|
|
|||||
| Section 1 | Section 2 | Section 3 | Section 4 | Section 5 | Section 6 | Section 7 | Section 9 | |||||
| Share Tweet | |||||
|
Abandonment (thought,
attitude, emotion, behaviour) Overwhelming
desire to run away from a difficult situation, and can
become a habitual response to issues that trigger us
(also called "running away"). Abandonment can
take many forms:
Physical
effects of the pattern: Addictions,
obsessive/compulsive disorder, heel spurs, hip and knee
problems, heart disease |
| Anger (emotion)
Strong feeling of displeasure or hostility. Anger cannot
be dealt with and released if it is repressed or suppressed, and it can then
become resentment. People can use
the threat of an angry outburst to control and manipulate others. If we
allow our fear of someone's
angry outburst to prevent us from speaking Truth, we
might be blaming him or her for
our own behaviour. e.g.: Why can't you ever...? Why do
you always...? When is it going to be my turn? How could
you do this to me? Of course, anger can also be used to
bring about positive changes. This website exists because
of my own frustration at having no practical spiritual
resources available (sorry, but religion didn't help me
AT ALL) Physical effects of the pattern: Habitually carrying anger can create heartburn/indigestion, liver problems, depression, migraine headaches, skin disorders, heart disease and stroke to, ultimately, a general systems failure. The physical results do not manifest in the one we’re angry with; rather, they appear in one’s own body How to change the pattern: Ask questions instead of assuming that you already know. |
| Anxiety (emotion)
Intense feelings of dread, uneasiness or apprehension
that arise for no apparent reason. The feelings can
become so overwhelming that panic sets in. These feelings
are a reflection of unrecognized fears within that have
been allowed to run amok.) Like addictions, anxiety can be a learned
behaviour. Finding the spiritual root cause can bring
true inner peace. e.g.: Gasp! What if...? Physical effects of the pattern: The physical results of long-term anxiety can be heart/lung and skin disorders, as well as the appearance of being nervous - shaky hands, repetitive scratching, inability to concentrate or focus on the matter at hand, sudden, jerky movements How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear brings about that which is feared. Focus on the open road instead of the fence running beside it. |
| Arrogance (attitude) An
attitude that places oneself above (or below) all others,
and a tendency to announce this superiority (or
inferiority!) to others. Arrogant people tend to believe
that rules and laws apply to everyone else but them.
Arrogance is a lack of respect for other
people, their possessions and their boundaries, and a
lack of consideration for their needs and feelings.
Arrogance can be seen in bullies, who tend to be loud,
aggressive and/or controlling. Arrogant people seem to
feel justified in whatever they are doing, yet make no
attempt to understand or excuse anyone else's behaviour.
They seem to think the world owes them a debt, and/or
that meeting their needs (or those of their
children/pets) should be everybody's top priority.
Arrogance can come from low self-esteem or from over
self-confidence (see bi-polar disorder). Arrogant
people tend to disobey traffic laws by habitually
speeding (or refusing to keep up with the speed limit),
parking illegally or even driving drunk. They are very
often late for appointments and scheduled events such as
flight departures or movies. They often claim forgetfulness when failing to
honour commitments. See also passive/aggressive. e.g.: It's ok
if I break the law. It's ok if I cheat.
It's ok if I hold onto anger and resentment and seek revenge Physical effects of the pattern: Arrogance can manifest in physical in the heart, the digestive system, the face and nose and even the feet How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn who we're really trying to hurt |
| At least (thought, attitude) When these words are used to compare self to another, shows that judgment, criticism and condemnation have taken place. See self-righteousness |
| Avoidance The pattern of
wanting to postpone, indefinitely, that which needs to be
done. Avoidance of the responsibilities of daily life is
only one part of this pattern. When working with the
Universal Intelligence to resolve inner conflicts, the
desire to not look will be honoured unless we state to
our guide that even though there may be fear, our true desire is to deal with
the past and look for full understanding and Universal
Truth. We can want to avoid forgiving those who have
harmed us. We often avoid answering difficult questions.
Wanting to avoid feeling discomfort of any sort can
result in an extreme fear of anything beyond our realm of
control. Avoidance of making decisions can result in
clutter and "pack-rat-ism". Avoidance and denial work together. The term,
"productive procrastination" has been coined to
show that we can fool ourselves into thinking that we are
so busy being productive that we cannot possibly find the
time to do the thing that we know needs to be done, or
the thing that we have promised we will do. e.g.: I can't
meet my commitment because my spouse, children, pet,
boss... I'll just do this one thing and then
I'll... See also procrastination Physical effects of the pattern: Long-term avoidance can result in sensory problems or failure (hearing, seeing, memory, etc.). Sometimes we can want so badly to avoid doing something that we can wish we were sick so that we can escape our duties without blame. The long-term result of such a wish can be chronic ailments, or even hypochondria. Can also create co-dependency between the one avoiding and the one nagging How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn what we're trying to create by avoiding doing something |
| Blame (attitude,
emotion) Placing responsibility for our misfortune or for
our own negative behaviours on someone or something else,
be it another human, God, "Satan", negative
energies, genetics, the environment, anything or anyone
but self. The blame pattern prevents us from looking for
the Truth about our
part in our own misfortune. Blame is often an ingredient
in denial. See also victim. e.g.: You made me fail. You
made me hurt you. It's all your fault. It's all their
fault Physical effects of the pattern: Habitual blame can create anemia, arthritis, eye problems, heartburn and/or indigestion, high blood pressure, kidney disorders, post-nasal drip, poor posture, thyroid problems, tooth decay How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn whose approval we're trying to gain by not taking responsibility for our words/actions |
| Child Abuse Depriving a
child of any of the basic necessities of life or
withholding them as a punishment: love, approval,
attention, affection, emotional support, physical food,
privacy, sleep. Inflicting physical or emotional pain on
a child, whether as punishment for a
“wrong-doing” or as a means of teaching
discipline, is seen as child abuse. The abuse can be
obvious, as when a child is physically beaten, but it can
also be subtle, leaving no visible scars, as with verbal
or emotional abuse. It is the caregiver's responsibility
to find ways to teach the child without being abusive.
Child abuse and neglect are seen as a failure of the
caregivers to provide both physical nurturing and
emotional support for those who have been placed in their
care. Child abuse can occur when the caregiver treats a
child in a negative way in order to win the approval of
an authority figure (whether it is a person or a thing).
