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This website presents the process by which to become self-aware.
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Section 6 - Spiritual glossary
NEW    Petulance   Status quo bias    Quantum entanglement
UPDATED   Tolerance
This section gives the spiritual meaning of many thoughts, attitudes and emotions along with some behaviours and a few commonly spoken words or phrases. If something seems frightening - or just plain wrong - ask the Universal Intelligence about it during meditation or contact the author. Full list

Thoughts
= Words, spoken or unspoken
Attitudes = Product of thoughts that cause us to believe certain things or behave in certain ways
Emotions = Feelings created by our thoughts and attitudes

Term Spiritual meaning
Abandonment (thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)
Overwhelming desire to run away from a difficult situation. Can be a habitual response to our trigger issues. Can take many forms:
  • Withholding communication as a punishment
  • Escaping a situation via the use of a chemical substance (food, drugs or alcohol)
  • Doing things to exclude others (listening to loud music, reading a book, playing/working on computer, using a cellphone, watching television or movies)
  • Abruptly hanging up the telephone on someone with whom we have just had a disagreement or abruptly turning one’s back or leaving the room during a conversation
  • Wishing that a disagreeable neighbour would just move away
  • Refusing to have further dealings of any sort with someone after they have done something that meets with our displeasure (can come from resentment or a need for revenge)
  • Having a death wish for anyone with whom emotional difficulties are encountered on a somewhat regular basis (spouse, child, employer, teacher, colleague, etc.)
  • Threatening (or committing) suicide. In the case of suicide (or any other negative behaviour), it is important to remember that we are responsible only for our behaviours, and we have the ability to choose. Suicide threats can be the ultimate temper tantrum
Sounds like: I quit. I give up. Do it yourself. I don't care.
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unable or unwilling to complete projects and/or to persevere through difficult times
Physical effects of the pattern: Addictions, obsessive/compulsive disorder, heel spurs, hip and knee problems, heart disease
How to change the pattern: Instead of running away, speak. Say what's on your mind. Even if you think the other person doesn't want to hear it or doesn't care what you think, say it, instead of abandoning the person or the situation
Reverse abandonment
Some people with a fear of abandonment react to it by seeming to have a very nasty disposition, which causes others to leave them - reverse abandonment. The fear prevents them from trusting enough to form meaningful relationships. Being unkind or uncaring keeps them in control of their relationships: "If I'm mean enough, or if they think I don’t care about them, nobody will want to have anything to do with me and then there'll be no danger of anyone leaving (abandoning) me, or at least I won’t be surprised when they do"
How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result - fear can bring about that which is feared. Find the root cause of the fear. If it results from having been abandoned as a young child, there needs to be a realization that children are not responsible for their caregivers’ behaviour
Anger (emotion) Strong feeling of displeasure or hostility. Anger cannot be dealt with and released if it is repressed or suppressed, and it can then become resentment. People can use the threat of an angry outburst to control and manipulate others. If we allow our fear of someone's angry outburst to prevent us from speaking Truth, we might be blaming her or him for our own behaviour. The fear of confrontation can prevent us from expressing our true feelings of displeasure, but we still feel them. The energy it takes to suppress them creates stress and tension in the body, which can then develop into illness or create injury-causing accidents.

Of course, the energy that anger provides can also be used to bring about positive changes; it can be channelled into finding creative solutions for problems that seem otherwise impossible to solve. Examples of angry words: Why can't you ever...? Why do you always...? When is it going to be my turn? or How could you do this to me?
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unable or unwilling to feel satisfied unless others are upset
Physical effects of the pattern: heartburn/indigestion, liver problems, depression, migraine headaches, skin disorders, heart disease and stroke, accidents, and, ultimately, general systems failure
How to change the pattern: Meditate to find the root cause for holding onto anger instead of expressing it. Develop the habit of asking questions instead of assuming we already understand
Anxiety (thought, emotion) Intense feelings of dread, uneasiness or apprehension that arise for no apparent reason. Can become so overwhelming that panic sets in. These feelings are a reflection of fearful thoughts within that have not been recognized or acknowledged. Simply stifling the feelings only provides short-term relief, and contributes to becoming addicted to constant turmoil, with unsolvable problems requiring everyone's attention. The trouble is, we don't want to solve the problems - we just want to continue telling everyone about them. It can seem as though we're using them as a way to avoid being held responsible (infuriating for those having to listen!)

Anxiety can be a family pattern and can worsen with successive generations; however, with all the help that is available nowadays, hopefully more and more people will resolve their anxieties and teach their children how to do so
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unable or unwilling to trust
Physical effects of the pattern: The physical results of long-term anxiety can be heart/lung and skin disorders, as well as nervous behaviours like shaky hands, nail-biting, repetitive scratching, inability to concentrate or focus on the matter at hand, moving with sudden, jerky movements
How to change the pattern: Spiritually: Meditate to identify the underlying fear and its spiritual root cause. Again in meditation, learn the reasons for choosing to react to life in this particular way. Physically: Learn to breathe
Arrogance (attitude) Attitude that places self above all others, and a tendency to announce this superiority to others. Can come from over self-confidence. Arrogant people behave as though rules and laws apply only to others. Arrogance is a lack of respect for others and their possessions or boundaries, and/or their needs and feelings.

