Our Spiritual Nutrition

This website presents the process by which to become spiritually self-aware.
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Section 6 - Spiritual glossary

This section gives the spiritual aspect of many human expressions (thoughts, attitudes and emotions) along with some behaviours and a few commonly spoken words or phrases. If something seems frightening or just plain wrong, ask the Universal Intelligence about it during meditation or contact the author.

For purposes of this website, the following meanings are used:
Thoughts - ideas formed into language using either words, images or symbols, that may or may not be spoken aloud.
Attitudes - arise from our thoughts and belief systems.
Emotions - arise from our thoughts and attitudes, albeit at lightning fast speed.
Belief sytems (also 'beliefs') - stories we use to justify our attitudes, desires and behaviours.
Desires - things we tell ourselves that we need or want, resulting from our thoughts, attitudes and beliefs.
Behaviours - actions we take as a result of our thoughts, attitudes, emotions, beliefs and desires.

New  Optimism   Observation mode   Flat tire
Updated Greed   Pessimism   Déjà vu

See full list

TermSpiritual meaning
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)
Overwhelming desire to run away from a difficult situation. Can become a habitual response to our trigger issues. Can take many forms:
  • Withholding communication as a punishment (see cold shoulder, isolation, rejection)
  • Escaping a situation via the use of a chemical substance (food, drugs or alcohol)
  • Doing things to exclude others (listening to loud music, reading a book, playing/working on computer, using a cellphone, watching television or movies)
  • Abruptly hanging up the telephone on someone with whom we have just had a disagreement or abruptly turning one’s back or leaving the room during a conversation
  • Wishing that a disagreeable neighbour would just move away
  • Refusing to have further dealings of any sort with someone after they have done something that meets with our displeasure (can come from resentment or a need for revenge)
  • Having a death wish for anyone with whom emotional difficulties are encountered on a somewhat regular basis (spouse, child, employer, teacher, colleague, etc.)
  • Threatening (or attempting) suicide. In the case of suicide (or any negative behaviour), it is important to remember that we are responsible only for our behaviours, and we have the ability to choose. Suicide threats can be the ultimate temper tantrum
Sounds like: I quit. I give up. Do it yourself. I don't care.
Spiritual effects: Unable or unwilling to complete projects and/or to persevere through difficult times
Physical effects: Addictions, obsessive/compulsive disorder, heel spurs, hip and knee problems,heart disease, lung problems
Change the pattern: Instead of running away, speak. Say what's on your mind. Even if you think the other person does not want to hear it or does not care what you think, say it, instead of abandoning the person or the situation. See fear of abandonment, reverse abandonment
(thought, emotion)
Strong feeling of displeasure or hostility. Anger cannot be dealt with and released if it is repressed or suppressed, and it can then become resentment. People can use the threat of an angry outburst to control and manipulate others. If we allow our fear of someone's angry outburst to prevent us from speaking Truth, we might be blaming her or him for our own behaviour. The fear of confrontation can prevent us from expressing our true feelings of displeasure, but we still feel them. The energy it takes to suppress them creates stress and tension in the body, which can then develop into illness or create injury-causing accidents.

Of course, the energy that anger provides can also be used to bring about positive changes too; it can be channelled into finding creative solutions for problems that seem otherwise impossible to solve.
Sounds like: Why can't you ever...? Why do you always...? When is it going to be my turn? or How could you do this to me?
Spiritual effects: Unable or unwilling to feel satisfied unless others are upset
Physical effects: Heartburn/indigestion, liver problems, depression, migraine headaches, skin disorders, heart disease and stroke, accidents, and, ultimately, general systems failure
Change the pattern: Meditate to find the root cause for holding onto anger instead of expressing it. Develop the habit of asking questions instead of assuming we already understand
(thought, emotion)
Intense feelings of dread, uneasiness or apprehension that arise for no apparent reason. Can become so overwhelming that panic sets in. These feelings are a reflection of fearful thoughts within that have not been recognized or acknowledged. Simply stifling the feelings only provides short-term relief, and contributes to becoming addicted to constant turmoil, with unsolvable problems requiring everyone's attention. The trouble is, we do not want to solve the problems - we just want to continue telling everyone about them. It can seem to others as though we are using them as a way to avoid being held responsible.

Anxiety can be a family pattern that worsens with successive generations; however, with all the help that is available nowadays, hopefully more and more people will resolve their anxieties and teach their children to do so
Spiritual effects: Unable or unwilling to trust
Physical effects: The physical results of long-term anxiety can be heart disease, lung problems and skin disorders, as well as nervous behaviours like shaky hands, nail-biting, repetitive scratching, inability to concentrate or focus on the matter at hand, moving with sudden, jerky movements
Change the pattern: Spiritually: Meditate to identify the underlying fear and its spiritual component. Resolve the reasons for choosing to react to life in this particular way. Physically: Learn to breathe better
(thought, attitude)
Attitude that places self above all others, and a tendency to announce this superiority to others. Can come from over self-confidence. Arrogance says that rules and laws apply only to others. Arrogance is a lack of respect for others and their possessions or boundaries, and/or their needs and feelings.

Arrogance can be seen in bullies, who tend to be loud, aggressive and controlling. Arrogant people feel justified in whatever they are doing, yet make no attempt to understand or excuse anyone else's behaviour. They behave as if the world owes them a debt, or as if meeting their needs should be everybody's top priority. Arrogant people often miss or are late for appointments and scheduled events. See passive/aggressive behaviour
Sounds like: It's ok if I break the law. It's ok if I cheat. It's ok if I hold onto anger and resentment and seek revenge
Spiritual effects: Difficulty in building and/or maintaining meaningful relationships, fragile sense of self
Physical effects: Addictions, gallbladder inflammation, knee problems, bi-polar disorder, babbling, hypothyroidism, obesity, walking with stiff arms
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn who we are really trying to hurt and why
At least
(thought, attitude)
Using these words to compare self to another shows that judgment, criticism and condemnation have taken place
Sounds like: "Well at least I'm not like that person". See self-righteousness
Attribution bias
(thought, attitude)
Tendency to hold others to a high standard of morals and ethics, being quick to condemn if we perceive them to have failed to live up to them, whilst happily excusing our own failure to do so by blaming external events.
Looks like: Someone cuts us off in traffic and we immediately blame them for being a jerk, an inconsiderate driver. We cut someone off in traffic and blame any or all of the following for making us do so: other drivers, road or weather conditions, our need to speed to make an appointment on time. We have no way to know whether a driver habitually drives in such a fasion, or if they are dealing with an emergency situation
Change the pattern: Be as generous with others as we are with ourselves. Extend to them the benefit of the doubt
Authority figure For children, an authority figure is one in whose care we are placed and whom we are taught to trust and obey. For adults, this is anyone who has power and control over us. Can be any of the following: parents, teachers, caregivers, babysitters, person providing professional services (doctors, lawyers, etc.), coaches, group leaders, employers, religious leaders, government representatives, police, etc. A spiritual breach of trust occurs if authority figures abuse their position of power at the expense of those in their care. Can also take the form of withholding necessities of life (physical, spiritual or both)
(thought, behaviour)
Wanting to postpone, indefinitely, actions that need to be taken or decisions that need to be made. Can seem similar to dawdling, but avoidance is delaying doing something and dawdling is doing whatever needs to be done but at a snail's pace. Avoidance can affect every part of our lives, and can annoy anyone with whom we have dealings.

Fear of failure or of success can cause this behaviour, along with a fear of being held responsible. It is infuriating if we are waiting for a decision, but those with this pattern feel imprisoned - they are stuck right where they are, unable to move in any direction. Children not taught how to choose wisely can grow up dreading making choices, and can find collaboration with others nearly impossible.

The term, "productive procrastination" has been coined for those who fool themselves into thinking that they are so busy being productive that they cannot possibly find the time to make seemingly momentous decisions. See blame, victim
Sounds like: I can't take the time to decide today because my spouse, children, pet, boss... need my help. I'll just do this one thing and then I'll have the time to think about it. I’m just too tired to think about it
Looks like: Being preoccupied or pretending to be busy whenever someone wants our attention
Note: When working with the Universal Intelligence to resolve inner conflicts, the desire to avoid resolution will be honoured unless we state to our guide that even though there may be fear, our true desire is to deal with the past and look for full understanding and Universal Truth
Spiritual effects: Unable or unwilling to start or finish projects, risk of becoming a victim of nagging
Physical effects: Hoarding, sensory problems or failure (hearing, seeing, memory, etc.). Sometimes we can want so badly to avoid doing something that we wish for illness so that we can escape our duties without blame. The long-term result of such a wish can be chronic ailments or even hypochondria. Avoidance can also create co-dependency between the one avoiding and the one nagging
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn what we are trying to create by avoiding making decisions. Visit WikiHow and read Practice making decisions
Basic spiritual needs In addition to certain basic living requirements, humans also have basic spiritual needs. If they go unmet or are purposely withheld, we can develop negative behaviours which in turn contribute to the creation of illness and injuries. They are, just to name a few, compassion, love, encouragement, kindness, forgiveness, patience, privacy, respect, understanding
Belief systems We often make blanket statements to ourselves that reflect how we feel about self or the world in which we live. They can result from our caregivers’ reactions to our early childhood experiences, or from our caregivers’ explanations as to why they happened, or from trying to figure things out on our own. We repeat them whenever there is a similar experience in later life, to justify our choices or actions. They are most often founded not in truth but in biased or egocentric opinions:
  • “I caused my parents to divorce because I was a bad child” - Repeated whenever we are about to succeed or find happiness. Can result from a lack of communication from our caregivers about important life events over which we as children had no control. Creates a fear of abandonment, low or unstable self-esteem, and/or unresolved grief
  • “No one ever believes me or takes me seriously” - Repeated before we speak. Can result from authority figures repeatedly saying we are silly or ridiculous. Can create chronic confusion. Prevents us from taking part in meaningful discussions, and from speaking our truth
  • “God hates me” - We tell ourselves this if we observe that no one except us seems to have bad luck, or have failures, or experience traumatic events. Can result from our caregivers repeatedly failing to prevent us from coming to harm. Creates distrust and prevents true joy
Learn more
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Blaming others - Thought pattern that prevents us from looking for the Truth about our part in our own misfortune and contributes to the patterns of denial, guilt-tripping and feeling like a victim
Sounds like: You made me fail. You hurt me. It is your fault. It is their fault. It is not my fault
Spiritual effects: Unable or unwilling to accept responsibility for less than positive results. See perfectionism, victim
Physical effects: Habitual blame contributes to Alzheimer’s, arthritis, eye problems, heartburnand/or indigestion, high blood pressure, kidney problems, thyroid issues, tooth decay
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn whose approval we are trying to gain by pretending to be innocent of faults