Some victims of child abuse
never recover and develop addictions or turn to crime, never finding peace Physical effects of the pattern: If you were the victim of child abuse, effects can range from chronic pain (spiritual and/or physical) that requires constant "medication" to all sorts of physical illnesses How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that the statement "Once a victim, always a victim" is no longer true. If we can confront the truth that we are not responsible for how our caregivers raised us, we can begin to see ourselves as children of God instead of our caregivers' children |
| Co-dependent
relationship There is a fine line between
being supportive of someone and being in a co-dependent
relationship with him or her. Almost any human
relationship can become co-dependent (spouses, parents,
siblings, children, friends, co-workers, etc.). It stops
being supportive when it starts preventing independent
thought and action. Shows a lack of trust either for self
or the other person Physical effects of the pattern: Co-dependent relationships can create an inability to be out of communication with the other party; inability to make independent decisions; inability to make appointments independently; inability to fend for oneself; compulsive need to share everything (information, clothing, food, experiences...); extreme distress at the thought of ever losing the other person (fear of abandonment) ; belief that this person is one's soul mate How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that we were created as a complete soul |
| Compassion (attitude, emotion) Feeling deep concern; caring for another in their time of need, without any desire to control them or to change their circumstances in any way. Compassion allows others the dignity to work through difficult experiences in their own way, in their own time, offering assistance only when invited. Uninvited assistance can be a form of control |
| Condemnation (thought)
Declaring a punishment for someone who has been found guilty of something. Condemnation
indicates that judgment and criticism have already taken place. See
also revenge. Some
condemnation phrases: You're not as good as me, so you
deserve to suffer. You made a mistake, so you can never
again be trusted. What a stupid idiot! Rolling one's eyes
can indicate that condemnation has just taken place Physical effects of the pattern: Long-term condemnation can result in any form of arthritis, multiple sclerosis and other neuro-musculo-skeletal disorders How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn where the belief in one's superiority began and see that the belief is inaccurate and incorrect |
| Contempt (attitude)
Tendency to consider everyone (sometimes including self)
unworthy of respect, patience, tolerance or compassion. This attitude can prevent us
from ever finding peace or contentment in our lives.
Shows that judgment and criticism have taken place Physical effects of the pattern: Often occurs along with arrogance and condemnation, so can have similar physical effects How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn where the belief in one's superiority began and see that the belief is inaccurate and incorrect |
| Control (thought,
attitude) Exercising one’s will over another, no
matter how pure or impure the intention or the
motivation. Forcing our help upon another when it has not
been invited is control. It is control to insinuate that
someone needs to do something we want them to do without
asking them outright. Asking God for favours for someone
else is control - after all – they might not want or
need what we think they want or need, even including
healing (some people want to be sick - for them,
their illness meets some need). In a disagreement with a
loved one, bringing up the past can be a means of gaining
control of the situation (see memory). Adoptive
parents can, perhaps unintentionally, use guilt trips as a means of gaining or
maintaining control over their charges (no matter their
age). For example, "If it weren't for us, you'd be
an orphan." It is control to assume that we know
what another person is thinking. It is also control to
pretend that we know everything. Practical jokes are a
form of control. (It's just not funny to ridicule someone
for not knowing what we know.) It's control to try to
steal someone's attention, no matter the motive.
(Obsessive/compulsive behaviours are often done to get
control of someone's attention.) Before telling someone
else what to do, think of how it feels when someone tells
you what to do. Control phrases: Let me do it.
You should... Call me when you get home so I don't have
to worry. We are allowing ourselves to be
controlled when we do what another person has told us to
do (see blame and victim) Physical effects of the pattern: Nerve damage, high cholesterol How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of one's desire/need to be in charge |
| Criticism (thought,
attitude) Giving an unkind comment, whether spoken aloud
or not, whether invited or not. The Universal
Intelligence hears our every thought! Criticism can be an
offshoot of low self-esteem and/or the pattern of perfectionism. Typical
critical behaviours: always looking to catch someone in
an error, always trying to change what someone else has
done rather than creating something new, always wanting
others to do things the same way as we might Physical effects of the pattern: Skin disorders, joint problems and immune system deterioration How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of one's need to make others feel inferior |
| Dawdling (behaviour) Form
of passive/aggressive manipulation You
ask someone to do something and then wait as they find a
multitude of other things that ‘have’ to be
done first. You know they don’t really need to be
done and you know that the person is trying to anger you.
Or they pretend not to have understood your request and
ask all sorts of questions designed to delay doing what
you've asked. And then, the instant your patience
dissolves, there they are ready to do what you've asked
and looking all innocent! Of course the pattern can be
changed, but both parties will need to communicate
honestly. See also avoidance, victim Physical effects of the pattern: Low blood pressure, hormone imbalances How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of one's need to make others angry |
| Denial (thought) Being
unable or unwilling to face the Truth about oneself,
one's prior actions or one’s painful experiences,
thoughts, attitudes or emotions. Denial and avoidance go hand-in-hand, for they both
create an inability to search for full understanding and Universal
Truth. Denial can prevent
acceptance of responsibility for oneself, thereby
creating the need to blame misfortune on
someone or something else. See also victim. e.g.: You're wrong. No. I would
never do such a thing Physical effects of the pattern: Addictions, back problems, confusion and memory lapses (ultimately dementia or even Alzheimer's), vision and/or hearing problems, chronic constipation How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of one's need to make others feel that our motives are beyond reproach |
| Distress (emotion) Severe
discomfort, be it physical, emotional or spiritual,
coupled with a feeling that something needs to be done,
but not knowing what it is or how to do it. This can be a
constant feeling that something awful is going to happen.
Long-term distress can become anxiety. e.g.: I just
know something dreadful is going to happen Physical effects of the pattern: Can manifest as digestive, skin or sleep disorders, nervous behaviour and inability to concentrate. How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of one's fears |
| Distrust (attitude,
emotion) Lack of faith or confidence, in self, in others,
in God. There is a fine balance to be struck between
trust and distrust of other people. Too much trust in the
goodwill of others can lead to disappointment and
disillusionment. Sometimes we can even place ourselves in
potentially harmful situations when we rely on the
goodness of others. Chronic distrust can isolate us and
prevent us from learning to work together toward a common
goal and can lead to feelings of persecution. Distrust
can come from a blanket condemnation of humanity.
e.g.: "I just know I'll be the one to get hurt,"
"Everyone is out for number one," or, as with
paranoia, "Everyone is out to get me." See also
trust, victim Physical effects of the pattern: Can result in unsatisfying relationships, severe allergies, prejudice and/or hatred How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of one's need to live in fear and isolation |
| Double standard (attitude) Those
in authority (parents, teachers, religious leaders,
government officials) very often expect everyone else to
abide by a strict moral code (that they claim to follow),
but fail miserably to meet it themselves. How can others
learn how to meet it, and why would they even bother to
try, if those in authority don't bother? Often the
reverse is true - people expect those in authority to set
an example but fail to do so themselves. See also self-righteousness Physical effects of the pattern: Can result in unsatisfying relationships, severe allergies, prejudice and/or hatred How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that we are each responsible only for ourselves |
| Dread (thought,
emotion) Fear or belief that life experiences will be
negative Physical effects of the pattern: Can result in agoraphobia, chronic lateness, dizziness, knee or leg problems, nausea, post-nasal drip or chronic procrastination How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that each of life's experiences is a learning opportunity rather than something to be feared |
| Ego (thought,
attitude) Feeling that it's "always about me".