Arrogance can be seen in bullies, who tend to be loud, aggressive and controlling. Arrogant people feel justified in whatever they are doing, yet make no attempt to understand or excuse anyone else's behaviour. They behave as if the world owes them a debt, or as if meeting their needs should be everybody's top priority. Arrogant people often miss or are late for appointments and scheduled events. See passive/aggressive behaviour
Sounds like: "It's ok if I break the law. It's ok if I cheat. It's ok if I hold onto anger and resentment and seek revenge
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Difficulty in building / maintaining meaningful relationships, fragile sense of self
Physical effects of the pattern: Addictions, gallbladder inflammation, knee problems, bi-polar disorder, babbling, hypothyroidism, obesity, walking with stiff arms
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn who we're really trying to hurt and why
At least (thought, attitude) Using these words to compare self to another shows that judgment, criticism and condemnation have taken place, e.g., "Well at least I'm not careless like that person". See self-righteousness
Avoidance (behaviour) Wanting to postpone, indefinitely, decisions that need to be made. Can seem similar to dawdling, but is different in that we’re putting off deciding whether or not to do something. With dawdling, we're doing whatever needs to be done but at a snail's pace. Avoidance can affect every part of our lives, and can annoy anyone with whom we have dealings.

Fear of failure or of success can cause this behaviour, along with a fear of being held responsible. It is infuriating if we are waiting for a decision, but those with this pattern feel imprisoned - they are stuck right where they are, unable to move in any direction. Children not taught how to choose wisely can grow up dreading making choices, and can find collaboration with others nearly impossible.

"Productive procrastination" has been coined for those who fool themselves into thinking that they are so busy being productive that they cannot possibly find the time to make seemingly momentous decisions. See blame, victim
Sounds like: I can't take the time to decide today because my spouse, children, pet, boss... need my help. I'll just do this one thing and then I'll have the time to think about it. I’m just too tired to think about it
Note: When working with the Universal Intelligence to resolve inner conflicts, the desire to avoid resolution will be honoured unless we state to our guide that even though there may be fear, our true desire is to deal with the past and look for full understanding and Universal Truth
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unable or unwilling to start or finish projects, risk of becoming a victim of nagging
Physical effects of the pattern: Hoarding, sensory problems or failure (hearing, seeing, memory, etc.). Sometimes we can want so badly to avoid doing something that we wish for illness so that we can escape our duties without blame. The long-term result of such a wish can be chronic ailments or even hypochondria. Avoidance can also create co-dependency between the one avoiding and the one nagging
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn what we're trying to create by avoiding making decisions. Visit WikiHow and read Practice making decisions
Blame (attitude, emotion) This pattern prevents us from looking for the Truth about our part in our experiences. Blame prevents us from looking for the Truth about our part in our own misfortune and contributes to the patterns of denial, guilt-tripping and feeling like a victim
Sounds like: You made me fail. You hurt me. It's all your fault. It's all their fault. I couldn't because...
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unable or unwilling to accept responsibility for less than positive results. See perfectionism
Physical effects of the pattern: Habitual blame can create Alzheimer’s anemia, arthritis, eye problems, heartburn and/or indigestion, high blood pressure, hypochondria, kidney disorders, post-nasal drip, poor posture, thyroid problems, tooth decay
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn whose approval we're trying to gain by pretending to be innocent of faults
Bullying (attitude) In children, can be the result of the child's frustration with living in a dysfunctional family unit where there is ongoing, yet unpredictable, physical and/or emotional abuse. In adults, can be the continuation of a childhood pattern that one feels fully justified in continuing (aggressive/passive behaviour)
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Chronic arrogance, anger
How to change the pattern: Do the grieving and self-esteem exercises in Section 9 of this website, plus visit WikiHow and learn how to stop bullying, how to stop being a bully, and how to be assertive, rather than aggressive
Child abuse (behaviour) Depriving a child of basic life necessities or withholding them as a punishment: love, approval, attention, affection, privacy, emotional support, physical food, sleep. Inflicting physical or emotional pain on a child, whether as punishment for a wrong-doing or as a means of teaching discipline, is seen as child abuse.