Blaming self - Thought pattern that prevents us from looking for the Truth about others’ role in our painful life experiences and prevents us from giving ourselves permission to live well
Sounds like: I brought this (painful experience) on myself. I let this happen. I do not deserve to be treated well
Spiritual effects: Unable or unwilling to accept that others are responsible for their choices, constant apologizing, feeling like a victim
Physical effects: Habitual self-blame contributes to anemia, arthritis, depression, eye problems, low blood pressure, hypochondria, sinus issues, poor posture, thyroid problems, tooth decay
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn whose approval we are trying to gain by pretending to be responsible for everything bad in our lives
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Using any force necessary to impose our will on another, especially one who seems likely to be easy prey. In children, can be the result of the child's frustration with living in a dysfunctional family unit where there is ongoing, yet unpredictable, physical and/or emotional abuse. In adults, can be the continuation of a childhood pattern that one feels fully justified in continuing (aggressive/passive behaviour)
Spiritual effects: Chronic arrogance, anger
Change the pattern: Do the Grieving, Self-esteem and How to stop sniping exercises in Section 9, plus visit WikiHow and learn how to stop bullying, how to stop being a bully, and how to be assertive, rather than aggressive
Child abuse
(thought, behaviour)
Depriving a child of the basic physical or spiritual necessities of life or withholding them as punishment: love, approval, attention, affection, privacy, emotional support, physical food, sleep, safe environment to name only a few. Child abuse and neglect are seen as a failure of the caregivers to provide both physical nurturing and emotional support for those who have been placed in their care. It is the caregiver's responsibility to find ways to teach the child without being abusive. Child abuse can occur when a caregiver treats a child in a negative way in order to win the approval of another authority figure. Some victims of child abuse never recover and develop addictions or turn to crime, never finding peace
Looks like: Inflicting physical or emotional pain on a child, whether as punishment for a wrong-doing or as a means of teaching discipline
Spiritual effects: Habitual self-condemnation, low or unstable self-esteem, chronic confusion, living in chaos
Physical effects: If you were the victim of child abuse, effects can range from chronic pain (spiritual and/or physical) that can require constant medication to all sorts of physical illnesses
Change the pattern: Meditate to see the truth that we are not responsible for how our caregivers raised us, then begin to see self as a child of the Universal Intelligence instead of as just our caregivers' children
Co-dependent relationship
(thought, behaviour)
There are four main types of relationships, existing on a sliding scale: Dependent, Independent, Co-dependent and Inter-dependent. We aim for inter-dependent. This is a relationship in which both parties are content on their own and fairly confident within themselves. They are able to give help to their partner when it is needed, and to accept help from them when it is needed. They appreciate that it can be beneficial to have a companion.

However, almost any human relationship can become co-dependent. It stops being healthy or supportive when it starts preventing independent thought and action, and shows a lack of trust either of self or for the other person in the relationship.
Spiritual effects: Unable or unwilling to be self-sufficient
Physical effects: Unable or unwilling to be out of communication with the other person; inability to independently make decisions, appointments or fend for self; compulsive need to share everything with the other (clothing, food, experiences, secrets); extreme distress at the thought of losing the other person (fear of abandonment; belief that the person is our soul mate and without them we cannot / will not survive, or that without them, our identity will be lost)
Change the pattern: Meditate to find the root cause of the need to be in co-dependent relationship(s). Visit WikiHow and learn how to recognize co-dependent relationships
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Feeling of deep concern and care for those in need. Too many of us learn to condemn before looking for understanding. Wanting compassion from others and withholding it from them or from ourselves is a pattern that harms us all. It leads to karmic lessons which keep us trapped in the cycle of reincarnation on Planet Earth
Build the pattern: Whenever you make a mistake - and before condemning yourself - look at yourself in a kinder light; give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Before long it will become second nature to feel compassion for yourself and even for others
(thought, attitude)
Attitude that says, “I’ve got this figured out. It’s easy.” This state of mind requires the Universe to present us with a wake-up challenge. The type of challenge depends on the circumstances under which the statement was made, but rest assured, triggers will be presented to test our resolve and our understanding. This is in accordance with the Universal spiritual law of free will
(thought, attitude)
Declaring a punishment for someone we have found guilty of something. Can be directed at self or others. Indicates that judgment and criticism have taken place. See resentment, revenge
Sounds like: You are not as good as me (judgment and criticism), so you deserve to suffer (condemnation); You are so stupid (judgment and criticism; No wonder no one cares what you think (condemnation); You are too fat/too thin / the wrong colour / the wrong religion / the wrong sexual orientation etc. (judgment and criticism) so you deserve to be treated poorly / ridiculed / punished (condemnation)
Looks like: Rolling our eyes or sneering at someone can indicate that judgment and criticism have just taken place
Spiritual effects: Difficulty showing appreciation or receiving recognition or praise
Physical effects: Chronic condemnation can result in choking, arthritis, multiple sclerosis and other neuro-musculo-skeletal disorders. Chronic self-condemnation can set up a fear of success that causes us to unconsciously underperform
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn why our self-esteem failed. Profound self-acceptance can be gained, based in the recognition that we are all just human, at varying stages of soul development, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes poorly. Do the self-esteem exercise in Section 9
Confirmation bias
(thought, attitude)
Tendency to seek and interpret information that confirms our existing beliefs and enables us to repeat harmful, negative behaviours. The pattern contributes to the development of chronic disease and also inhibits spiritual growth. See echo chamber
(thought, attitude)
Tendency to consider self or others unworthy of respect, patience, tolerance or compassion. Can prevent ever finding peace or contentment. Shows that judgment and criticism have taken place. Occurs along with arrogance, condemnation and scorn
Sounds like: You’re not even worth the time it would take to explain
Spiritual effects: Unable or unwilling to acknowledge efforts of others
Physical effects: Ear, eye, nose and/or throat issues, knee problems, neck issues
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn why our self-esteem failed. Profound self-acceptance can be gained, based in the recognition that we are all just human, at varying stages of soul development, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes doing poorly. Do the self-esteem exercise in Section 9
(thought, attitude)
Exercising one’s will over another, no matter how pure or impure the intention or the motivation. Examples of control:
  • Forcing our help upon another when it has not been invited
  • Asking God for favours for someone else - after all - they might not want or need what we think they want or need, even including healing (some people want to be sick - for them, their illness meets some need)
  • In disagreements, bringing up the past can be a way to gain control of the situation (see memory)
  • Adoptive parents can use guilt trips as a means of gaining or maintaining control over their charges (no matter their age). For example, "If it weren't for us, you'd be an orphan."
  • It is control to assume that we know what another person is thinking. It is also control to pretend that we know everything
  • Practical jokes are a form of control - it is just not funny to ridicule someone for not knowing what we know
  • Stealing someone's attention, no matter the motive
  • Saying we already know something that was just told to us, when we do not
  • We allow ourselves to be controlled when we do what someone has told us to do even if we do not want to do it (see blame, victim)
Sounds like: Let me do it (perfectionism). Call me when you get home so I don't have to worry. You should...
Spiritual effects: Not letting others have their way or do things their way can make them want to avoid doing things with us
Physical effects: Nerve damage, high cholesterol, ALS, Parkinson’s Disease, multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of our need to be in charge. Before telling someone else what to do, think of how it feels when someone tells us what to do. Check out manipulation
(thought, attitude)
Giving an unkind comment about self or another, whether spoken aloud or not, whether invited or not. Criticism can be an offshoot of low self-esteem and/or perfectionism.
Looks like: Always looking to catch someone in a mistake
Spiritual effects: Chronic unhappiness and unable or unwilling to give praise or positive feedback
Physical effects: Skin disorders, joint problems and autoimmune disorders
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of our need to make self or others feel inferior
(thought, attitude)
Openly resisting agreeing with anyone, about anything, ever. Refusal to admire anything that mainstream society appreciates. Argumentative just for the sake of being antagonistic. Stems from unresolved issues with an authority figure. See silent rebellion
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of our need to anger others
Déjà vu
(thought, emotion)
This experience is a bridge between physical reality and thought. It is given to let us know that we are in the right place at the right time, and that everything is on track. Can also indicate that a lesson is about to be presented, so pay attention to whatever is going on around you. Meditate to practice hearing your thoughts

Real-time déjà vu is having a thought of something - either an image or a phrase - that then occurs almost immediately in real time. Could be a mental video clip of something, or seeing someone’s face, or hearing a song title or lyrics. Meditate to practice hearing your thoughts
(thought, behaviour)
Unable or unwilling to face the Truth about self, our prior actions, painful experiences, thoughts, attitudes, emotions, beliefs or desires. It prevents us from accepting responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds and can create the need to blame any misfortune on anyone or anything else. Denial and avoidance go hand-in-hand
Sounds like: No. You're wrong. I would never say/think/do that
Spiritual effects: Seeming to be beyond reproach can create stubborn self-righteousness
Physical effects: Addictions, back pain, co-dependent relationships, confusion and memory lapses (ultimately dementia or Alzheimer's), vision / hearing problems, chronic constipation
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of our need to make others feel that our motives are beyond reproach, or that we have never had, or caused, a negative experience
(thought, emotion)
Severe discomfort, be it physical, emotional or spiritual, coupled with a feeling that something needs to be done, but not knowing what it is or how to do it. Long-term distress can become anxiety, dread and worry
Sounds like: I just know something horrible is going to happen
Spiritual effects: Inability to relax or feel comfortable
Physical effects: Manifests as abdominal pain, digestive, skin or sleep disorders, nervous behaviours, headaches and/or inability to concentrate
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of the underlying fear
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Lack of faith or confidence, in self, in God, in others. There is a fine line between trust and distrust. Too much trust in others' goodwill can lead to disappointment and disillusionment. We can even place ourselves in harm's way if relying too much on the goodness of others. Chronic distrust can isolate us, prevent us from learning to work together toward a common goal, and lead to feelings of persecution. Distrust can come from a blanket condemnation of humanity
Sounds like: "I just know I’ll be the one to get hurt.” "Everyone is out for number one." See trust, victim
Spiritual effects: Unsatisfying relationships, prejudice and/or contempt, legacy resentment, paranoia, the need to blame others for any misfortune, feelings of victimization, phobias
Physical effects: Can result in severe allergies, hoarding
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of the need to live in fear and isolation
Double standard
(thought, attitude)
Form of condemnation that punishes one person or group for a certain behaviour but allows or rewards it for another, as a result of having judged them as being less worthy
Spiritual effects: Arrogance, blame, self-righteousness
Physical effects: Severe allergies, dizziness/vertigo, fibromyalgia, upper respiratory infections
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn humility
(thought, emotion)
Fear that our life and everything that happens to us will be negative and painful. See anxiety, distress
Spiritual effects: Chronic pessimism
Physical effects: Phobias, lateness, procrastination, dizziness, knee or leg problems, nausea, post-nasal drip, premenstrual dysphoric disorder
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn that life is a learning opportunity rather than something to be feared or avoided
Echo chamber
(thought, attitude)
We can be said to be living in a self-imposed spiritual echo chamber, if we instantly dismiss ideas about spirituality that disagree with our own. How can we grow spiritually stronger, wiser, if we refuse to look at new information?
Spiritual effects: Fear, defiance, arrogance, self-righteousness
Physical effects: Hearing and vision loss, leg, foot and gait issues, arthritis (rheumatoid, neck, spine)
Change the pattern: Decide to at least consider new options or viewpoints
(thought, attitude)
Sense of self. Over-inflated ego says "It is always about Me". Excessive thoughts of pride or self-praise can become self-importance or perfectionism
Sounds like: Excessive statement making or a lack of question asking. Can be thoughts like: I am so good that everybody needs me; I am indispensable because only I know what is best. Can also be the opposite attitude: I am so bad that nobody wants me or cares about me; I am useless and I will never amount to anything
Spiritual effects: Lack of meaningful relationships
Physical effects: Bi-polar disorder, bloating
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the reason for believing that we are superior or inferior and gradually find that the belief is not correct. This can enable a profound level of self-acceptance based in the recognition that we are all just human, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes doing poorly
(thought, emotion)
Uncomfortable feeling that we just got caught doing something wrong
Sounds like: I hurt someone and they will never forget it, so I can never forgive myself. I made a mistake and got caught, and others will think I am stupid or bad. See shame and fear of looking stupid
Spiritual effects: If chronic, can create a cycle of ever-decreasing self-esteem
Physical effects: Acne, rosacea, rash
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the reason for believing it is not ok to err. Do the forgiveness exercises in Section 9
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Feelings of unhappiness/discontent that come because someone has something we want, whether friends, possessions, personal attributes or even just good luck. Can easily become resentment. Stems from low or unstable self-esteem and a lack of self-worth
Sounds like: I wish I had your ...
Spiritual effects: Chronic unhappiness and never feeling good enough
Physical effects: Liver disease, breast or pancreatic cancer, digestive disorders, hoarding
Change the pattern: Meditate, do the self-esteem exercise in Section 9, visit WikiHow to learn how to deal with envy
(thought, attitude)
Deep sense of knowing that we are loved unconditionally by, and accompanied by, our Creator. Such faith enables our core belief systems to be based on a firm foundation of self-worth. It informs us that our earthly parents are simply the vehicle by which we enter life in human form; that we are children of the universe always. Lack of such faith prevents us from fully accessing the creative forces that are our spiritual heritage
Fake news
(thought, behaviour)
What is fake news and why does it work?
Fake news is a form of gossip and a form of lying. Fake news starts as an act of malice against a competitor or opponent, in an attempt to win others to our side. It is sneaky, underhanded and cowardly, but it works. Why? Well, we just love to think the worst of someone who appears to be doing better than us (envy, jealousy), and sharing such stories makes us feel as though we are serving society. Our gullibility makes us very easy to manipulate, and those who spread negativity and hate, know this.

