang onto this in case...
I'll keep the best part, but you can have the rest.
I don't want it, but I'll keep it so that you can't have it.
Greed
It's ok if I break the law.
It's ok if I cheat.
Arrogance   I don't deserve anything good in my life.
I should/shouldn't have done it.
It's my fault and I should be punished.
Guilt
I can't do it right now because...
I'll just do this one thing and then I'll...
Avoidance   He/she is a bad parent.
What a stupid idiot!
Judgment / Criticism
You made me fail.
You made me hurt you.
Blame / Victim   If I don't do it, it won't get done right.
It has to be done this way.
Always looking for others' mistakes.
Perfectionism
Bad drivers shouldn't be allowed on the roads.
You made a mistake so you should never be forgiven.
Condemnation   I hate you and I will never forgive you. Resentment
Call me when you get home so I don't have to worry.
Give me a break.
Let me do it. You should...
Control   I will never forget how I was hurt and I will use it as an excuse to hurt anyone/everyone.
What goes around comes around.
God will hurt you for me.
I will make you pay for hurting me.
Revenge
If you would just...
It's good except...
Criticism   What about me? Me, me, me... Let's talk about me and my (family, friends, pets, experiences, hobbies, job)...anything, so long as I don't have to listen to you. Self-importance
I just know I'll be the one to get hurt.
"They" can't be trusted.
Distrust   I would never hurt anyone the way you've hurt me.
At least I'm not like that person.
God will punish you, but he'll forgive me.
Self-righteousness
I'm so good/I'm so bad.
Everybody needs me - I'm indispensable.
Everybody hates me.
I know what's best.
Ego   What if...
If I do this, then he/she will...
Worry
Next step...how to change your response
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Last updated 2012-01-09
Helping people identify and change the thoughts, attitudes and emotions that create negative life patterns