It is the caregiver's responsibility to find ways to teach the child without being abusive. Child abuse and neglect are seen as a failure of the caregivers to provide both physical nurturing and emotional support for those who have been placed in their care. Child abuse can occur when the caregiver treats a child in a negative way in order to win the approval of an authority figure (whether it is a person or a thing). Some victims of child abuse never recover and develop addictions or turn to crime, never finding peace
Physical effects of the pattern: If you were the victim of child abuse, effects can range from chronic pain (spiritual and/or physical) that can require constant medication to all sorts of physical illnesses
How to change the pattern: Meditate to see the truth that we are not responsible for how our caregivers raised us, then begin to see ourselves as children of God instead of as just our caregivers' children
Co-dependent relationship (behaviour) Almost any human relationship can become co-dependent. It stops being supportive when it starts preventing independent thought and action. Shows a lack of trust either for self or the other person in the relationship
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unable or unwilling to be self-sufficient
Physical effects of the pattern: Unable or unwilling to be out of communication with the other person; inability to independently make decisions, appointments or fend for self; compulsive need to share everything with the other (clothing, food, experiences, secrets); extreme distress at the thought of losing the other person (fear of abandonment; belief that the person is our soul mate without whom we cannot / will not survive
How to change the pattern: Learn about meditating in a new way, to find the root cause of the need to be in co-dependent relationship(s). Visit WikiHow to learn to recognize co-dependent relationships
Compassion (attitude, emotion) Feeling deep concern, caring for another in their time of need, without any desire to control them or change their circumstances in any way. Compassion allows others to work through experiences in their own way, in their own time, giving assistance only when invited. Uninvited assistance can be a form of control
Condemnation (thought) Declaring a punishment for someone we have found guilty of something. Indicates that judgment and criticism have taken place. See resentment, revenge
Sounds like:: You're not as good as me (judgment and criticism), so you deserve to suffer (condemnation); You’re so stupid (judgment and criticism), no wonder no one cares what you think (condemnation); You’re too fat/too thin / the wrong colour / the wrong religion / the wrong sexual orientation etc. (judgment and criticism) so you deserve to be treated poorly / ridiculed / punished (condemnation)
Looks like: Rolling our eyes can indicate that judgment and criticism have just taken place
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Difficulty giving - or allowing others to receive - recognition or praise
Physical effects of the pattern: Chronic condemnation can result in lots of choking, arthritis, multiple sclerosis and other neuro-musculo-skeletal disorders. It can also set up a fear of success that causes us to unconsciously underperform
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn why our self-esteem failed. Profound self-acceptance can be gained, based in the recognition that we are all just human, at varying stages of soul development, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes poorly
Confirmation bias (attitude) Tendency to seek and interpret information that confirms our existing beliefs and enables us to repeat harmful, negative behaviours. The pattern contributes to the development of chronic diseases and also inhibits spiritual growth
Contempt (attitude) Tendency to consider self or others unworthy of respect, patience, tolerance or compassion. Can prevent ever finding peace or contentment. Shows that judgment and criticism have taken place. Occurs along with arrogance, condemnation and scorn
Sounds like: You’re not even worth the time it would take to explain
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unable or unwilling to acknowledge efforts of others
Physical effects of the pattern:
Ear, eye, nose and/or throat issues, knee problems, neck issues
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn why our self-esteem failed. Profound self-acceptance can be gained, based in the recognition that we are all just human, at varying stages of soul development, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes doing poorly
Control (thought, attitude) Exercising one’s will over another, no matter how pure or impure the intention or the motivation. Examples of control:
  • Forcing our help upon another when it has not been invited
  • Asking God for favours for someone else - after all - they might not want or need what we think they want or need, even including healing (some people want to be sick - for them, their illness meets some need)
  • In disagreements, bringing up the past can be a way to gain control of the situation (see memory)
  • Adoptive parents can use guilt trips as a means of gaining or maintaining control over their charges (no matter their age). For example, "If it weren't for us, you'd be an orphan."
  • It is control to assume that we know what another person is thinking. It is also control to pretend that we know everything
  • Practical jokes are a form of control - it's just not funny to ridicule someone for not knowing what we know
  • Stealing someone's attention, no matter the motive
  • We allow ourselves to be controlled when we do what someone has told us to do even if we do not want to do it (see blame, victim)
Sounds like: Let me do it (perfectionism). Call me when you get home so I don't have to worry. You should...
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Not letting others have their way or do things their way can make them want to avoid doing things with us
Physical effects of the pattern: Nerve damage, high cholesterol, ALS, Parkinson’s Disease, multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome
How to change the pattern
: Meditate to learn the source of our need to be in charge. Before telling someone else what to do, think of how it feels when someone tells us what to do
Criticism (thought, attitude) Giving an unkind comment about self or another, whether spoken aloud or not, whether invited or not. Criticism can be an offshoot of low self-esteem and/or perfectionism. Examples: always looking to catch someone in a mistake, trying to change what someone else has done rather than creating something new
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Chronic unhappiness and unable or unwilling to give praise or positive feedback
Physical effects of the pattern: Skin disorders, joint problems and immune system deterioration
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of our need to make self or others feel inferior
Dawdling (behaviour) Act of revenge designed to annoy someone by delaying doing that which we have been asked to do. Form of passive/aggressive manipulation often done by those who feel they have no voice
Looks like: We ask someone to do something and then wait as they find a multitude of other things that they say must be done first (whether they’re related to the task or not); or they pretend not to have understood the request and ask all sorts of questions about it, or they start doing it - but as slowly as is humanly possible. And then, just as our patience dissolves, there they are looking all innocent and wondering why we’re angry. Infuriating! See avoidance, victim
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Chronic unhappiness that they want us to hurry
Physical effects of the pattern: Low blood pressure, hormone imbalances
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of the desire to anger others
Denial (thought, behaviour) Unable or unwilling to face the Truth about self, our prior actions, painful experiences, thoughts, attitudes, emotions, beliefs or desires. Denial and avoidance go hand-in-hand. Denial prevents us from accepting responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds and can create the need to blame any misfortune on anyone or anything else
Sounds like: No. You're wrong. I would never say/think/do that
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Seeming to be beyond reproach can create stubborn self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern: Addictions, back problems, co-dependent relationships, confusion and memory lapses (ultimately dementia or even Alzheimer's, vision / hearing problems, chronic constipation
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of our need to make others feel that our motives are beyond reproach, or that we have never had, or caused, a negative experience
Distress (emotion) Severe discomfort, be it physical, emotional or spiritual, coupled with a feeling that something needs to be done, but not knowing what it is or how to do it. Long-term distress can become anxiety
Sounds like: I just know something horrible is going to happen
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Inability to relax or feel comfortable
Physical effects of the pattern: Manifests as abdominal pain, digestive, skin or sleep disorders, nervous behaviours, headaches and/or inability to concentrate
How to change the patternMeditate to learn the source of our fears
Distrust (thought, attitude, emotion) Lack of faith or confidence, in self, in God, in others. There is a fine line between trust and distrust of others. Too much trust in others' goodwill can lead to disappointment and disillusionment. We can even place ourselves in harm's way if relying too much on the goodness of others.