On the internet
Every day we see gossip and fake news stories on mainstream media and most especially on social media platforms. There are fake "friendly warnings" making us aware of various dangers, and of course the inevitable “suggested” posts to read (i.e., paid advertisements). These are all growing in number and frequency, because they work! If only we could ignore them and not click on them, we could help reduce this mass manipulation of our time, energy and talents.

Check the facts
Before clicking on, forwarding or sharing a post or story, check it for yourself at Snopes, Politifact or FullFact for the UK. If it is true, then it is not fake news. Just remember to verify the story for yourself. Sharing a story or post that someone else verified is pointless, because we have no way to know for sure whether they really did. If the information cannot be verified, then do not share it
(thought, emotion)
Intense feeling that something bad is going to happen. Can become anxiety or dread. Fear can be our ally by alerting us to potential danger, but all too often we allow it to prevent us from doing what we need to do to move forward in life. If we allow our fears to immobilize us, we cannot walk our life's path with faith, trust and joy. Like depression, fear can manifest in waves. It is often used as an excuse for not looking at our inner pain, for example, "I'm afraid that if I start crying, I'll never stop." Fear of God's wrath is pervasive in society and we often go to extremes to avoid it by constantly performing rituals or by avoiding doing certain things. See phobias. Check out WikiHow's How to overcome fear
Sounds like: Gasp! I could never ... Gasp! What if ...
Spiritual effects: Obsessive/compulsive disorder, chronic apprehension and/or avoidance of anything that cannot be controlled
Physical effects: Lower back pain, sciatica, accident proneness, obsessive/compulsive behaviours
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn that we create our reality
Fear of abandonment
(thought, emotion, belief)
Belief that one will be left alone and unsupported as a punishment for causing someone’s displeasure. This fear can create a need to be dishonest about what we think and feel, and can make it very difficult to form mutually satisfying relationships.

People with this fear will seem very nasty, or very sweet and meek. Seeming to be nasty keeps them in control of their relationships. "If I'm mean enough, nobody will want to have anything to do with me and then there'll be no danger of them leaving me" - or - "I'll make you leave me so that I'm not surprised when you do" (see reverse abandonment). Those who seem to be meek and mild often apologize for every little thing, even if they are not responsible for it. They find it difficult to express their thoughts, their true opinions or strong emotions. They loathe confrontation of any sort, and try to be indispensable to others
Spiritual effects: Co-dependent relationships
Physical effects: Sciatica, lower back pain
Change the pattern: Learn how to do whatever it is that we are afraid of doing, or at least have enough faith to trust that no matter what happens, we will be ok - we will manage to deal with it. See abandonment
Fear of change
(thought, emotion)
Feeling that if anything changes in any way, we will be in danger of losing that which is important to us. Can result from growing up in an extremely controlled or extremely chaotic environment. The challenge is to learn that change is an inevitable part of life, and then to develop positive coping skills. Visit WikiHow to learn how to deal with change. See status quo bias
Fear of commitment
(thought, emotion)
Intense feeling that entering into any sort of arrangement or agreement with someone is an act of weakness and a surrender of power and control. People with this fear may agree to a commitment yet have no intention at all of meeting it. The pattern contributes greatly to feelings of disappointment, guilt and/or shame. See distrust, passive/aggressive disorder
Fear of confrontation
(thought, emotion)
This fear prevents us from speaking out if we feel we have been treated unjustly. It stems from a fear of abandonment, and a fear of losing someone's approval. Can be a fear that the other person will explode (or implode) in anger and the consequences will be unbearable. The fear of an angry outburst is often used as an excuse for not standing up for ourselves or for those who are in our care. This fear can make it painful to observe others arguing. See victim
Change the pattern: Visit WikiHow and learn how to be assertive instead of meek or weak. Build self-esteem
Fear of contamination and/or disease
(thought, emotion, belief)
Belief that coming into contact with things will create some disease; for example, germs, insects, animals, other people, sunshine, cell phones, microwave ovens, etc. Belief that we are victims of the environment, or belief that we are "bad" and will be punished with disease. Living with this fear can create obsessive worry and anxiety that prevent us from finding joy in life. The fear can even become a disease itself, as with allergies. Albeit unwittingly, young children can develop allergies to mimic their caregiver’s fear(s), or to reflect spiritual imbalances within the family. See blame,hypochondria
Fear of death and dying
(thought, emotion)
Without faith that we will return to Source when we die, we can live with suppressed dread. A belief in "Hell" can create a deep terror of the afterlife. Coupled with our fear of the pain and discomfort that may be present when one is very ill or close to death, we can live in a state of avoidance of life, rather than acceptance of all that life has to offer. Believing that someone who harmed us will be sent to Hell is a form of control, because in effect, we are telling God to condemn someone. It is also a wish for revenge, which ultimately harms only the one wishing it
Fear of failure or of success
(thought, emotion)
Fear of negative consequences either for failing to succeed, or for achieving success. The pattern can prevent us from starting and/or finishing projects. It can make it seem that we are lazy, but laziness is not the issue. Fear of completing a task is the driving force. Fear of failure can stem from experiencing extremely negative consequences for failures in childhood, while the thought of achieving success may make us fear that the people who did nothing to help us may take the credit (see spite). May also be a reluctance to outshine a sibling
Spiritual effects: Avoidance, obsessive compulsive behaviours
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the origin of the pattern and the reason(s) for holding onto it
Fear of intimacy
(thought, emotion)
Can be a fear of having an intimate or sexual relationship, but can also be a fear of expressing self fully. Can come from embarrassment or shame over our physical appearance or our innermost thoughts (fear of abandonment)
Physical effects: Mouth, teeth and gum problems, issues with reproductive organs
Fear of invasion
(thought, emotion)
Extreme concern that someone with ulterior motives will enter our space without permission. Or that everyone intends to steal our personal information and use it to harm us. Or that our body has been invaded by as-yet-undetected injury or illness (see hypochondria). Fear that UFO's are real and that aliens have malicious goals. Fear that our personal electronic equipment (computer, phone, etc.) is infected with as-yet-undetected malware
Spiritual effects: Unable or unwilling to fully relax or trust
Physical effects: Mid-back and/or knee problems, hypochondria, self-importance, hypervigilance
Change the pattern: Meditate to practice attaining a centred space of peace and calm. Do as the Russian proverb says, "Trust, but verify"
Fear of looking stupid
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Crippling belief that anything new presents a risk that others will see our ignorance as stupidity, or will think that we're so lazy, deprived or underprivileged that we have not yet encountered this new thing
Spiritual effects: Unable to get or stay centred if challenged to try something new. Distrusting our ability to learn or comprehend. Chronic shame
Change the pattern: Acknowledge to self that no one person knows every single thing; we all have strengths and weaknesses, and challenges to overcome. There is no shame in not knowing. Trust the process and above all, trust self
Fear of negative energies
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Deep concern that failure to live up to religious expectations risks harm from energies over which we have no control, like the devil or his minions
Physical effects: Insomnia, severe allergies, accident proneness, constant negative life experiences that make us feel like a victim
Change the pattern: Practice meditation to attain a centred space of peace and calm, and then learn that the Universal Intelligence is unconditional love. Check out Can negative energies harm us
Fear of retribution
(thought, emotion)
Chronic concern that our words or deeds will cause something terrible to happen, due to believing in a punishing God; or that if we make a mistake, we will be punished mercilessly - or even publicly humiliated
Spiritual effects: Unable to allow others to be resonsible for their actions
Physical effects: Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, unable or unwilling to act or make decisions
Change the pattern: Practice meditation to attain a centred space of peace and calm. Then learn that the Universal Intelligence is unconditional love
Fear of telling the truth
(thought, emotion)
Terror at the thought of being harshly judged. Often occurs when our early caregivers withheld their approval. See pathological lying, fear of abandonment
Fear of the unknown
(thought, emotion)
Without faith that we are children of God, our path can be filled with constant doubt, distrust or anxiety, of encountering anything we have not yet experienced. See asthma
Feedback loop
(thought, behaviour)
Thought pattern created by knowing that we have an unresolved issue, but feeling powerless to do anything about it and obsessively repeating "I wish (fill in the blank) was different. I could change it by doing (fill in the blank) but I can't because (fill in the blank)." See status quo bias, victim
Effects: Repeatedly suffering the same physical or emotional injury
Change the pattern: Instead of saying “I can’t change it because …” say “I must change it because …” Start by doing the Grieving and Forgiveness exercises. Then make a plan that will enable the change, and do what is needed to free yourself
(thought, attitude)
This is a word of blame and condemnation, whether directed toward self, another human, events or the Universal Intelligence
Flat tire
No matter the type of vehicle, this experience can occur within two or three days of suffering a crushing disappointment. Reacting with anger, temper tantrums, feeling like a victim, or believing that God must hate me, may mean that it is time to start practicing a new way to respond to life's difficulties
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Ability to stay true to our commitment to change no matter what others are saying or doing. Those who have managed to get out of co-dependent relationships know the challenges of making changes when others try to keep us tied into their “stuff”. Forbearance grows as our self-confidence and self-esteem grow
(thought, attitude)
Forgiveness means not resenting those who have angered, harmed or failed us in some way; but rather, seeking understanding before jumping to conclusions.