Feeling that, “If I don’t do it, it won’t
get done, or it won’t get done correctly”. Can
be excessive thoughts of pride or self-congratulation.
Can become self-importance or even perfectionism. Can be
excessive statement making coupled with a shortage of
question asking. e.g.: I'm so good. Everybody needs me -
I'm indispensable. I know what's best. Or: I'm so bad.
Nobody wants me or cares about me. I'm useless and I'll
never amount to anything Physical effects of the pattern: Lack of meaningful relationships, bi-polar disorder, How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn balance |
| Embarrassment (emotion)
Uncomfortable feeling that someone has caught you doing
something wrong. e.g.: I hurt someone and they'll never
forgive me, so I can never forgive myself. I made a
mistake and you caught me. See also shame Physical effects of the pattern: Skin problems like acne, rosacia, rash How to change the pattern: Do forgiveness exercise |
| Envy (emotion)
Feeling of unhappiness or discontent that comes because
of something someone else has that you have not, and that
you think you would like to have, be it friends, material
possessions or personal attributes. Can easily become resentment. Envy can be felt when someone
"steals the limelight", and envy can make us
want to steal the limelight from others. e.g.: I wish I
had your... Physical effects of the pattern: Liver diseases, pancreatic cancer, digestive disorders How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn how to love oneself unconditionally |
| Faith (attitude) A deep sense of knowing that we are, each of us, loved and accompanied by God through life. A lack of faith can create feelings of fear and dread |
| Fear (emotion)
Intense feeling that something bad is going to happen.
Can become anxiety or dread. If we allow our fears to
immobilize us, we will not be able to walk our life's
path with faith, trust and joy. Fear is often
used as an excuse for not looking at our inner conflicts,
for example, "I'm afraid that if I start crying,
I'll never stop." Fear of God's wrath is pervasive
in society and we often go to extremes to avoid it by
constantly performing rituals or avoiding doing certain
things. See also obsessive/compulsive
behaviours, gratitude, prayer. e.g.: Gasp! I could never...
Gasp! What if God... Physical effects of the pattern: Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, chronic lower back pain and/or sciatica How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear brings about that which is feared Fear of abandonment (emotion) Feeling that one will be, or has been, left alone and unsupported as a punishment for causing someone’s displeasure. This fear can create a need to be dishonest about what we think and feel, and can make it very difficult to form lasting relationships with others, ourselves or God. Making ourselves indispensable to someone can show a fear of abandonment: You need me, so you can't leave me or fire me. e.g.: If you leave me, I'll die. Spiritual results can be always threatening abandonment at the first sign of trouble: I quit, I give up, Do it yourself, etc. Fear of change (emotion) Feeling that if everything doesn't stay just exactly as is, one will be at risk. This fear can create a need to avoid working on self. The fear says, "If I change my behaviour, everyone will stop liking me" - or "I'll get fired" - or "My spouse will leave (abandon) me" - or "My children will fail to prosper" - "and it'll be my own fault." It is important to remember that we don't make anyone do anything - they choose their actions, just as we choose ours. We are more likely to allow change if we have chosen it for ourselves, because then we remain in control. Fear of commitment (emotion) Feeling that if I live up to a commitment, you'll think I'm weak. This fear can cause one to seem arrogant. Very often, people with this fear will agree to a commitment and then promptly fail to show up, yet they can show up so long as no one is expecting them or relying on them. See distrust and passive/aggressive Fear of confrontation (emotion) This fear prevents us from speaking out when we feel we have been treated unjustly. It stems from a fear of abandonment, and also from a fear of losing someone's approval. There is often a fear that the other person will explode (or implode) in anger and the consequences will be unbearable. The threat of an angry outburst is often used as a form of control, and the fear of an angry outburst is often used as an excuse for not standing up for ourselves or for those who are in our care Fear of contamination and/or disease (thought, emotion) Terror at the thought of coming into contact with things that might create some disease; for example, germs, insects, animals, other people, sunshine, microwave ovens, cell phones - the list is seemingly endless. Belief that we are victims of the environment. Belief that self is "bad" and will be punished with disease. Disease is not a punishment - it is a natural consequence of negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Living with this fear can create obsessive worrying and anxiety that prevent one from finding joy in life. It can even become a disease, as with allergies. Albeit unwittingly, young children can develop allergies to mimic a caregiver’s fear(s), or to reflect spiritual imbalances within the family. See also blame Fear of death and dying (emotion) Without faith that we will return to God when we die, we can live with suppressed dread. A belief in "Hell" can create a deep terror of the afterlife. Coupled with our fear of the pain and discomfort that can often be present when one is very ill or close to death, we can live in a state of avoidance of life, rather than acceptance of all that life has to offer. Believing that someone who harmed you will be sent to Hell is a form of control (see also revenge), because in effect, it requires God to condemn someone Fear of failure or of success (emotion) Can create immobility and keep us stuck. When one lives with such a fear, it is often judged by humans as being laziness or a lack of ambition. However, your guide knows the Universal Truth and can show you where this pattern originated, and how to change it. The fear of failure can create workaholic - ism. The fear of success can create an inability to see any project through to completion. Do you believe that if you fulfill your life's purpose, God will remove you from Planet Earth? Such a belief could prevent you from accomplishing anything much in this lifetime Fear of intimacy (emotion) This can be a fear of having a sexual relationship with another, but it can also be a fear of verbally expressing oneself fully. Can come from feelings of shame or embarrassment over one's physical appearance or one's innermost thoughts, which can stem from a fear of abandonment. Can manifest in physical as mouth, teeth and gum problems Fear of invasion (emotion) Extreme concern about someone with harmful motives entering one's space without permission. In its extreme, can be the belief that everyone has the intention to find you, find out everything about you and then use the information to harm you. Can be the belief that everyone is greedy and malicious. Can also be the fear that one's body will be invaded by injury, illness and disease. Can also be the fear that UFO's are real and are malicious. See also self-importance. Can manifest in physical as back and/or knee problems Fear of negative energies (thought, attitude, emotion) Extreme concern that if one fails to live up to religious expectations, one risks being harmed by energies over which one has no control, for example, the devil or his minions. Can manifest in physical as severe allergies, accient proneness, constant negative life experiences that make one feel like a victim Fear of retribution (thought, emotion) Chronic concern that one's thoughts or actions will bring harm to one and all. Can begin in childhood when one feels invisible and sees a consistent lack of fair and equitable treatment, e.g., one parent (or sibling) unfairly receives more perks and benefits or attention than another. Can be the belief that God punishes or rewards us in the here and now. Can be the belief that self is not worthy of "the good things in life". Can become a chronic concern that if one doesn't do everything just right (see perfectionism), or if one has a moment of happiness, something terrible will happen to self or a loved one. See also obsessive/compulsive behaviours Fear of telling the truth (thought) Terror at the thought of exposing one’s true self. Often occurs when one’s early caregivers withheld their approval (see also chronic lying) Fear of the unknown (emotion) Without faith that we are children of God, our path can be filled with constant doubt, even distrust, sometimes panic, of anything we have not yet experienced. If we live with fear, we may be presented with many unpleasant experiences |