Chronic distrust can isolate us, prevent us from learning to work together toward a common goal, and lead to feelings of persecution. Distrust can come from a blanket condemnation of humanity
Sounds like: "I just know I’ll be the one to get hurt.” "Everyone is out for number one." See trust, victim Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unsatisfying relationships, prejudice and/or hatred, legacy resentment, paranoia, the need to blame others for any misfortune, feelings of victimization, agoraphobia
Physical effects of the pattern: Can result in severe allergies, hoarding
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of the need to live in fear and isolation
Double standard (attitude) Form of condemnation that punishes one person or group and favours another, as a result of having judged them as being less worthy
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Arrogance, blame, self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern: Severe allergies, fibromyalgia
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn humility
Dread (thought, emotion) Fear that our life experiences will be negative
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Chronic pessimism
Physical effects of the pattern: phobias, lateness, procrastination, dizziness, knee or leg problems, nausea, post-nasal drip
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that life is a learning opportunity rather than something to be feared
Ego (thought, attitude) Feeling that it's always about Me. Excessive thoughts of pride or self-praise, can become self-importance or perfectionism
Sounds like: Excessive statement making or a lack of question asking. Can be thoughts like: I'm so good that everybody needs me; I'm indispensable because only I know what's best. Can also be the opposite attitude: I'm so bad that nobody wants me or cares about me; I'm useless and I'll never amount to anything
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Lack of meaningful relationships
Physical effects of the pattern: Bi-polar disorder, bloating
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the reason for believing that we are superior or inferior and gradually find that the belief is not correct. This can enable a profound level of self-acceptance based in the recognition that we are all just human, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes doing poorly
Embarrassment (thought, emotion) Uncomfortable feeling that we just got caught doing something wrong
Sounds like: I hurt someone and they won't ever forget it, so I can never forgive myself. I made a mistake and got caught, and others will think I'm stupid or bad. See shame and fear of looking stupid
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Creates a cycle of ever decreasing self-esteem
Physical effects of the pattern: acne, rosacea, rash
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the reason for believing it's not ok to err. Do the forgiveness exercise
Envy (thought, attitude, emotion) Feelings of unhappiness/discontent that come because someone has something you want, whether friends, possessions, personal attributes or even just good luck. Can easily become resentment. Stems from low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth
Sounds like: I wish I had your ...
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Chronic unhappiness and never feeling good enough
Physical effects of the pattern: Liver disease, breast or pancreatic cancer, digestive disorders, hoarding
How to change the pattern: Do the meditation and self-esteem exercises, visit WikiHow to learn how to deal with envy
Faith (attitude) Deep sense of knowing that each of us is loved unconditionally and accompanied by the Universal Intelligence through life. Lack of faith creates fear and dread
Fear (emotion) Intense feeling that something bad is going to happen. Can become anxiety or dread. Fear can be our ally by alerting us to potential danger, but all too often we allow it to prevent us from doing that which needs to be done, and from moving forward in life. If we allow our fears to immobilize us, we cannot walk our life's path with faith, trust and joy.