Knowing why something happened, or why someone has done or not done something can make it easier to forgive, but it is possible to forgive without that information. Allowing for the possibility that we do not yet understand can enable us to let go of injuries more easily.

It may not seem like much, but forgiveness is actually the first step to prevent chronic diseases. So how does that work? Holding onto old hurts means that we have put them into a mental vault for safe-keeping. Every now and then we open the vault and review them, just to refresh our pain. We quickly lock our memories away again, for fear of losing them and placing ourselves at risk of being re-injured. Forgiveness takes our memories out of the vault as we seek to gain understanding about the traumatic events we have experienced. Gaining understanding enables the memories to move to our akashic or soul record. In this new location, the memories can be recalled - and even shared - without re-inflicting emotional anguish
Build the pattern: Do the forgiveness exercises, then read more about forgiveness
Free Will Spiritual law that gives us the ability to choose, both our beliefs and our attitude toward life. Free will ensures that we experience the outcomes of our choices. Read more
(thought, attitude)
We use gossip to share our negative opinion of, or to make up a lie about, a person or group who has offended us so as to negatively affect others' opinions of them, and to make ourselves look better. We participate in gossip when we spread, listen to, watch or read negative stories about others. See control, fake news, judgment, criticism, condemnation, manipulation, perfectionism, revenge, reverse abandonment, self-righteousness, seeking of truth and understanding
Spiritual effects: Difficulty in building or maintaining friendships, chronic envy and/or jealousy, low or unstable self-esteem
Physical effects: Obesity / overweight, teeth / mouth / gum issues, upper respiratory infections, lots of choking
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the reasons for our low self-esteem; then do the self-esteem exercise in Section 9
(thought, attitude)
Tendency to be generous, helpful and forgiving toward self and others (does not mean allowing abusive behaviour). The Universal Intelligence and our guides hold humanity in a state of grace (unconditional love)
(thought, attitude)
Gratitude is an attitude of thankfulness and/or appreciation. Placing too much emphasis on thanking God for every little thing can sound as if we are trying to prove something. The Universal Intelligence knows what we think before we even think it, so missing an opportunity to say thank you does not mean we are ungrateful. Saying grace before a meal is a fine practice, but if used as a protection against the wrath of God, then gratitude is not the real motive - fear is the real motive.

Thank God
Thanking God for loving us is a concept borne of fearing divine punishment for taking things for granted, for being ungrateful. The fear is that God will think we feel entitled, and that it is a short step from there to hell. This sort of fear can stem from our caregivers requiring our gratitude for their having provided us with the basic necessities of life. Are we supposed to thank them for choosing to have children, and then for enabling us to stay alive? It is like an interviewee thanking a reporter for interviewing them - reporters are just doing their job.

We praise God when things go our way and assume that we must have done something right, but what happens when things go wrong? Do we assume that God has judged us as unworthy, or that he is punishing us, or that he likes our opponent or enemy more than he likes us?

Thank everyone for everything
There is a lot of hype out there about the importance of feeling grateful and expressing our gratitude, but it is getting so that we can feel pressured into saying thank you for every little thing. This goes completely against the spirit of gratitude. There is a world of difference between truly feeling thankful, and saying thank you merely because it is expected. Besides, expressing our gratitude is not a protection against having negative life experiences.

We often rush out to buy a thank you gift for the thank you gift that someone gave us. Far better to allow the giver the honour of having expressed their gratitude to us. Giving a response gift diminishes us, because it makes us look as if we are trying to be more thoughtful, or generous, or grateful. It is similar to wanting to have the last word in a conversation. Accepting their gift with humility and grace dignifies both our act of kindness and their gratitude for it.

It is well and good to express our thankfulness, so long as it does not become excessive or obsessive; but unfortunately it can, and does - and that is not healthy. There is a world of difference between helping to provide for those in need as a matter of compassion and social responsibility, rather than as a public display of appreciation that we ourselves do not need help, or as a protection against experiencing the same fate. It is our attitude that counts; it is our attitude that is heard by the Universal Intelligence. We can fool people, but we cannot fool God.

Someone at a place of work threw a surprise birthday party for the boss. The guest of honour had specifically asked that there be no party, as he feels uncomfortable in such situations. At the party, the hostess proudly announced that she had decided that the boss really did want a party after all and so took it upon herself to organize it. She then waited for his expressions of thanks and gratitude and was offended (really offended!) when he said, once again, that he had not wanted a party.
  • Was the employee wrong to have arranged the party?
  • Was the boss wrong to have shared his request?
  • Was the boss mean for not just playing along?
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Seemingly irresistable need to selfishly keep or protect our possessions from others, whether money, material items, relationships or even simply knowledge (like a family recipe). Greed feels fully justified in wanting more than we can possibly use, to soothe an unrecognized emotional wound. Greed shows an attitude of “My needs are more important than anyone else’s”. Forms of greed:
  • Big business - There is a disturbing trend for manufacturers to create products that, while functional, have "special features" that are only available by buying a monthly subscription. (This is similar to service providers that provide a very basic service for 'free' (like email), and for a graduated monthly fee and more personal information, will enable varying degrees of benefits.) Such fees ensure that their cash flow will be predictable and sustainable. Telling ourselves "I can afford it. It's only a little each month" is their exact aim. Think the rates won't go up? Think the manufacturers won't dream up new, more expensive features? Sadly, once we  have become addicted, we (and our pocketbooks) are at their mercy. Sound a little like the way drug dealers do business?
  • Unwilling to share our belongings yet expecting others to share theirs. We judge, criticise and condemn others when they fail to do so - it is easy to see their greed yet not our own
  • Demanding approval from others yet selfishly withholding ours
  • I promised to give you (whatever), and I know you really want it, so I am not going to give it to you until I feel like it (maybe I will even just keep on forgetting my promise)
  • I will just hang onto this in case I ever need it
  • I will keep the best part of this set, but you can have the rest
  • I need...
  • Pet hoarding: "No one will care for this poor, homeless animal but me." This expresses an unresolved inner child issue - that of having received too little or too much attention from our caregivers
  • Someone give you a gift and then tells you how to use that gift
  • Receiving a gift along with a guilt trip - sounds like: "Here is your gift, and this is what I had to sacrifice to get it for you."
  • Needing to have something only in order to prevent someone else from having it: "I do not want it, but you cannot have it."
  • Free gifts or services offered by corporations are not free at all if the giver requires anything from the recipient (see self-aggrandizement). The cost may be in surrendering excess personal information rather than money
Spiritual effects: Constant need for more of everything, chronic craving for an unknown "something", corruption of our motives
Physical effects: Eating disorders, cluttered lifestyle (hoarding)
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn and resolve the reasons for feeling deprived, ignored or neglected
(thought, emotion)
Deep unreleased sadness over what we feel to be an undeserved loss of a loved one. Along with the sadness can be unrecognized thoughts and feelings of great fear, anger or even resentment toward God - anger over the loss of the dreams that we held for the individual, as with young children; anger for God’s seeming to have punished both the innocent child and us by taking her or him away from us. Losing a life partner can create anger and resentment toward both God and the loved one, because change was forced into our lives.

Unresolved inner child issues can be resolved and released even if the offender has passed away, but extra work is needed to ensure that full understanding is gained and that forgiveness takes place
Physical effects: Diabetes, osteoporosis
Change the pattern: Do the Grieving and Forgiveness exercises in Section 9
Guide/Angel/Teacher Divine representative accompanying us throughout our life and often referred to as our inner voice. The guides are subject to different spiritual laws than us, and do not enter human form while serving. They are not dead spirits; they are not our long-passed grandparent or parent or sibling or child or pet, although often when we sense our guide’s presence there is a feeling of unconditional love. The guides are entities who serve and assist souls in physical form. They communicate directly with the Universal Intelligence. Guides other than our personal companion guide do work with us, but the spiritual laws applying to them are different again - they are with us only on a temporary assignment basis. For example, the Archangels will assist in extreme situations by offering their energy and their profound wisdom, but they do not stay with us for our entire lifetime. Learn to meditate and connect with your guide. Check out Why don't our guides keep us from coming to harm? Then visit Section 11
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)
Feeling responsible for not meeting expectations, no matter whose they are - or - Excessive remorse for deeds either done or not done. Guilt requires punishment, so those with guilt over a past experience often meet negative experiences in the present - not because God wants to punish us, but because we expect punishment. Since the Universal Intelligence is responsive, our expectation manifests the negative experience.

We can see the results of guilt and guilt trips everywhere around the world. Guilt and the co-dependent relationships it can create affects everyone, everywhere - individuals, families, and even entire communities. Guilt is just as hurtful and damaging to us as any of the other negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. It can cause us much pain, and can cause us to behave in ways that are potentially harmful to many.

Guilt, condemnation, blame and remorse are interwoven, and all keep us stuck in the past. It is important to remember always that we cannot change the past. We can only learn from it and use it to change the present. We can never be sure what the future holds; we only live now, and only now can be affected by our behaviour. See survivor's guilt

Parents may take on guilt for their children's actions. This can help no one; the parent suffers and the child fails to learn responsibility. See legacy guilt
Sounds like: Constantly saying "It is all my fault." "I am sorry."
Change the pattern: Do the guilt-buster and forgiveness exercises in Section 9

Some hundred years ago, Europeans overtook North America, subjugated the indigenous peoples, and then tried to extinguish them and their culture. We now have the government (in Canada) and the indigenous peoples involved in a complex guilt-based co-dependent arrangement: one side paying seemingly permanent restitution for albeit heinous crimes against the other, and the other living in a victim mentality that keeps the restitution coming. Neither side seems able to stop, for whatever their reasons might be. One possibility is that a new relationship would need to be built, and that can be an overwhelming prospect.

This situation can also be seen in families in which a parent continually steps in to divert the normal consequences for a child’s actions. There are many examples of this in the news; one such being the case of Ethan Couch’s vehicular manslaughter, while drunk, of four people. His lawyer, hired by his affluent mother, used a defense of “affluenza” and the child received a sentence of 10 years’ probation - for killing four people.

In my family, a guilt-based unit formed the instant my adoptive parents learned they would be receiving a second child (me). They had adopted my sister first, and four years later, they adopted baby me. Fifty years later, my mother told me that she had “always regretted not telling my sister” (my four-and-a-half-year-old sister) “that they were getting me”. Because of their choice, my sister was not given the opportunity to prepare for my arrival; nor was she welcomed into helping to care for me, and in fact her offers to help were apparently spurned - quite possibly because my parents feared that she would harm me. And sadly, they were right - she did. There ensued years of bullying and temper tantrums directed at me. Her temper tantrums always paid off too, because my parents would just give her whatever she wanted.