| Finally (attitude) This is a word of blame (condemnation), whether directed toward self, another human, events or God. e.g.: You're finally doing what I told you to do |
| Forbearance (attitude) The ability to remain true to one's commitments no matter what others are saying or doing |
| Forgiveness (thought, attitude) This is a gift we give ourselves so that we can leave the past in the past. Like resentment, forgiveness is a behavioural pattern. Forgiveness means not resenting those who have angered us or failed us in some way. We can do this by communicating (whether in person or even just on paper), our feelings of anger or disappointment to the concerned individual(s). This can validate our emotions, thereby enabling us to release the person and the experience. It is often easier to forgive when we understand fully why something has happened, or why someone has done something, but it is not necessarily required. Forgiving others does not mean allowing abusive or negative behaviour. It is not a bargaining chip. Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that we can trust that individual to change his or her behaviour. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves to allow ourselves to grow spiritually and emotionally and to allow our wounds to heal - spiritually, emotionally and physically. Just as important as forgiving others is the need to forgive ourselves (see guilt). The Universal Intelligence forgives each and every one of us instantaneously, for since there is no such thing as sin, there can be nothing to forgive. The Universal Intelligence sees all human experience as "education". Do forgiveness exercise |
| Free Will Spiritual law
that gives us the ability to choose, but that also
ensures that we will experience the outcomes of our
choices We can choose our beliefs and we can choose our attitude toward life. Click here for more information |
| Gossip (thought,
attitude) Sharing your judgment, criticism and
condemnation of someone who has offended you in order to
negatively affect other people's opinions of that
individual. This is a form of control because the
intention is to make someone else think and feel the same
as you. We participate in gossip when we watch, listen to
or even read negative stories about others. See also judgment, criticism, condemnation, perfectionism, self-righteousness Physical effects of the pattern: Teeth and mouth problems, chronic upper-respiratory issues, lots of choking How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the reasons for one's low self-esteem |
| Grace (attitude) Tendency to be generous, helpful and forgiving toward self and others (does not mean allowing abusive behaviour). The Universal Intelligence holds humanity in a state of grace, that is, unconditional love. Communication is never withheld as a punishment for wrongdoing |
| Gratitude (attitude) Accepting that each experience in life is given as a learning opportunity, and never as a reward or punishment from God. If too much emphasis is placed on always thanking God for every little thing, it begins to sound as if we're trying to prove to something. The Universal Intelligence knows how we feel before we even think it, so God doesn't mind if we miss an opportunity to say thank you. Saying grace before a meal is a fine practice, but if it's used as a protection against the wrath of God, then gratitude is not the real motive. Fear is the real motive and God knows it. See prayer |
| Greed (attitude) A
need to have more than one can possibly use. Unwilling to
share your belongings but expecting that others should
share theirs. Greed prevents us from releasing a gift
once it has been given. Have you ever received a gift,
and then the giver of the gift tried to tell you how to
use that gift? Have you ever received a gift along with a
guilt trip? For example, "Here's your gift, and this
is what I had to sacrifice in order to get it for
you." A gift presented with greed is not a gift - it
is an exchange with which the recipient of the
"gift" has not knowingly agreed. Have you ever
received a partial gift; for example, an incomplete set?
Greed prevents the giver from releasing the whole set.
Greed is also a need to have something in order to
prevent someone else from having it: "I don't want
it, but you can't have it." Greed is a need to
selfishly protect one’s possessions, be they
material items, relationships or even simply knowledge.
The pattern of greed often creates in us a need for
others to be generous with their possessions, and it is
easy to judge, criticize and condemn them when they fail - it is easy
to see their greed. It is somewhat more
difficult to recognize it in self. Greed is also present
when a person seemingly demands our approval of them, yet
selfishly withholds their approval of us. Examples.: I
promised to give you (whatever), and I know you really
want it, so I'm not going to give it to you until I feel
like it (maybe I'll even just keep on "forgetting" my
promise!). I'll just hang onto this in case I ever need
it. I'll keep the best part of this set, but you can have
the rest. I don't want it, but you can't have it. I
need... With pet hoarding, the thought
might be, "Nobody else will care for this poor
homeless animal but me." In this case, it is as if
the human is expressing an unresolved inner child issue -
that of having received too little or too much attention
from his/her caregiver(s), of having been abandoned
his/her caregiver(s), or of having been forced into
accepting too much responsibility at an early age Physical effects of the pattern: Eating disorders, bulging eyes, a cluttered lifestyle (pack rat) and, in an extreme form, hoarding How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the reasons for feeling ignored or neglected |
| Grief (emotion) Deep
sadness over a loss. In the loss of a loved one, along
with the sadness are often unrecognized thoughts and
feelings of great fear and anger, which can come for many
reasons. Sometimes we are angry over the loss of the
dreams that we held for the individual, as with young
children. Other times we are angry with God because it
appears as though he has punished both the innocent child
and us by taking him or her away from us. The loss of a
life partner can create anger and resentment toward both God and the loved
one, because change has been forced into our lives
(feelings of fear and dread are often present when change is
forced upon us). (Unresolved inner child issues can still
be released even when one's caregiver has passed away,
but extra work is required) Physical effects of the pattern: Osteoporosis, diabetes How to change the pattern: Do forgiveness exercise |
| Guide/Angel/Teacher Divine representative who accompanies us throughout our life's voyages. Often referred to as our inner voice. The guides are subject to different spiritual laws than us, and do not come into human form. They are not dead spirits. Your guide is not your long-passed grandparent or parent or sibling or child or pet, although often when we sense our guide’s presence there is a feeling of unconditional love. The guides are entities who have been chosen by God to serve and to assist humanity. They are in constant, direct communion with God |
| Guilt (attitude,
emotion) Feeling responsible for not meeting
expectations, no matter whose they are - or - Excessive
feelings of remorse for deeds either done or not done.