Fear is often used as an excuse for not looking at our inner pain, for example, "I'm afraid that if I start crying, I'll never stop." Fear of God's wrath is pervasive in society and we often go to extremes to avoid it by constantly performing rituals or by avoiding doing certain things
Sounds like: Gasp! I could never ... Gasp! What if ...
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Obsessive/compulsive disorder, chronic apprehension and/or avoidance of anything that cannot be controlled
Physical effects of the pattern: Lower back pain, sciatica, accident proneness, obsessive/compulsive behaviours
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that we create our reality
Fear of abandonment (emotion, belief) Belief that one will be left alone and unsupported as a punishment for causing someone’s displeasure. This fear can create a need to be dishonest about what we think and feel, and can make it very difficult to form lasting relationships with others, ourselves or God.

People with this fear will seem very nasty, or very sweet and meek. Seeming to be nasty keeps them in control of their relationships. "If I'm mean enough, nobody will want to have anything to do with me and then there'll be no danger of them leaving me" - or - "I'll make you leave me so that I'm not surprised when you do" (see reverse abandonment). Those who seem to be meek and mild often apologize for every little thing, whether responsible for it or not. They find it difficult to express their thoughts, their true opinions or strong emotions. They loathe confrontation of any sort, and try to be indispensable to others
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Co-dependent relationships
Physical effects of the pattern: Sciatica, lower back pain
How to change the pattern: Learn how to do whatever it is that we’re afraid of doing, or at least have enough faith to trust that no matter what happens, we’ll be ok - we’ll manage to deal with it
Fear of change (emotion) Feeling that if anything changes in any way, we will be in danger of losing what’s important to us. Can result from growing up in an extremely controlled or extremely chaotic environment. The challenge is to learn that change is an inevitable part of life, and then to develop positive coping skills. See Status quo bias. Visit WikiHow to learn how to deal with change
Fear of commitment (emotion) Intense feeling that entering into any sort of arrangement or agreement with someone is an act of weakness and a surrender of power and control. People with this fear will agree to a commitment with no intention at all of meeting it. The pattern contributes greatly to feelings of disappointment, guilt and/or shame. See distrust, passive/aggressive disorder
Fear of confrontation (emotion) This fear prevents us from speaking out if we feel we have been treated unjustly. It stems from a fear of abandonment, and a fear of losing someone's approval. Can be a fear that the other person will explode (or implode) in anger and the consequences will be unbearable. The fear of an angry outburst is often used as an excuse for not standing up for ourselves or for those who are in our care. This fear can make it painful to observe others arguing. See victim
How to change the pattern: Visit WikiHow and learn how to be assertive instead of meek or weak
Fear of contamination and/or disease (thought, emotion, belief) Belief that coming into contact with things will create some disease; for example, germs, insects, animals, other people, sunshine, cell phones, microwave ovens, etc. Belief that we are victims of the environment, or belief that we are "bad" and will be punished with disease. Living with this fear can create obsessive worry and anxiety that prevent us from finding joy in life. The fear can even become a disease itself, as with allergies. Albeit unwittingly, young children can develop allergies to mimic their caregiver’s fear(s), or to reflect spiritual imbalances within the family. See blame
Fear of death and dying (emotion) Without faith that we will return to Source when we die, we can live with suppressed dread. A belief in "Hell" can create a deep terror of the afterlife. Coupled with our fear of the pain and discomfort that can often be present when one is very ill or close to death, we can live in a state of avoidance of life, rather than acceptance of all that life has to offer. Believing that someone who harmed us will be sent to Hell is a form of control, because in effect, we're telling God to condemn someone. It is also a wish for revenge, which ultimately harms only the one wishing for it
Fear of failure or of success (emotion) Can create immobility, keeping us stuck. This fear can make it seem that we are lazy or have no ambition. However, our guide knows the Universal Truth and can show us where this pattern originated. Fear of failure can create workaholic-ism. The fear of success can create an inability to see any project through to completion. We may think that if we fulfill our life's purpose, God will remove us from Planet Earth, and this could prevent us from doing anything much in this lifetime. If we achieve success, the people (our caregivers) who did nothing to help us may take the credit
Fear of intimacy (emotion) Can be a fear of having an intimate or sexual relationship, but can also be a fear of expressing self fully. Can come from embarrassment or shame over our physical appearance or our innermost thoughts (fear of abandonment
Physical effects of the pattern: Mouth, teeth and gum problems, issues with reproductive organs
Fear of invasion (thought, emotion) Extreme concern about someone with ulterior motives entering our space without permission, or that everyone intends to steal our personal information and use it to harm us. Fear that everyone is greedy and malicious. Fear that one's body has been invaded by as-yet-undetected injury, illness and disease. Fear that UFO's are real and that they have malicious goals and/or intentions for us. Fear that our personal electronic equipment (computer, phone, etc.) is infected with as-yet-undetected malware
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unable or unwilling to fully relax or trust
Physical effects of the pattern: Mid-back and/or knee problems, hypochondria, self-importance, hypervigilance
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn how to attain and achieve a centred space of peace and calm. Do as the Russian proverb says, "Trust, but verify"
Fear of looking stupid (thought, attitude, emotion) Crippling belief that anything new presents a risk that others will see our ignorance as stupidity, or will think that we're so lazy, deprived or underprivileged that we have not yet encountered this new thing
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unable to get or stay centred if challenged to try something new. Distrusting our ability to learn or comprehend. Chronic shame
How to change the pattern: Acknowledge to self that no one person knows every single thing; we all have strengths and weaknesses, and challenges to overcome. There is no shame in not knowing. Trust the process and above all, trust self
Fear of negative energies (thought, attitude, emotion) Deep concern that failure to live up to religious expectations risks harm from energies over which we have no control, like the devil or his minions
Physical effects of the pattern: Insomnia, severe allergies, accident proneness, constant negative life experiences that make us feel like a victim
How to change the pattern: Practice meditation to attain a centred space of peace and calm, and then learn that the Universal Intelligence is unconditional love
Fear of retribution (thought, emotion) Chronic concern that our words or deeds will cause something terrible to happen, due to believing in a punishing God
Physical effects of the pattern: Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, unable or unwilling to act or make decisions
How to change the pattern: Practice meditation to attain a centred space of peace and calm. Then learn that the Universal Intelligence is unconditional love
Fear of telling the truth
(thought)
Terror at the thought of being harshly judged. Often occurs when our early caregivers withheld their approval. See chronic lying, fear of abandonment
Fear of the unknown (emotion) Without faith that we are children of God, our path can be filled with constant doubt, distrust or panic, of encountering anything we have not yet experienced
Finally (attitude) This is a word of blame and condemnation, whether directed toward self, another human, events or the Universal Intelligence
Forbearance (attitude) Ability to stay true to our commitments no matter what others are saying or doing
Forgiveness (thought, attitude) Forgiveness means not resenting those who have angered us or failed us in some way; but rather, seeking understanding before jumping to conclusions.