They treated her like a victim, because she was one. My sister treated me like an interloper, an uninvited, unwelcome guest. If she harmed me, my parents would ridicule my hurt and say, “Oh, stop it." "She doesn’t hate you, she loves you." "She was only kidding around." Or "It was a love tap.” Unfortunately though, it felt like I was the one being punished. Not only were my feelings ignored and even ridiculed; I also didn’t receive the so-called benefits that my sister received for her immature behaviour. I also failed to learn (until adulthood) how to stand up for myself, how to protect myself from unwanted advances, or that hitting does not equal loving.

The end result of such co-dependent relationships is that everyone is harmed. Those living with guilt and shame for their own poor choices (or for those of their predecessors), those who fail to learn to be responsible for their actions and those whom they victimize, and all those who must stand by and observe this dangerous dance, are damaged.

What can we do about it?
In order to change this incredibly destructive pattern, we can take a few simple steps to absolve guilt:
  • Do not add insult to injury by pretending that no one was harmed
  • If we have caused harm, let us own up to it. Acknowledge that our victim suffered an offense and accept that we are responsible for it
  • Let us make meaningful restitution with restorative justice
  • Let us ask forgiveness from the injured party
  • And, finally, let us forgive ourselves
Guilt trips
(thought, behaviour)
People often lay guilt trips to manipulate and to get their own way, that is, to control others, but we also lay them on ourselves. As we know, guilt can make us do a lot of things that we would not normally do. It is a powerful motivator
Sounds like: "It is all your fault." "If you do not do what I ask, you are mean or selfish or you do not love me." "Remember how you hurt me in the past?" "A true friend would…" These sorts of statements are intended to make people feel that they have lost our approval so that they will struggle to regain it, usually by doing anything whatsoever that we ask
Change the pattern: Be honest, and ask for whatever it is that we want
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Strong dislike of or feeling of hostility toward someone or something.
The effects of hatred, whether directed toward self or another:
Spiritual effects: Responding with hatred shuts down any desire to seek understanding. Hatred creates intolerance, self-righteousness and, believe it or not, shame. Why shame? Because deep down inside we know that it is wrong to hate.
Physical effects: Arthritis, eye and vision issues, heartburn / indigestion, liver issues, sinus problems
Change the pattern: If we feel hatred toward someone, strive to learn the reasons for doing so. There are plenty of people out there who behave horribly, so there will be lots of “growth opportunities”. Remember: that which we dislike most about others is often within ourselves. See contempt
(thought, attitude)
Ability to confront Universal Truth - about self, about our experiences, about others. Without Universal Truth, we are left searching futilely for a way to explain why we have certain experiences or why we have certain behaviours
(thought, attitude)
Knowing that we are all children of our Creator in human form, in differing stages of development. We are all capable of ANYTHING, given the proper circumstances. All are equal in the eyes of the Universal Intelligence. Humans are not in charge of everything
(thought, attitude)
Those with this mentality become a victim of their own fears, believing the world to be filled with constant dangers. Victims of abuse often (unconsciously) monitor their spoken words to remove any hint of independent thought. See fear of invasion
Spiritual effects: Chronic anxiety, unable or unwilling to trust or relax, to ever feel good enough, to set aside fear
Physical effects: Chronic shallow breathing, inability to concentrate, impaired learning
Change the pattern: Practice meditation
(thought, attitude)
One who holds higher moral standards for others than for self. Hypocrites love to point the finger at public figures (teachers, community leaders, etc.) who lie, cheat, manipulate and abuse their power, yet happily excuse themselves from any wrong-doing. Until we change our behaviour, society will continue to experience trouble and strife. As long as we allow ourselves to lie, cheat, manipulate and abuse our power, our leaders will continue to do the same
Spiritual effects: Arrogance, lots of blaming, feeling like a victim, self-righteousness
Physical effects: Severe allergies, chronic flatulence and/or sinusitis
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn that we must not hold higher expectations for others than ourselves
(thought, attitude)
Belief that we already know so we require no further understanding. Spiritual ignorance is a crippling condition and choice. Believing there is only one place to learn about God closes the door to spiritual growth. Believing that God no longer communicates with his human children, leaves us relying on someone else’s version of Truth
Physical effects: Prejudice, hatred, intolerance
Change the pattern: Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn one life form is to condemn The Source
Inner conflict
An inner conflict results when we force ourselves to believe information that we know to be false. It makes us unable or unwilling to consider information that disagrees with our beliefs. We cling to such beliefs for a couple of reasons. We may have been taught them by our authority figures, or we may have developed them on our own in the absence of input from our caregivers. Either way though, there is likely to be unresolved anger. Defiant behaviour can result, with often devastating consequences

Example: A child suffers abuse by a sibling. The child tells their caregiver that the sibling "hates me" but the caregiver says, "Don't be ridiculous. Your sibling loves you." The child knows this to be false, yet feels compelled to believe the caregiver. An inner conflict results, along with a belief system that says "love hurts". The child grows up craving loving relationships yet continually finds self in unhealthy relationships instead
Spiritual effects: Co-dependent relationships, low or unstable self-esteem, always distrusting self
Physical effects: Addiction, chronic diseases, obsessive compulsive behaviours
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn Universal truth about core belief systems to enable resolution
(thought, attitude)
Belief that we know what is best while our caregivers are fools who do not have a clue. Can come from a multitude of beliefs, or from having received too little or too much attention from one's caregivers when growing up, or from one's caregivers being unable or unwilling to say, "No" to the child. The insolent person often suffers from a lack of self-worth, which contributes greatly to their need to be in control of everything at all times. They often use temper tantrums to control others
Sounds like: "I'm smarter/better than everyone else", "Everyone should do whatever I want", "I can do whatever I want", I don't have to do what anyone else says."
Spiritual effects: Lack of respect for self and others
Physical effects: Nose issues or sinus problems, eating disorders
Change the pattern: Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn one life form is to condemn The Source
(thought, behaviour)
If done to others - Pattern of withholding communication without consideration for, or explanation to, those who will be affected by our silence can be crippling both for self and others (see abandonment, cold shoulder, rejection)
If done to self - Self-imposed punishment that requires avoiding contact with anyone who has angered or hurt us  or whose approval we think we have lost, including our guide (see abandonment, cold shoulder). It can also create substance addictions and other self-destructive or obsessive/compulsive behaviours
Spiritual effects: Always waiting to feel like a victim again, lots of pity parties
Physical effects: Post-nasal drip, shingles, varicose veins
Change the pattern: Meditate to find the spiritual component of the behaviour. Do not allow self to give up on communicating
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Deep fear of losing someone’s affection, approval or attention. Jealousy can come from feelings of inadequacy, a fear of abandonment and/or an inability to trust. Can begin in childhood from too little (or too much!) attention from our caregivers
Sounds like: You are mine so you can never have any other relationships or interests
Spiritual effects: Co-dependent, toxic or wrecked relationships, resentment, hoarding
Physical effects: Liver diseases, some forms of cancer, digestive disorders
Change the pattern: Meditate, do the self-esteem exercise and visit WikiHow to learn how to overcome jealousy
Feelings of pleasure and delight that arise from within, especially when we have given unselfish service to another. Joy can also come when we are doing something about which we care deeply. We tell ourselves that an act of revenge will bring joy, but any act that harms another cannot bring true joy. Joy is often a casualty of stifling our strong emotions like fear and anger
(thought, attitude)
Forming opinions of others, whether negative or positive, sometimes after consideration, sometimes instantly. The habit could be improved significantly were we to stop judging our fellow humans' motives, since we cannot possibly know them. It is judgment to decide that someone is too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too beautiful, too ugly - too whatever - to deserve our respect. Judgment is a negative behaviour that harms us all
Spiritual effects: Prejudice, intolerance, hatred. Contributes to our love of fake news and gossip
Physical effects: All forms of arthritis, eye and vision problems, heartburn / indigestion, high blood pressure
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual choices like condemnation, contempt, control, criticism
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Pattern of using negative behaviour to get others do what we want because they might say no if we just ask. See control
Looks like: Dawdling, procrastination, temper tantrums
Sounds like: Baby talk, up-talk or whining, laying guilt trips, lying, asking favours in front of others, public shaming
Spiritual effects: Withholding communication, using the cold shoulder treatment, allowing our children to behave poorly in public places
Physical effects: Bladder problems, urinary tract infections, kidney problems
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of fear of expressing our needs or desires. Visit https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-a-Manipulative-Person

One of the biggest issues facing humanity is our seeming inability to stop allowing ourselves to be manipulated. We are so easily swayed by promises and gifts from people wanting our permission to do whatever they wish, that we are unwilling or unable to just say “no” to them - we want a piece of whatever pie they are serving. Our desire (greed) for their gift makes us tell ourselves that deep down inside they are really kind and generous souls, that they really care about us, and that they want us to benefit from their position. Deep inside though, we know that they are simply trying to use us. Do we tell ourselves that letting them have their way will make us a better person in the eyes of God?
Spiritual consequences: Two things can happen if we accept their gift: We can feel gratitude, which compels a perverse loyalty, or we can feel guilt and shame for thinking badly of them, i.e., for seeing the truth
Change the pattern:
If we are doing it: STOP doing it! We are hurting others, but more importantly, we are hurting ourselves. Meditate to learn the real reason for the inability to be honest about our desires
If it is being done to us: Just say "no". Make do without whatever it is, or find an honest way to get it besides selling out. We need to accept the truth: They are trying to buy us. Meditate to learn the real reason for needing the approval of others. Do the self-esteem exercise
(thought, attitude)
Letting others know how much we have suffered and sacrificed in order to help them, or to serve God, with the intention of making them feel indebted to us. Form of manipulation
Spiritual effects: Habitual laying of guilt trips
Sounds like: Speaking in an artificially happy tone of voice
Physical effects: Back or shoulder issues
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn that wanting others to be grateful for our help leads to other poor spiritual choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, self-righteousness
Meditation is communication - two-way communication - between us and the Universal Intelligence. It is the act of asking questions and then paying attention to our thoughts to hear the answers. Learn how. See prayer
(thought, attitude)
Tendency to be kind, forgiving and sympathetic to those in difficult circumstances (including self). Being merciful does not mean rescuing someone by doing their work for them, because that can do more harm than good. It means being a non-judgmental shoulder to cry on. It means giving information when invited to do so
(thought, attitude)
Believing the very worst about self or humanity and doing nothing about it because it would be pointless anyway, right? See distrust
Spiritual effects: Unlikely to have close, satisfying relationships
Physical effects: Chronic nose or sinus issues
If you know a misanthrope: Have compassion for them. They are not doing it because they are happy
If you have this attitude: Come to peace with the idea that we are all in this school of life together, sometimes teaching, sometimes learning, sometimes stuck
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence communicates with us, and do the self-esteem exercise
(thought, attitude, emotion, belief)
Loathing of females or defenseless creatures (by males or females). Belief that they can serve no useful purpose other than to reproduce
Spiritual effects: Abandonment, addictions, bullying, greed
Physical effects: Lactose intolerance, impotence, infertility, prostate issues
Change the pattern: Do the forgiveness and tolerance exercises
(thought, attitude)
Asking God for guidance, waiting around long enough to hear it and then following it. Obedience does not mean doing what another human tells you to do, or doing what they say God says you must do - it means following the instructions given to you by your own guide when you have asked for assistance from the Universal Intelligence. See Section 11
Observation mode State of consciousness in which we simply observe, and pay attention to, all that is happening around us and within us, without judging any of it. Get there by practicing being centred
(thought, attitude)
Thought pattern that says, "Things will get better." Results from choosing to live in the light of faith, hope and trust rather than the darkness of despair, doom and gloom. Optimism raises our vibrational frequancy, thereby decreasing drag on our cells and enabling us to recover from traumatic events more quickly and fully.