Guilt is just as hurtful and damaging to us as any of the
other negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Guilt
can cause us much pain, and can cause
us to behave in ways that are potentially harmful to
many. Guilt, condemnation and remorse are
interwoven, and all keep us stuck in the past. It is
important to remember always that we cannot change the
past. We can only learn from it and use it to create
change in the here and now. We can never be sure what the
future holds. We only live now, and only now can be
affected by our behaviour. People often “lay guilt trips” on others to manipulate and to get their own way, that is, to control others. (e.g.: It's all your fault. If you don't do what I ask, you're bad. Remember how you hurt me in the past?) Sometimes parents take on responsibility for their children's actions. This can help no one: the parent suffers multiple injuries and the child fails to learn responsibility. Since guilt requires punishment, those who feel guilt over some past experience often meet negative experiences in the present. This is not because God wants to punish us, but because we "expect" some form of punishment. And, since the Universal Intelligence is responsive, our expectation creates the negative experience Physical effects of the pattern: Eating disorders How to change the pattern: Do forgiveness exercise Survivor's Guilt (attitude, emotion) This is a crippling condition that can create much pain, discomfort and negativity, and can become an addiction. Losing loved ones through death caused by accident, illness, childbirth, suicide or euthanasia, murder/acts of terrorism or genocide can create survivor's guilt. Remaining healthy when a loved one becomes unwell can also create it, as can growing up as the "normal" child in a family with a "special needs" child. (Also, some Christians believe that since Christ died on the cross for them, they must prove their appreciation by inflicting pain upon themselves.) Survivor's guilt says: "I cannot and will not ever succeed. Nothing of lasting benefit can or will come from me. There cannot/will not be any joy in my life. If something good does happen, I cannot/will not celebrate. I cannot/will not contribute to a society that allowed (whatever) to happen." Why? To find enjoyment in life could be seen as a betrayal of the loved one, or of the family. It could be seen as a failure to punish oneself sufficiently. It is important to remember that God does not ever judge, criticize or condemn us. It is also important to remember that the loved one's experiences were a part of their path. We cannot walk their path for them. We must allow them the dignity of ownership. We must not use their experiences as an excuse for failing to live well, or for holding onto resentment or for seeking vengeance, or for punishing ourselves Physical effects of the pattern: Heart/lung disorders, depression How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence is in charge of matters of life and death - not us. Then meditate to learn one's true life purpose |
| Honesty (attitude) Ability to confront Universal Truth - about self, about our experiences, about others. Without Universal Truth, we are left searching futilely for a way to explain why we have had certain experiences or why we have certain behaviours |
| Humility (attitude) Knowing that we are all children of God in human form, in differing stages of development. We are all capable of ANYTHING, given the proper circumstances. All are equal in the eyes of God. Humans are not in charge |
| Hypocrite (attitude) One who hates it when others behave as poorly as themselves. See also double standard |
| Ignorance (thought,
attitude) Belief that one already knows and therefore
requires no further understanding. Ignorance is a
condition and a choice that can be spiritually crippling.
If one believes that there is only one place to learn
about God, one closes the door on one’s potential
spiritual growth. If one believes that God no longer
communicates with his human children, one is left relying
on someone else’s version of Truth Physical effects of the pattern: Prejudice, hatred, intolerance How to change the pattern: Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn one is to condemn all |
| Insolence (thought,
attitude) Belief that one knows what is best while one's
authority figure(s) are fools who haven't a clue.
Insolence can come from a multitude of beliefs, for
example, "I'm smarter/better than everyone
else", "Everyone is supposed to do whatever I
want", "I can do whatever I want", I don't
have to do what anyone else says." Can stem from too
little or too much attention from one's caregivers when
growing up, or from one's caregivers being unable or
unwilling to say, "No" to the child. The
insolent person often suffers from a lack of real
self-worth, which contributes greatly to their need to be
in control of everything at
all times, and often using the threat of a temper tantrum
to control others Physical effects of the pattern: Lack of respect of self and others How to change the pattern: Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn one is to condemn all |
| Jealousy (emotion) Deep
fear of losing someone’s affection, approval or
attention. Deep need to possess what someone else has.
Jealousy can come from feelings of inadequacy, and from a
fear of
abandonment. Stems from too little (or too much!)
attention in childhood from one's caregivers. e.g.:
You're my friend/spouse and so you should never
have any other interests in life Physical effects of the pattern: Liver diseases, pancreatic cancer, digestive disorders How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn how to love oneself unconditionally |
| Joy (emotion) Feelings of delight and great pleasure that arise from within us, often when we have given unselfish service to another. Joy can also come when we are doing something we care about deeply. It is often hoped that an act of revenge will bring joy, but any act that harms another cannot bring true joy |
| Judgment (thought,
attitude) Forming a negative opinion, sometimes after
consideration or deliberation, sometimes instantly. We
need to make some judgments all the time, but the habit
could be improved significantly were we to stop judging
our fellow humans. It's judgment to decide that someone
is too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too beautiful,
too ugly - get the picture? - to deserve our respect. The
point is that this is a negative behaviour that harms us
all. Chronic judgment of others can lead to serious
illnesses. Prejudice is accepting someone else’s
judgment of something, without forming your own opinion
based on your own experiences. See also gossip Physical effects of the pattern: All forms of arthritis How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc. |
| Manipulation (thought,
attitude) Using negative behaviours to make someone do
what we want instead of just asking (often because we're
afraid that they might say no). There are many ways to do
this: Using baby talk or whining,
lying, asking in front of other people, procrastinating,
threatening, withholding communication, etc. See also control Physical effects of the pattern: Bladder and urinary tract problems, kidney disease How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of one's fear of expressing that which one desires |
| Martyrdom (attitude)
Letting others know how much you have suffered and
sacrificed in order to help them, with the intention of
making them feel indebted to you. Martyrs often speak in an
artificially happy tone of voice Physical effects of the pattern: Back or shoulder pain How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc. |
| Meditation (thought) Meditation is communication - two-way communication - between us and the Universal Intelligence. It is the act of asking questions and paying attention to hear the answers. Learn how. See also prayer |
| Mercy (thought, attitude) Tendency to be kind, forgiving and sympathetic to those in difficult circumstances (including self). Being merciful does not necessarily mean rescuing someone by doing their work for them, because that can do more harm than good. It means being a non-judgmental shoulder to cry on. It means giving information when invited to do so |
| Misanthropic (attitude)
Believing the very worst about humanity (or self) and
doing nothing about it because it would be pointless
anyway. See also distrust Physical effects of the pattern: Extremely unlikely to have close, satisfying relationships How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence exists and communicates with us |
| Obedience (attitude) Asking God for guidance, waiting around long enough to hear it and then following it. Obedience does not mean doing what another human tells you to do, or doing what they say God says you must do - it means following the instructions given to you by your own guide when you have asked for assistance from the Universal Intelligence |
| Obsessive/Compulsive
Behaviours Inability to cope with life
without doing certain routines when certain things have
happened; the seemingly uncontrollable urge to repeat a
behaviour, whether or not it is acted out. The behaviour
is usually done in response to repression or suppression of strong
emotions. It is a way to have some measure of control when one feels
like a victim. This is one
form of addiction that is every
bit as difficult to treat as a chemical dependency.