Knowing why something happened, or why someone has done or not done something can make it easier to forgive, but it is possible to forgive without that information. Allowing for the possibility that we do not yet understand can enable us to let go of injuries more easily.

It may not seem like much, but forgiveness is actually the critical first step to take to heal chronic diseases. So how does that work? Holding onto old hurts means that we have put them into a mental vault for safe-keeping. Every now and then we open the vault and review them, just to refresh our pain. We quickly lock our memories away again, for fear of losing them and placing ourselves at risk of being re-injured. Forgiveness takes our memories out of the vault as we seek to gain understanding about the traumatic events we have experienced. Afterward, the memories can move to a different location in the brain. In this new location, the memories can be recalled - and even shared - without re-inflicting emotional anguish.

Visit Section 9 of this website and do the forgiveness exercises then visit my blog to read more about forgiveness
Free Will Spiritual law that gives us the ability to choose and ensures that we experience the outcomes of our choices. We can choose our beliefs and we can choose our attitude toward life. Visit Section 7 of this website to read more about free will
Gossip (thought, attitude) Sharing our negative opinion of, or making up a lie about, a person or group who has offended us in order to negatively affect others' opinions of them. Fake news is a form of gossip. We participate in gossip when we watch, listen to or read negative stories about others. See control, judgment, criticism, condemnation, manipulation, perfectionism, self-righteousness, seeking of truth and understanding. Visit my blog and read About gossip and fake news
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Difficulty in building / maintaining friendships, chronic envy / jealousy
Physical effects of the pattern: Teeth and mouth problems, chronic upper-respiratory issues, lots of choking
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the reasons for our low self-esteem; then do the self-esteem exercises
Grace (attitude) Tendency to be generous, helpful and forgiving toward self and others (does not mean allowing abusive behaviour). Humanity is held in a state of grace (unconditional love)
Gratitude (attitude) Knowing that each experience in life is given as a learning opportunity. Placing too much emphasis on thanking God for every little thing can sound as if we're trying to prove something. The Universe knows how we feel before we even think it, so God doesn't mind if we miss an opportunity to say thank you - it doesn't mean we're ungrateful. Saying grace before a meal is a fine practice, but if it's used as a protection against the wrath of God, then gratitude is not the real motive - fear is the real motive. See prayer. Visit my blog to read more about gratitude
Greed (attitude) Deep need to selfishly keep or protect our possessions, be they material items, relationships or even simply knowledge. Also, a desire to have more than one can possibly use. Forms of greed:
  • Unwilling to share our belongings yet expecting others to share theirs. We judge, criticize and condemn others when they fail to do so - it is easy to see their greed yet difficult to recognize within self
  • Demanding approval from others yet selfishly withholding our approval of them
  • I promised to give you (whatever), and I know you really want it, so I'm not going to give it to you until I feel like it (maybe I'll even just keep on forgetting my promise)
  • I'll just hang onto this in case I ever need it
  • I'll keep the best part of this set, but you can have the rest
  • I need...
  • Pet hoarding: "No one will care for this poor, homeless animal but me." This expresses an unresolved inner child issue - that of having received too little or too much attention from our caregivers
  • Receiving a gift, and then the giver of the gift tries to tell you how to use that gift
  • Receiving a gift along with a guilt trip - sounds like: "Here's your gift, and this is what I had to sacrifice to get it for you."
  • Needing to have something only in order to prevent someone else from having it: "I don't want it, but you can't have it."