Check out this ScienceDaly report, "After decades of research, a new study links optimism and prolonged life. Researchers have found that individuals with greater optimism are more likely to live longer and to achieve 'exceptional longevity,' that is, living to age 85 or older."
(thought, attitude)
Ability to wait without having any negative thoughts, attitudes or emotions. In these days of almost instant gratification, we see more and more outbursts of rage - on roads, in airplanes, even simply standing in a lineup. It seems like we get angry over having to wait any longer than 30 seconds for whatever it is we are wanting. See self-importance
How to build patience: Use wait times as opportunities to get centred and focus on what is happening around us
(thought, emotion)
Inner peace - State of calm acceptance that becomes possible when we accept responsibility for our own choices and allow others the same privilege. Such acceptance becomes possible when we are free of the human desire to judge, criticise, and condemn and control, because we recognize that we can only change ourselves.

World peace - How exactly could world peace come about? Unless it is forced upon us (a contradiction in terms), something will be required of us to bring it about. Many believe that a higher intelligence, or Jesus, or extraterrestrials, or maybe even a powerful politician, will bring peace to the planet and save humanity from the brink of destruction. How might it feel to have someone come along and tell us what to do? Maybe that higher intelligence will just tell the government what to do, and then everything will be all right - then we ourselves will not have to do anything differently.

What if that higher intelligence said that in order to save ourselves, we would have to forgive all those who had ever harmed us in any way, intentionally or otherwise? Or that we would have to share our resources? How might we feel? What if that higher intelligence said that not even one of us can continue to hold onto contempt, intolerance, prejudice and/or resentment? What would we do? What could we do? Would we be able to forgive those who had harmed us or our loved ones, or committed heinous crimes? What might happen if peace were imposed before resolution of all disagreements? Who would decide territorial, relationship, criminal, legal, family and neighbourhood disputes once and for all? Think of it: every single dispute ON THE PLANET would need to be resolved.

Cause for hope: Although it may not seem so, the peoples of this planet are gradually evolving toward democratic peace. It is a very slow process, because after all, we all want what we want when we want it. As the knowledge and spirit of equality amongst we humans becomes more widespread though, peace will continue to escalate
How to build peace: Practice tolerance, read about war. Do the forgiveness exercises. Visit Wikipedia and learn about Restorative Justice
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Unable or unwilling to accept any person or thing that does not meet excessively rigid standards, and a tendency to correct every little thing we say or do without a word of praise or appreciation. Nothing is ever quite good enough. When we place these standards upon another person, we are controlling, judging, criticising and condemning them. It is control when we in effect say, “You must do this my way, the right way, the only way.” It is judgment and criticism when we decide that they are doing it wrong, and condemnation when we decide to punish them in some way for their failure to do what we want, the way we want it done. It is far better to strive for excellence than perfection, but they have not yet learned this lesson.

We use these standards to gain either our own or someone else's approval (even if they are not present). The pattern can begin early in childhood as a response to constant criticism from our caregivers for doing anything that does not meet their standards, or when we feel invisible in the family and seek attention.

As annoying as the behaviour can be, try to feel compassion for perfectionists. After all, they are even more critical of themselves than they are of others. They have not yet learned that it is far better to strive for excellence than perfection.
Looks like: "Fixing" what someone else has done just because we do not like the way it was done (It has to be done this way.)
Sounds like: "If I don't do it, it won't get done right."
Spiritual effects: Always looking to catch others in an error; unable or unwilling to acknowledge that we just learned something new (because of course we already know everything)
Physical effects: Acne, arthritis, bunions, liver diseases, obsessive compulsive behaviours
Change the pattern: Meditate and do the tolerance exercises in Section 9
Persecution complex
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Feeling that everyone is out to get us, or is judging us, or is thinking about us (see narcissism, self-importance, victim). Can stem from too little or too much favourable attention in early childhood
Sounds like: They all think I am bad and they are making my life miserable to punish me
Physical effects: Difficulty in maintaining close, satisfying relationships, hiding one’s face when speaking, mumbling or talking fast
Change the pattern: Do the self-esteem exercise in Section 9
(thought, attitude)
Thought pattern that says things like, "What's the point - things will never work out the way I want anyway". "Things will never turn out right." "What else is new?" "I will never amount to anything." Results from having judged, criticised and condemned self, others, and/or the Universal Intelligence for failing to reward our efforts or give us that which we desire or feel we need. Can begin as an act of spite or revenge. See passive/aggressive disorder
Pessimism decreases our vibrational frequancy, thereby increasing drag on our cells and preventing us from recovering from traumatic events quickly and fully.
Physical effects: Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, chronic lower back pain and/or sciatica, eye problems, insomnia and other sleep disorders
Change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result
(thought, attitude)
Childishly sulking to make everyone suffer for not giving us what we want. See blame, manipulation, spite, victim
Sounds like: "If you will not let me make all the rules and be the star, I will take my ball and go home. Then you will be sorry."
Change the pattern: Learn about greed, humility, sacrifice
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Condition in which our fear of a particular experience is transferred onto one or more creatures, objects or activities, because that is safer than acknowledging the real cause. Phobias can also develop as a result of having felt a complete loss of control in a situation, such that one feels compelled to avoid potentially similar situations
Physical effects: Similar to the effects of long-term anxiety, but usually occurring upon encountering the object of dread: heart, lung and skin disorders, nausea, as well as nervous behaviours like shaky hands, nail-biting, repetitive scratching, inability to concentrate or focus on the matter at hand, jerky movements
Change the pattern: Spiritually: Meditate to identify the underlying fear and its spiritual root cause, as well as the reasons for choosing to react to life in this particular way. Physically: Learn to breathe better
(thought, attitude)
Act of talking to the Universal Intelligence. It seems like we are always asking God (the Universal Intelligence, our Creator, the Source of all that is) for favours, as if God were a fairy godmother or a genie in a bottle; for example, heal me...heal someone else...keep someone alive...let someone die...punish someone for me...let my team win the big game...let me win the lottery... Saying the words, "Thy will be done," can avoid much needless worry and distress. Many use prayer as a protection from evil or from the wrath of God. This is not prayer - this is ritual and superstition, which is nothing more than fear that has become habit. Instead of telling God what we want, try asking in meditation what we can do better and experience the profound life changes that are possible
(thought, attitude)
Accepting someone else’s judgment of another, rather than forming our own opinion based on our own experiences. Do the self-esteem and tolerance exercises in Section 9. See fake news, gossip
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
We put off doing that which we have agreed to do, and then wonder why we are nagged. The procrastination / nagging game can go on for years, with each person blaming the other for the situation
Spiritual effects: Avoidance, dawdling, passive/aggressive disorder, laziness
Physical effects: Chronic fatigue, hearing, seeing or memory problems, hypochondria
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn what we are trying to gain or create by avoiding doing that which we have agreed to do
Quantum entanglement Commonly known as karma, this spiritual system of checks and balances ensures repayment of all favours given and debts incurred throughout each of our incarnations. Once souls in physical form have interacted, they are connected across space and time until they understand - and forgive - their motives for actions taken or not taken. This information is recorded in the Akashic records, so our guides know exactly what is owed to whom. Repayment comes in the form of lessons, which are presented by each soul’s guide in the appropriate incarnation at the appropriate time. The system applies to individuals as well as groups, as can be seen in nations that continually battle. Until there is forgiveness, the warring will continue. See legacy guilt and legacy resentment
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Seething, explosive anger and fury. Can be directed at an individual or a group. See contempt, hatred, judgment, patience, tolerance
(thought, behaviour)
Dismissing someone or something because of inferiority or imperfection (see cold shoulder, isolation). Used as a punishment when we have judged, criticised and condemned someone or something. Rejection of a person can be a form of abandonment. Rejection of an idea can be a form of denial. When someone has rejected us, we can feel ashamed of our words, our actions or ourselves
Physical effects: Arthritis, nausea
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn that rejection closes the door to communication
Unable or unwilling to acknowledge that we have had a negative experience. This is a learned behaviour that can begin in very early childhood as a conscious choice, but develops into a seemingly unconscious reaction whenever experiencing strong emotions (denial)
Spiritual effects: Unexpected explosive rages
Physical effects: Addictions, digestive issues, obsessive/compulsive behaviours
Change the pattern: Visit Section 9 and do the forgiveness and grieving exercises
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Holding onto a deep-seated grudge against someone who has hurt or offended us can create the habitual need for revenge. We can even get addicted to the high that comes from allowing our hurt to excuse us from behaving responsibly. Can become a habitual response to people or circumstances that do not meet with our approval. See legacy resentment
Sounds like: “I hate you and I will never forgive you” or “You will pay for that”
Physical effects: Arthritis, digestive issues, heart problems, lung issues, high cholesterol, bladder and urinary tract infections
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn that resentment hurts self as well as others. Check out legacy resentment
(thought, attitude)
Willingness to treat self and others with patience and tolerance, mercy and forgiveness, because we are all children of God. We are all in varying stages of spiritual development and we are all capable of greatness, or of making terrible choices.

Being respectful helps us build healthy relationships; however, there is no guarantee of receiving respect back.

Using another's possessions and/or taking their property without their permission, and then saying, "I thought you would not mind" is actually disrespect and a guilt trip, because it can shame the person into pretending not to mind. Failure to ask permission can stem either from fear that it might not be given or from the belief that we are somehow "entitled". See arrogance
Restorative justice
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
“...a philosophy and an approach that views crime and conflict as harm done to people and relationships. It is a non-adversarial, non-retributive approach to justice that emphasizes healing in victims, accountability of offenders, and the involvement of citizens in creating healthier, safer communities. The goal is to reach meaningful, satisfying, and fair outcomes through inclusion, open communication, and truth." Quoted from http://www.csc-scc.gc.ca/restorative-justice/index-eng.shtml  Check out forgiveness
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)
Deep need to retaliate against someone who has offended us by hurting someone/anyone/everyone as badly as we have been hurt. Can be a desire to teach someone a lesson they will never forget.