However, when one is dedicated to healing self,
tremendous change is possible. Before repeating any
behaviour, it is important to remember that we have the
ability to choose. See perfectionism and OCD. Physical effects of the pattern: alcohol/drug use, checking, counting, dawdling/chronic lateness, chronic lying, eating disorders, exercise, gambling (usually triggered when one feels "bad" and needs assurance that "God still loves me") , hair removal, hair twirling, hand-washing, looking in the mirror, perfectionism, picking at skin flaws, repeating phrases or movements, self-mutilation, sexual encounters, shopping, whining and so on. All of the behaviours can be crippling. They can repel people (sometimes that's the whole idea!) and they can anger people (a side benefit). They often end up creating the exact situation that one is trying to avoid How to change the pattern: Meditate to identify and resolve the root cause(s) |
| Patience (attitude) Ability to wait without having any negative thoughts, attitudes or emotions. In these days of road rage, air rage and even rage rage, patience can seem like the holy grail. Nobody's perfect! We're all capable of lapses of judgment and lapses of wisdom. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to make a mistake with the comfort of knowing that we'd be treated with patience, tolerance and forgiveness? Wouldn't it be nice to be the one to set a good example? |
| Peace (emotion) State of calm, acceptance, forgiveness. Many believe that someone (a higher intelligence - either Jesus or extraterrestrials) will come to Planet Earth to save humanity from the brink of destruction. How exactly do they think this will come about? Unless that someone simply bestows Peace upon us, something will be required of us to bring it about. What if that higher intelligence said that in order to save ourselves, we would have to forgive all those who had ever harmed us in any way, intentionally or otherwise? How might we feel? What if that higher intelligence said that there can be no peace on the planet so long as even one of us holds onto hatred, intolerance, prejudice and resentment? See also war |
| Perfectionism (attitude)
Inability or unwillingness to accept any person or thing
that does not meet excessively rigid standards. When we
place these standards upon another person, we are controlling them, and judging, criticizing and condemning them. It is control when we in
effect say, “You must do this my way, the right way,
the only way.” It is judgment and criticism when we
decide that they are doing it wrong, and condemnation
when we decide to punish them in some way for their
inability or unwillingness to do what we want, the way we
want it done. When we place these standards upon
ourselves, we do it to gain either our own or someone
else's approval (whether or not they are present). The
pattern of perfectionism can begin early in childhood and
is often learned from one's caregivers. It can develop
when a child receives constant negative attention for
doing anything that does not meet the standards held for
that child by the caregivers, or when the child feels
invisible in the family. Perfectionism can become an obsessive/compulsive
behaviour. e.g.: If I don't do it, it won't get
done right. It has to be done this way. Always looking to
catch someone in an error Physical effects of the pattern: All forms of arthritis, acne, liver diseases. How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc. |
| Persecution Complex (attitude,
emotion) Feeling that everyone is out to get you, or is judging you or is thinking about you
(see narcissistic, self-importance, victim). This fear can stem either
too little or too much favourable attention in early
childhood. e.g.: Did you see the way they were looking at
me? Physical effects of the pattern: Difficulty in maintaining close, satisfying relationships How to change the pattern: Do self-esteem exercise |
| Pessimism (attitude)
Outlook on life that says, "What's the point -
things will never work out the way I want
anyway". This attitude is the result of having judged, criticized and condemned self, others, and/or the
Universal Intelligence. Sometimes this attitude can begin
as an act of spite or revenge. See also passive/aggressive. e.g.: Things
will never turn out right. What else is new? I’ll
never amount to anything Physical effects of the pattern: Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, chronic lower back pain and/or sciatica, eye probems, insomnia and other sleep disorders How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result. Fear brings about that which is feared |
| Prayer (thought, attitude) - Act of talking to God (the Universal Intelligence). Many use prayer to ask God for favours (see control); for example, heal me...heal someone else...keep someone alive...let someone die...punish someone for me...let my team win the big game...let me win the lottery...). Saying the words, "Thy will be done, Father," can avoid much needless worry and distress. Many use prayer as a protection from "evil" or from the wrath of God. That is not prayer - it is ritual and superstition, which is nothing more than fear that has become habit. See also meditation and unconditional love |
| Procrastination (attitude)
Putting off that which one has agreed to do. This is a passive/aggressive act of control. See avoidance, laziness. Those who fail to live up to
their commitments often have a mate who nags, yet claim
innocence in playing any part in the pattern. The
procrastination/nagging game can go on for years, with
one person blaming the other for their own failure to
communicate Physical effects of the pattern: Hearing, seeing or memory problems, hypochondria How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn what we're trying to gain or create by avoiding doing that which needs to be done |
| Rejection (thought)
Dismissing someone or something because of inferiority or
imperfection. We can use rejection as a punishment when
we have judged, criticized and condemned someone or something. Rejection
of a person can be a form of abandonment. Rejection of an
idea can be a form of denial. When someone
has rejected us, we can feel ashamed of our words,
our actions or ourselves Physical effects of the pattern: All forms of arthritis How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc. |
| Repression (thought)
Inability or unwillingness to acknowledge that one has
had a negative experience. This is a learned behaviour
that can begin in very early childhood as a conscious
choice, but develops into a seemingly unconscious
behaviour. Repression of anger can lead to
unexpected explosive rages. Repression can also
contribute to the need for drugs, alcohol, tobacco,
excessive food intake or exercise and other negative
behaviours, all of which can be addiction forming. See also denial Physical effects of the pattern: Obsessive/compulsive behaviours How to change the pattern: Do grieving exercise |
| Resentment (thought,
attitude, emotion) Holding onto a deep-seated grudge
against someone who has hurt or offended us and can
create the habitual need for revenge. Words like,
“I hate you and I will never forgive you,” or,
“You'll pay for that,” show that resentment is
already forming. We can even get addicted to the high
that comes from allowing our hurt to excuse us from
behaving responsibly. Holding onto resentment can become
a habitual response to people or circumstances that do
not meet with our approval Physical effects of the pattern: All forms of arthritis, digestive disorders, heart/lung problems, high cholesterol, bladder and urinary tract problems How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc. |
| Respect (attitude) Willingness to treat one another (and ourselves) with patience and tolerance, mercy and forgiveness. It is disrespectful to use someone else's possessions and/or property without their permission. The words, "I didn't think you'd mind" are often used as an excuse for failing to ask permission. This failure to ask can stem from fear (that permission might not be granted) or the belief that self is "entitled" (see arrogance) |