Free gifts offered by corporations are not free if the giver requires anything from the recipient. The cost may not be in money, but in personal information. Providers of so-called free email services may require a cellphone number to be provided "for the user's protection" (self-aggrandizement)
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Constant need for more of everything, chronic craving for an unknown "something"
Physical effects of the pattern: Eating disorders, cluttered lifestyle (hoarding)
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn and resolve the reasons for feeling deprived, ignored or neglected
Grief (emotion) Deep unreleased sadness over what we feel to be an undeserved loss of a loved one. Along with the sadness can be unrecognized thoughts and feelings of great fear, anger or even resentment toward God - anger over the loss of the dreams that we held for the individual, as with young children; anger for God’s seeming to have punished both the innocent child and us by taking her or him away from us. Losing a life partner can create anger and resentment toward both God and the loved one, because change was forced into our lives.

Unresolved inner child issues can be resolved and released even if the offender has passed away, but extra work is needed to ensure that full understanding is gained and that forgiveness takes place
Physical effects of the pattern: Diabetes osteoporosis
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the forgiveness exercises
Guide/Angel/Teacher Divine representative accompanying us throughout our life's voyages and often referred to as our inner voice. The guides are subject to different spiritual laws than us, and do not enter human form. They are not dead spirits; they are not our long-passed grandparent or parent or sibling or child or pet, although often when we sense our guide’s presence there is a feeling of unconditional love. The guides are entities who have been chosen by God to serve and to assist souls in human form. They are in constant, direct communion with God. Guides other than our personal companion guide do work with us, but the spiritual laws applying to them are different again - they are with us only on a temporary assignment basis. For example, the Archangels will assist in extreme situations by offering their energy and their profound wisdom, but they do not stay with us for our entire lifetime
Guilt (attitude, emotion) Feeling responsible for not meeting expectations, no matter whose they are - or - Excessive remorse for deeds either done or not done.

Since guilt requires punishment, those with guilt over a past experience often meet negative experiences in the present - not because God wants to punish us, but because we expect punishment. Since the Universal Intelligence is responsive, our expectation creates the negative experience.

Guilt is just as hurtful and damaging to us as any of the other negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. It can cause us much pain, and can cause us to behave in ways that are potentially harmful to many.

Guilt, condemnation and remorse are interwoven, and all keep us stuck in the past. It is important to remember always that we cannot change the past. We can only learn from it and use it to change the present. We can never be sure what the future holds; we only live now, and only now can be affected by our behaviour.

Parents may take on guilt for their children's actions. This can help no one; the parent suffers and the child fails to learn responsibility.

People often lay guilt trips to manipulate and to get their own way, that is, to control others. See legacy guilt