It may feel like hurting others is the only way to deal with our pain, but there is another way … forgiveness. However, forgiveness requires (and enables) us to stop allowing ourselves to react with resentment. Sharing our feelings is a great start toward changing the pattern because often the offender has no idea that their words or actions hurt us. At the very least, doing so can validate our experience, and may even open the door to new understanding.

World peace will be impossible until we as individuals stop resenting others and wanting revenge. So let us not leave it up to the other guy, or the government, or other countries. Let us be the one to flex our forgiveness muscle
Sounds like: “I was hurt so it is okay for me to hurt anyone who gets in my way,” “What goes around comes around,” “Serves you right,” or “God will get you for this" or "God will hurt you for me”
Spiritual effects: Abandonment, cold shoulder, depression, obsessive/compulsive behaviours
Physical effects: Digestive problems, heart disease, high cholesterol, lung problems
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn that wanting revenge leads to other poor spiritual choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, war
Reverse abandonment
(thought, behaviour)
Some people with a fear of abandonment react to it by seeming to have a nasty disposition, which causes others to leave them - reverse abandonment. The fear prevents them from trusting enough to form meaningful relationships. Being unkind or uncaring keeps them in control of their relationships: "If I am mean enough, or if they think I do not care about them, nobody will want to have anything to do with me and then there will be no danger of anyone leaving (abandoning) me, or at least I will not be surprised when they do". See abandonment, isolation
Change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result - fear can bring about that which is feared. Find the root cause of the fear. If it results from having been abandoned as a young child, there needs to be a realization that children are not responsible for their caregivers’ behaviour or choices
Being willing to set aside our needs or beliefs in order to be of service to the Universal Intelligence. We often call it sacrifice if we help someone, even if we really do it because we are unable to say no. True sacrifice means giving up what we want to do, in favour of what the Universal Intelligence (through our guide in meditation) has asked, or not doing something we want to do because the Universe (through our guide in meditation) has asked that we not. Sometimes this includes not stepping in to help someone unless we have been invited to do so
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Words, whether spoken aloud, that are intended to ridicule or harm self or others under the guise of humour
Physical effects: Upper respiratory infections, speaking in a nasal tone of voice
Change the pattern: Do the self-esteem exercise in Section 9
(thought, attitude)
Treating someone as though they are not worthy of our respect. Results from having judged, criticised and condemned someone, and our scorn is the punishment. See contempt, self-righteousness
Looks like: Glaring at someone
Physical effects: Arthritis, heart disease, lung problems, eye or nose issues
Change the pattern: Do the tolerance exercises in Section 9
Seeking of Truth and Understanding
(thought, attitude)
Being willing to confront Universal Truth about self, our experiences and our belief systems can lead us to full understanding, which enables us to release the past fully and with love. When we resent someone, we often feel fully justified in not seeking any understanding at all about the offending person's possible motives or intentions for their words or actions. All too often though, offenders are not even aware that they have caused injury. That is one of the reasons that forgiveness is so important
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Using others to further self and our own interests, under the guise of it being for the other guy's benefit
Sounds like: Pretending that what we advise others to do is to help only them, and may even hurt us. Selling a product under the false pretense that the buyer will benefit because of it, or will come to harm without it, when the only true reason for selling it is to benefit self
Spiritual effects: Greed
Physical effects: Heart problems, digestive issues, foot problems
Change the pattern: See humility and do the self-esteem exercise
(thought, attitude)
Ability to accept our good, and our not-so-good, thoughts, attitudes, emotions, beliefs, desires and behaviours without judgment, criticism or condemnation. Goes hand in hand with self-respect. Unstable self-esteem prevents us from approving of self unless and until someone (usually an authority figure) first gives us their approval.
Sounds like: Can be a constant fight with self: we do something and may think we did all right, but then wait for someone else to agree. If they tell us they do not like what we did, we immediately judge, criticise and condemn self - not only for having done a lousy job, but for having had the nerve to think we did well. We feel they have attacked us and we respond with anger, usually (but not always) directed at self. It is a short step then to a wave of depression
Spiritual effects: Co-dependent relationships, feeling like a victim, unable or unwilling to say "no"
Physical effects: Ear conditions, headaches, knee problems, lung / sinus / upper respiratory infections, sciatica
Change the pattern: Do the self-esteem exercise
(thought, attitude)
Belief that we are more deserving of attention than others, and that everything that happens to us is of the utmost importance to everyone. Can be the belief that our beliefs are flawless, or that everything that happens, be it an experience or even a conversation, is about us. Holding self in very high regard.

Pride and conceit are offshoots of ego and self-importance. Self-importance and self-condemnation often go hand-in-hand, because even if we feel proud of some of our accomplishments, we may also be ashamed of some of our words or actions
Sounds like: What about me? Me, me, me. I want to tell you about me and my family, or friends, or pets, or job, or hobbies, or experiences; anything, so long as I do not have to listen to anything about you. See babble, narcissism
Physical effects: Chronic flatulence, vertigo
Change the pattern: Do the self-esteem exercise
(thought, attitude)
Using others for our benefit, with regard only for self
Physical effects: Digestion issues
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the reasons for feeling deprived, ignored or neglected
(thought, attitude)
Belief that self is morally pure and beyond reproach, in comparison against someone whom we have judged as being less than perfect. No one can escape life on earth without having harmed another, either physically or emotionally, even if whether intentionally or accidentally
Sounds like: I would never hurt anyone the way you have hurt me. God will punish you, but he will forgive me. At least I am not like that person
Physical effects: High cholesterol, eye problems, sepsis
Change the pattern: Do the forgiveness exercises in Section 9
(thought, emotion)
Feelings of embarrassment, guilt and remorse that come upon learning that we are not perfect. Shame can lead to feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt and low or unstable self-esteem. Can create the need to live in a state of secrecy about self and our experiences, and a need for isolation. Often associated with a constant state of fear, even panic, that one will be found out. Can create the need for addictive behaviours and substances. Abused children often have a deep sense of shame, for they can believe that they were responsible for their negative experiences. Shame can be a component of survivor's guilt and PTSD
Sounds like: It is all my fault and I should be punished. I am bad and everyone can see it
Physical effects: Skin disorders
Change the pattern: Do the Self-esteem, Grieving and Forgiveness exercises in Section 9
(thought, attitude)
Control word used to let someone know that we know what is best for them, and that they do not have a clue. Before telling someone else what they should do, consider how it feels to be on the receiving end of uninvited advice
Physical effects: Nerve damage, high cholesterol
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of our desire/need to be in charge. Are you worried that you might be a control freak? Asking questions to help others find their own best options or solutions is a great way to start changing the pattern
Silent rebellion
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Actions taken when feeling completely powerless to improve one's on-going emotional plight. The actions need only have the effect of shocking, annoying or repelling others. Examples (in no particular order): laziness, poor posture, wearing too much perfume, refusing to bathe, wearing dirty, ill-fitting or revealing clothing, wearing garish makeup, getting tattoos and/or body piercings, styling one's hair to be shocking, hoarding.

The alternative, addressing the issue with anyone contributing to the plight, is not even a possibility because of the belief that it would be pointless because they will always win, no matter what. The fear is that discussion could even make things worse, if that were possible.

When someone feels so impotent that they have to resort to some form of silent rebellion, they can feel that there is no point in doing anything at all - and certainly no point in doing it well. They have lost hope that these conditions will ever change, and they have learned that nothing they do will ever have any positive outcome. It is a miracle to them if they are able to even get up out of bed in the morning.

This complete and utter despair results from constant judgment, criticism and condemnation from a loved one. No matter what they say or do, that person will never give their approval, so of course they have no dreams, for what would be the point? They will just get dumped on anyway, so they see no reason to even try.

The so-called laziness continues until they finally figure out a way to get back at those they feel have created this condition. Then it is, "Aha, I have it!" and they are on the road to repeating self-destructive behaviours that are even more harmful than laziness, without knowing why they are doing them. Because they have finally taken action, the anger and frustration magically go away (or at least become suppressed) and that is all that really matters.

Change the pattern: As difficult as it can be to stop needing approval from others, that is exactly what is needed to start changing the pattern. Start living for self, instead of living to hear from someone else that what we are doing is good, and right, and important. Of course the loved one WILL NOT LIKE this change and will do everything in their power to make things go back to the way they were, so it is important to be strong and know that there is a world full of people who will happily give their approval. The sooner we come to peace with this truth, the sooner we can get on with our lives and become who we were meant to be. Do the self-esteem exercise
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Taking every single opportunity to point out another’s flaws to make her or him feel bad and/or to make self feel big and powerful, especially, but not necessarily, in front of others. Sniping is judgment, criticism and condemnation, and a passive/aggressive act of revenge. It is NOT done out of a desire to help someone
Change the pattern: Do the How to stop sniping exercise in Section 9
Soul mate
(thought, belief)
Belief that we are incomplete until we find the specific person whom the Universal Intelligence created only for us. In fact, we were created as individual souls, whole and complete. We each belong to a family of souls, and sometimes we may experience a feeling of familiarity. This feeling can also result from past life associations with the individual, so check with your guide
Spiritual effects: Co-dependent relationships, feeling like a victim
Change the pattern: See confirmation bias, do the self-esteem exercise and check out Will I ever find my soul mate?
Spiritual self-awareness
Beyond being aware of self as an individual person, spiritual self-awareness means being aware of self as an individual soul among countless trillions, each with an unbreakable connection to Source. This includes awareness of our soul name, our soul’s purpose during our current incarnation and our guide. See Section 11
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Act of harming self in the hope that the one(s) who hurt us will notice and then feel guilty for what they have done or not done
Sounds like: "I refuse to enjoy life because of the way you treated me"
Spiritual effects: Choosing to live one's life in misery or deprivation; returning a cherished gift to its original owner; thoughts of abandonment and/or suicide
Physical effects: Heart disease, lung problems, high cholesterol, digestive or nose problems, sinusitis
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn that the desire for revenge leads to other poor spiritual choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt. Check out legacy resentment
Status quo bias
(thought, attitude)
This is a need to avoid any change, at any cost. It arises from a fear of change since no matter how unpleasant our current situation, the fear says that changing anything might make matters even worse. So we go on as we always have, wishing for change but seemingly unable to do anything to help ourselves. We end up being our own victim
Spiritual effects: Strong need to be in control, depression, chronic frustration, repeated injuries, unresolved grief
Physical effects: Anemia, unstable blood pressure, cancer, varicose veins
Change the pattern: Meditate to gain self-acceptance and visit WikiHow to learn how to deal with change
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Self-imposed punishment for having judged, criticised and condemned self to be a failure. The condemnation, the sentence, is harming ourselves in some way, either spiritually or physically. See PTSD
Spiritual effects: Withholding from self whatever it is that one most wants
Physical effects: Addictions, high blood pressure, insomnia
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn the triggers
Conscious choice to keep our thoughts, attitudes and emotions about painful experiences hidden from others. Can begin as an act of spite. As with repression, keeping everything bottled up inside can create the need for mood-altering substances or habits. Can prevent us from forming deep, emotional bonds or meaningful relationships
Physical effects: Obsessive/compulsive behaviours
Change the pattern: Do the grieving exercise in Section 9, plus meditate to find and resolve the root cause of the behaviour
Survivor's Guilt
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Crippling condition creating much pain, discomfort and negativity. Can become an addiction. Losing loved ones through death caused by any means can create survivor's guilt. Remaining healthy when a loved one becomes unwell can also create it, as can growing up as the normal child in a family with a special needs child. Also, some Christians believe that since Christ died on the cross for them, they must prove their appreciation by inflicting pain upon themselves
Sounds like: "I cannot/will not ever succeed. Nothing of lasting benefit can or will come from me. There cannot/will not be any joy in my life. If something good does happen, I cannot/will not celebrate. I cannot/ will not contribute to a society that allowed (whatever) to happen." Why? Finding enjoyment in life could be seen as a betrayal of the loved one, or of the family. It could be seen as a failure to punish self enough.