| Revenge (thought,
attitude, emotion) Deep need to retaliate against someone
who has offended us by hurting someone/anyone as badly as
we have been hurt (e.g., gossiping, hazing {in the news}). Revenge can
also be a desire to teach someone a lesson they
won’t forget. In its more subtle form, we
might abandon the offender and/or withhold communication
from her or him. Such behaviour can easily spiral
downward into depression.It can become an obsessive
compulsion. Words like, “I was hurt so it’s
okay for me to hurt anyone who gets in my way,”
“What goes around comes around,” “Serves
you right,” or “God will get you for this"
or "God will hurt you for me,” are all
expressions of the desire for revenge. Let’s look at
this illogical hope that God will hurt someone for us:
Since we are all children of God, why would the Universal
Intelligence, the Creator of everything and everyone,
want to hurt any of us? God loves each of us
unconditionally so He cannot possibly judge, criticize or
condemn anyone. Ever. We can feel that hurting others is the only way to deal with our pain, but there is another way…forgiveness! However, before we can forgive it is necessary to stop allowing ourselves to react to negative situations with resentment. Sharing our feelings is a great start because very often, the offender hasn’t even a clue that their words/actions were hurtful. At the very least, communication can validate our experience, and it might even open the door to new understanding. World peace will be impossible until we as individuals stop resenting others and wanting revenge. So let’s not leave it up to the other guy, or the government, or other countries. Let us be the one to flex our forgiveness muscle Physical effects of the pattern: Heart/lung problems, high cholesterol, digestive problems How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that hatred leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc. |
| Sacrifice (attitude) Being willing to set aside our needs in order to be of service. Sacrifice is often used as an excuse for our inability to say "no" to someone. This is not true sacrifice. True sacrifice occurs when there is no thought for self. True sacrifice occurs when there is thought only for the one(s) in need. Sacrifice can also be giving up what one wants to do in favour of what God (through our guide) has asked, or not doing something one wants to do because God (through our guide) has asked that it not be done |
| Sarcasm (attitude) Words
(whether spoken aloud or not) that are intended to
ridicule or harm self or anothe under the guise of humour Physical effects of the pattern: Upper respiratory issues How to change the pattern: Do self-esteem exercise |
| Scorn (attitude)
Treating someone as though they are less than human and
unworthy of our respect. This attitude
is the result of having judged, criticized and condemned someone, and scorn is the
punishment. Giving someone a dirty look is an act of
scorn and can be an act of manipulation. See self-righteousness Physical effects of the pattern: A chronic scornful attitude can help to create arthritis, heart disease, eye diseases and nose problems How to change the pattern: Do tolerance exercise |
| Seeking of Truth and Understanding (thought, attitude) Being willing to confront the Universal Truth about ourselves, about our experiences and about our belief systems can lead us to full understanding, which enables us to release the past fully and with love. When we resent someone, we often feel fully justified in not seeking any understanding at all about the offending person's possible motives or intentions for their words or actions. All too often though, offenders are not even aware that they have caused injury. That's one of the reasons why forgiveness is so important: Couldn't our time be better spent than holding a grudge against someone whose behaviour may not even have been intended to harm us? |
| Self-aggrandizement (thought,
attitude) Using others to further oneself and one's own
interests, under the guise of it being for the other
guy's benefit. e.g.: Making someone think that what you
tell them to do is to help them, and not to help you in
any way. Selling a product under the false pretense that
the buyer will benefit because of it, or will come to
harm without it, when the only true reason for selling it
is to make a profit for self Physical effects of the pattern: Heart problems, digestive issues, foot problems How to change the pattern: Do self-esteem exercise |
| Self-importance (attitude)
Belief that oneself is more deserving of attention than
everybody else, and that everything that happens to self
should be of the utmost importance to everybody else Can
be the belief that one's belief systems are flawless. Can
be the belief that everything that happens, be it an
experience or even a conversation, is "about
me". Holding oneself in very high regard. Pride and
conceit are offshoots of ego and
self-importance. Self-importance and self-condemnation often go
hand-in-hand, because even though we might feel very
proud of some of our accomplishments, there can be a
feeling of shame in other areas,
or at least the recognition that certain areas of our
lives could stand some change. e.g.: What about me? Me,
me, me. Let's talk about me and my family, or friends, or
pets, or job, or hobbies, or experiences; anything, so
long as I don't have to listen to anything about you (see
babble). See also narcissistic Physical effects of the pattern: Flatulence, vertigo How to change the pattern: Do self-esteem exercise |
| Self-interest (attitude) Using
others to one's benefit, with regard only for self Physical effects of the pattern: Digestion disorders How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the reasons for feeling ignored or neglected |
| Self-righteousness (thought,
attitude) Belief that self is morally pure and beyond
reproach, usually used in comparison against someone who
has been judged as being less
than perfect. e.g.: I would never hurt anyone the way
you've hurt me. At least I'm not like him or her. God
will punish you, but he'll forgive me Physical effects of the pattern: High cholesterol, eye problems, sepsis How to change the pattern: Do self-esteem and tolerance exercises |
| Shame (emotion)
Feelings of embarrassment, guilt and remorse that come upon
seeing (or being told by someone) that self is not
perfect. Shame can lead to feelings of unworthiness,
self-doubt and low self-esteem. It often creates the need
to live in a state of secrecy about oneself and
one’s experiences. Deep shame is often associated
with a constant state of fear, even panic,
that one will be “found out”. It can also
create the need for addictive behaviours and
substances. Abused children often have a deep sense
of shame, for they can believe that they were responsible
for their negative experiences. e.g.: It's all my fault
and I should be punished. I'm bad and everyone can see it Physical effects of the pattern: Skin problems like acne, rosacia, rash How to change the pattern: Do self-esteem, grieving and forgiveness exercises |
| Should (thought,
attitude) This is a word of control that is used
when telling someone what you think they need to do. We
often think we know what's best for others but maybe,
just maybe, we don't. Before telling someone else what
they should do, consider how it feels when someone else
tells us what to do! Physical effects of the pattern: Nerve damage, high cholesterol How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of one's desire/need to be in charge |
| Soul mate The belief that
says that we are incomplete without another specific
person whom God created only for us Physical effects of the pattern: Co-dependent relationships, victim mentality How to change the pattern: Do self-esteem exercise |
| Spite (attitude)
Attitude that says, "Your treatment of me will
prevent me from ever enjoying life". Choosing to
live one's life in deprivation is an act of revenge that hurts no one but self.
Returning a cherished gift to its original owner can be
an act of spite; likewise suicide and/or abandonment Physical effects of the pattern: Heart/lung problems, high cholesterol, digestive problems How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that hatred leads to other poor spiritual diet choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, etc. |
Stress (attitude)
Self-imposed punishment (implies that judgment, criticism
and condemnation have already taken place). We place
stress on ourselves when we:
Physical
effects of the pattern: Post-traumatic
stress disorder can arise after observing or
experiencing terrifying events over which one has no
control. Somehow we feel that we should have been able to
prevent them, or at least been able to fix them or
prevent them from ever happening again. The events need
not have been life-threatening - they need only have been
frightening. If we feel we are responsible, we can take
on guilt. If we feel others are
responsible, we can take on a victim mentality and
become either extremely passive or extremely aggressive |
| Suppression Conscious choice
to keep one’s negative thoughts, attitudes and
emotions to oneself, thus preventing expression of them.
This can also begin as an act of spite. As with
repression, keeping everything bottled up inside can
create the need for mood-altering substances or habits.
It can also prevent the forming of deep, emotional bonds
with others Physical effects of the pattern: Obsessive/compulsive behaviours How to change the pattern: Do grieving exercise, meditate to find the root cause |
| Tolerance (attitude)
Ability to observe people or to have certain experiences
without their creating negative thoughts, attitudes and
emotions within us. Intolerance creates much of the
turmoil on this planet. How to change intolerance: Do tolerance exercise |
| Trust (in God) (thought, attitude) Knowing that we are loved, unconditionally, in every moment of our existence, and that all is well. Knowing that all that is required for our learning will be provided. Knowing that each and every experience is given by the Universal Intelligence to help us learn how to love unconditionally - both others and ourselves. For example, an abused child can often wonder why or how his/her caregivers could be verbally, emotionally or physically abusive. When the child becomes a parent and treats his or her own children the same way, it is hoped that the adult child will gain the understanding that he or she was looking for by experiencing, first-hand, the conditions that create abuse; thereby learning unconditional love for self and for his/her caregivers. Of course, not all abused children become abusive caregivers. Some manage to set aside their own "stuff" and use their negative experiences to improve themselves, rather than using their pain as an excuse to treat others as they were treated |
| Unconditional Love Acceptance without conditions (a lack of negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions). The Universal Intelligence loves us unconditionally. There is nothing we have to do, nothing we have to change, in order to be loved by God. When we feel Universal energy, we are feeling the unconditional love that exists for each and every one of us. Believing that God judges us is to believe that God's love is conditional, and that is an untruth and an impossibility, because judgment, criticism and condemnation are conditional. Unconditional love can be seen as "tough love", because it allows us to experience all things - both positive and negative. It allows there to be physical consequences for our spiritual choices. It allows us to feel pain; it allows us to cause pain. See free will |
| Victim (attitude)
Belief that that there is no protection from what's
"out there". Belief that everything negative in
one's life has been caused by anyone or anything but
self. This can be a crippling handicap. The pattern can
usually be traced to a traumatic childhood experience
that was never resolved. Can come from the repeated
failure of one's caregivers to protect the child from
coming to harm. Can also come from over-protective
parenting. See also blame. People stuck in
victim mode often have "pity parties"; that is,
they go on and on about how everyone has hurt them,
everyone is better off than them, nothing ever works out
for them, nobody likes them, etc. We become a victim as
soon as we believe that there is nothing we can do to
change our life experience, or to protect ourselves from
others' negative actions, thoughts, attitudes and
emotions. See also passive/aggressive; narcissism Physical effects of the pattern: HIV/AIDS, anemia, knee problems, rheumatoid arthritis, some forms of cancer, Crohn's Disease, athlete's foot, etc. How to change the pattern: Do all the spiritual exercises |
| War In order to fully understand why war exists, we must first be willing to acknowledge our own negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. Self-awareness brings the realization that we're all alike, we're all equal, we're all capable of anything, given the proper circumstances. To hold a grudge against someone for failing to live up to our standards is one of the first steps toward war. We often justify our failure to live up to our own standards by saying that the person or people we harmed deserved it because somehow they're less than human; for example, stealing from a corporation, making false insurance claims, using someone's property without their permission, etc. |
| Worry (attitude) Busy
thoughts; trying to figure out: how everything is going
to turn out; how to plan everything; what others are
thinking; how others will react to your action(s).
Excessive worrying can create anxiety and even panic
attacks. Worry is often used as a means of control over our loved ones, and
indicates that judgment, criticism and condemnation have already
taken place. For example, when we say we are worried
about someone, it is in effect saying that we think they
are incapable of doing the "right" thing. We
are saying that we think they will come to some harm if
they continue doing whatever it is they are doing. People
in co-dependent
relationships often "worry" about their
partner. They say that they are concerned that their
loved one will come to some harm, but the real worry is
about themselves. This is not unconditional love. This is
a negative attitude. This is control. Worry can manifest in physical
as hair loss, insomnia, nail biting or chronic pain. e.g.: What if... If I do this,
then he/she will do... If I do this, then he/she will
think... Physical effects of the pattern: Chronic bleeding nose, tinitus and other ear problems, digestive problems How to change the pattern: Do how to stop worrying exercise |
| © Copyright 'Making Change in Our Lives' by Sheila A. McBeath 1999-2012. All Rights Reserved | If you would like to print, reproduce or use any of the information within this site, please respect the Copyright by crediting this site (www.ourspiritualnutrition.com) within your material, and by not altering the content in any way. |
|
|