Those suffering from survivor’s guilt often tell themselves (and others) that their deceased loved one was much more worthy to be alive than they; however, being alive is not a question of worthiness; it is not a reward. Coming into physical form is a part of the entire experience of those souls who do so.

Remember that God does not ever judge, criticise or condemn us, and that our loved one's experiences were a part of their path. We cannot walk their path for them. We must allow them the dignity of ownership. We must not use their experiences as an excuse for failing to live well, or for holding onto resentment or for seeking vengeance, or for punishing self
Physical effects: Heart disease, lung problems, depression
Change the pattern: Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence is in charge of matters of life and death. Then meditate to learn your true life purpose
Temper tantrums
Pattern of behaving like an undisciplined child to get one`s way, to control others, or to divert attention. Anger may or may not be triggering the behaviour. See rage
Looks like: Throwing objects, using violence toward self or another, ranting and raving, stomping around, threatening suicide, using the silent treatment
Sounds like: "Why can’t you ever …" or "Why do I always have to …" or "I want …"
Change the pattern: Meditate to identify the cause of the pattern and resolve the inner conflict creating it. Read about how to stop temper tantrums, if an adult is doing it and if a child is doing it
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Ability to observe people or to have certain experiences without their creating negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions within us. Intolerance creates much of the turmoil on this planet. As souls in human form, we face many spiritual challenges. Chief among them is the temptation to hate. If we as individuals fail to grasp the lesson that all are equally loved by the Universal Intelligence, the spiritual laws of reincarnation and karma will ensure that we return to try, try again. Failure of groups and nations to “get it” creates negative societal patterns such as legacy guilt and legacy resentment. Until the many issues dividing us are resolved, until we allow forgiveness into our lives, we will be unable to meet our full potential
Change the pattern: Reduce intolerance by doing the Forgiveness and Tolerance exercises in Section 9
Toxic relationship This is a relationship in which neither person can thrive, and each claims the other is the problem. Neither is prepared to let go of their position; neither will apologize and neither will forgive; both think the other is infuriatingly stubborn and/or controlling; and, most of all, that they are just plain wrong.

Perhaps the biggest frustration in toxic relationships is that we are unable to fix them, or even get out of them without being consumed with guilt, resentment and remorse. We tell ourselves that it would be mean and cruel to leave, so we keep trying to get the other person to change; but of course, nothing works. Since we cannot make anyone else change, or even want to change, change is up to us
Change the pattern: Do the Forgiveness and Self-esteem exercises in Section 9
Traumatic events Any event that causes physical or emotional pain is considered by the Universal Intelligence to be traumatic for us. Of course some events are far less traumatic than others and we can recover from them more easily. This does not lessen their impact though, especially for children or those reliant on others to provide understanding about what has happened. Without understanding, grieving and forgiveness, resolution is not possible. Unresolved, trauma can affect us throughout our entire lifetime contributing to addictions, obsessive compulsive behaviours, and even chronic disease. Here are just a few childhood events that are often trivialized by caregivers, that can affect us throughout our lives: becoming lost, suffering sibling abuse, having to vie for caregivers’ attention, new child entering the family without advance notice or preparation, being falsely accused of wrongdoing, being criticised for having normal human emotions or bodily functions. See PTSD, visit Section 2. Watch "How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime", a TED Talks presentation by Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris
(thought, attitude)
Knowing that our Creator loves us unconditionally, that everything required for our learning will be provided, and that each and every experience is given to help us learn how to love ourselves and others unconditionally
Unconditional Love
Acceptance without conditions (a lack of negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions). We are loved unconditionally by the Universal Intelligence. There is nothing we have to do, nothing we have to change, in order to be loved by God. Universal energy registers in us as unconditional love.

Believing that God judges us is to believe that the love is conditional, and this is an untruth and an impossibility, since judgment, criticism and condemnation impose conditions.

Unconditional love can be seen as "tough love", because it allows us to experience all things. It tests us by allowing physical consequences for our spiritual choices. It allows us to feel pain; it allows us to cause pain. See free will
Universal Intelligence The Source of everything is known by many names: Creator, Source, Universal Intelligence, Singularity, God, Allah, Yahweh, Heavenly Father or Mother, Great Spirit, The Universe, They, It, Her or Him. It is energy: deeply intelligent, responsive, unconditionally loving, energy. When connecting with it, we may feel an upwelling of emotion that literally brings tears to our eyes. It registers in us as unconditional love. We know then that everything is ok and there is nothing we need to do or change to gain approval. We are loved unconditionally.
Nothing exists in physical without first having existed in thought. Think about it.
Universal truth Information that is free from negative thoughts, attitudes or emotions, and that is logical and straightforward. As we grow in spiritual understanding, it becomes easier to recognize the differences between Universal truth and our human truth. See confirmation bias
Vibrational frequency Every atom in the universe, including each and every soul, vibrates at a specific frequency. It was set at the time of creation, but is not static - it rises or lowers during physical incarnation, according to our negative or positive reactions to our life experiences. Our aim as souls is to return to our original state of profound spiritual awareness and unconditional love - back to Source. Reducing and refining our negative thoughts enables this. See Section 11
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Belief that we have no power to change our life situation, or to protect self from others' negative words or actions. Belief that anything negative in our life has been caused by anyone or anything but self, or that there is no protection from all the dangers that exist in the world. Pattern can usually be traced to a traumatic childhood experience that has not been understood or resolved, which prevents it from being released. Can also come from caregivers being over- or under-protective. Feeling like a victim means that we are blaming others and giving away our power. Being a victim of a crime can also be one of our many required life lessons. It is important to work through our thoughts, attitudes and emotions surrounding the event, seeking understanding and practicing forgiveness. While we cannot change past events, we can change our reactions to them and thereby change our future
Sounds like: Constant pity parties, telling how everyone has hurt us, everyone is better off than us, nothing ever works out for us, nobody likes us, everyone is always taking advantage of us, etc. See denial, martyrdom, passive/aggressive, narcissism
Physical effects: HIV/AIDS, anemia, knee problems, rheumatoid arthritis, hypochondria, cancer, Crohn's Disease, athlete's foot, varicose veins
Change the pattern: See What is our spiritual diet?
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
To fully understand why war exists, we must acknowledge the negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions within self, and know that they cause us to behave in negative ways. Holding a grudge against someone for failing to live up to our standards, or for not giving us what we want, is the first step toward war on a personal level. We justify our actions by saying that the person or people we resent deserve it because somehow they are less than human; they do not deserve our respect; they deserve to suffer.

Political leaders are no different than us. They want what they want when they want it, so they take it. War begins when someone says they cannot have it. The population is dragged into their temper tantrum, along a path of wanton fury. The leader says it is for their benefit (self-aggrandizement). Another society is then forced to take on the role of parent to stop them
Sounds like:
On a personal level: Stealing from a corporation by making false or inflated insurance claims, using someone's property without their permission, encroaching on a neighbour’s property, etc.
On a national level: Subjecting segments of a population to various forms of control or extinction
On an international level: Forcibly taking over the lands of another domain, subjecting its inhabitants to various forms of control or extinction
Change the pattern: Read about legacy guilt and legacy resentment in Section 7. Do all of the piritual exercises in Section 9. Visit Wikipedia and read about Restorative Justice
(thought, attitude)
Busy thoughts: wondering how everything will turn out; trying to plan everything; wondering what others are thinking; wondering how others will react to our actions. Excessive worry can create anxiety and panic attacks.

Worry is often used as a means of control over our loved ones and indicates that judgment, criticism and condemnation have taken place. For example, saying we are worried about someone is like saying that we think they are incapable of doing the right thing, that we think they will come to some harm if they continue doing whatever it is they are doing.

Those in co-dependent relationships often worry about their partner. They say they are concerned that their loved one will come to some harm, but the real worry is about self. This is not love - this is control
Sounds like: What if... If I do this, then he/she will do... If I do this, then he/she will think...
Physical effects: Chronic bleeding nose, digestive problems, ear problems, hair loss, insomnia, nail biting or chronic pain
Change the pattern: Do the How to stop worrying exercise


Abandonment   Anger   Anxiety   Arrogance   At least   Attribution bias   Authority figure   Avoidance  

Basic spiritual needs   Belief systems   Blame   Bullying  

Child abuse   Co-dependent relationship   Compassion   Complacency   Condemnation   Confirmation bias   Contempt   Control   Criticism  

Defiance   Déjà vu   Denial   Distress   Distrust   Double standard   Dread  

Echo chamber   Ego   Embarrassment   Envy  

Faith   Fake news   Fear   Fear of abandonment   Fear of change   Fear of commitment   Fear of confrontation   Fear of contamination and/or disease   Fear of death and dying   Fear of failure or of success   Fear of intimacy   Fear of invasion   Fear of looking stupid   Fear of negative energies   Fear of retribution   Fear of telling the truth   Fear of the unknown   Feedback loop   Finally   Flat tire   Forbearance   Forgiveness   Free will  

Gossip   Grace   Gratitude   Greed   Grief   Guide/Angel/Teacher   Guilt   Guilt trips  

Hatred   Honesty   Humility   Hypervigilance   Hypocrite  

Ignorance   Inner conflict   Insolence   Isolation  

Jealousy   Joy   Judgment  

Manipulation   Martyrdom   Meditation   Mercy   Misanthropic   Misogyny  

Obedience   Observation mode   Optimism

Patience   Peace   Perfectionism   Persecution complex   Pessimism   Petulance   Phobias   Prayer   Prejudice   Procrastination  

Quantum entanglement  

Rage   Rejection   Repression   Resentment   Respect   Restorative justice   Revenge   Reverse abandonment  

Sacrifice   Sarcasm   Scorn   Seeking of truth and understanding   Self-aggrandizement   Self-esteem   Self-importance   Self-interest   Self-righteousness   Shame   Should   Silent rebellion   Sniping   Soul mate   Spiritual self-awareness   Spite   Status quo bias   Stress   Suppression   Survivor's guilt  

Temper tantrums   Tolerance   Toxic relationship   Traumatic events   Trust  

Unconditional love   Universal intelligence   Universal truth  

Vibrational frequency   Victim  

War   Worry

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