Sounds like: It's all your fault. If you don't do as I ask, you're bad. Remember how you hurt me?
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the forgiveness exercises
Honesty (attitude) Ability to confront Universal Truth - about self, about our experiences, about others. Without Universal Truth, we are left searching futilely for a way to explain why we have certain experiences or why we have certain behaviours
Humility (attitude) Knowing that we are all children of our Creator in human form, in differing stages of development. We are all capable of ANYTHING, given the proper circumstances. All are equal in the eyes of the Universal Intelligence. Humans are not in charge of everything
Hypervigilance (thought, attitude) Can occur with chronic anxiety. Those with this victim mentality become a victim of their own fears, believing the world to be filled with constant dangers. Victims of abuse often (unconsciously) monitor their spoken words to remove any hint of independent thought. See fear of invasion
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unable or unwilling to trust or relax, to ever feel good enough, to set aside fear
Physical effects of the pattern: Chronic shallow breathing, inability to concentrate, impaired learning
How to change the pattern: Practice meditation
Hypocrite (attitude) The media is filled with examples of public figures (teachers, community leaders, etc.) who lie, cheat, manipulate and abuse their power. We hypocrites love to point the finger at them - we want them to be held accountable, yet happily excuse ourselves from any wrong-doing. Until we change this attitude, society will continue to experience trouble and strife. As long as we allow ourselves to lie, cheat, manipulate and abuse our power, our leaders will continue to do the same
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Arrogance, lots of blaming, feeling like a victim, self-righteousness
Physical effects of the pattern: Severe allergies, chronic flatulence and/or sinusitis
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that we must not hold higher expectations for others than ourselves
Ignorance (thought, attitude) Belief that we already know so we require no further understanding. Spiritual ignorance is a crippling condition and choice. Believing there is only one place to learn about God closes the door to spiritual growth. Believing that God no longer communicates with his human children, leaves us relying on someone else’s version of Truth
Physical effects of the pattern: Prejudice, hatred, intolerance
How to change the pattern: Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn one life form is to condemn The Source
Insolence (thought, attitude) Belief that we know what is best while our authority figure(s) are fools who haven't a clue. Can come from a multitude of beliefs, for example, "I'm smarter/better than everyone else", "Everyone should do whatever I want", "I can do whatever I want", I don't have to do what anyone else says." Can stem from too little or too much attention from one's caregivers when growing up, or from one's caregivers being unable or unwilling to say, "No" to the child. The insolent person often suffers from a lack of real self-worth, which contributes greatly to their need to be in control of everything at all times, and to use the threat of a temper tantrum to control others
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Lack of respect for self and others
Physical effects of the pattern: Nose issues, obesity
How to change the pattern: Become open to the concept that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn one life form is to condemn The Source
Isolation (thought) Self-imposed punishment that requires avoiding contact with anyone who has angered or hurt us. This behaviour of withholding communication without consideration for, or explanation to, those who will be affected by the silence can be crippling (see abandonment, cold shoulder). It can also create addictions to substances and self-destructive behaviours
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Always waiting to feel like a victim again, lots of pity parties
Physical effects of the pattern: Post-nasal drip, shingles, varicose veins
How to change the pattern: Meditate to find the spiritual root cause of the behaviour. Do not allow self to give up on communicating
Jealousy (thought, attitude, emotion) Deep fear of losing someone’s affection, approval or attention. Jealousy can come from feelings of inadequacy, a fear of abandonment and/or an inability to trust. Can begin in childhood from too little (or too much!) attention from one's caregivers
Sounds like: You're mine so you can never have any other relationships or interests
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Co-dependent or wrecked relationships, resentment, hoarding
Physical effects of the pattern: Liver diseases, some forms of cancer, digestive disorders
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the meditation and self-esteem exercises, and visit WikiHow to learn how to overcome jealousy
Joy (emotion) Feelings of pleasure and delight that arise from within, especially when we have given unselfish service to another. Joy can also come when we are doing something about which we care deeply. We tell ourselves that an act of revenge will bring joy, but any act that harms another cannot bring true joy
Judgment (thought, attitude) Forming negative opinions of others, sometimes after consideration, sometimes instantly. We need to make some judgments all the time, but the habit could be improved significantly were we to stop judging our fellow humans, since we cannot possibly know what another is thinking. It's judgment to decide that someone is too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too beautiful, too ugly - or whatever - to deserve our respect. The point is that this is a negative behaviour that harms us all. Prejudice is accepting someone else’s judgment of someone, without forming our own opinion based on our own experiences. See gossip
Physical effects of the pattern: All forms of arthritis
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt
Losing one's belongings (behaviour) Can happen when we're not concentrating on what we're doing in the moment. If it happens all the time, can be a sign of living in victim mode, a need to live in chaos, or an unrecognized need to be nurtured
Manipulation (thought, attitude, behaviour) Pattern of using negative behaviour, instead of asking, to make others do what we want (often because of fear that they will say no). Can take many forms: Using baby talk, uptalk or whining, laying guilt trips, lying, asking favours in front of others, procrastinating, threatening, withholding communication. See control
Physical effects of the pattern: Bladder and urinary tract problems, kidney disease
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of fear of expressing our needs or desires
Martyrdom (attitude) Letting others know how much we have suffered and sacrificed in order to help them, or to serve God, with the intention of making them feel indebted to us
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Habitual laying of guilt trips
Physical effects of the pattern: Back or shoulder pain, speaking in an artificially happy tone of voice
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that wanting others to be grateful for our help leads to other poor spiritual choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt
Meditation (thought) Meditation is communication - two-way communication - between us and the Universal Intelligence. It is the act of asking questions and then paying attention to hear the answers. Learn how. See also prayer
Mercy (thought, attitude) Tendency to be kind, forgiving and sympathetic to those in difficult circumstances (including self). Being merciful does not mean rescuing someone by doing their work for them, because that can do more harm than good. It means being a non-judgmental shoulder to cry on. It means giving information when invited to do so
Misanthropic (attitude) Believing the very worst about self or humanity and doing nothing about it because it would be pointless anyway, right? See distrust
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Extremely unlikely to have close, satisfying relationships
Physical effects of the pattern: Nasal or sinus issues
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence communicates with us
Misogyny (thought, attitude, emotion, belief) Loathing of females or defenseless creatures (by males or females). Belief that they can serve no useful purpose other than to reproduce
Spiritual effects of the pattern: abandonment, addictions, bullying, greed, intolerance
Physical effects of the pattern: lactose intolerance, impotence, infertility, prostate or female issues
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the forgiveness and tolerance exercises
Obedience (attitude) Asking God for guidance, waiting around long enough to hear it and then following it. Obedience does not mean doing what another human tells you to do, or doing what they say God says you must do - it means following the instructions given to you by your own guide when you have asked for assistance from the Universal Intelligence
Obsessive/Compulsive Behaviours Inability to cope with life without doing certain routines when certain things have happened; seemingly uncontrollable urge to repeat a behaviour, whether or not it is acted out. Often done in response to repression or suppression of strong emotions, to gain some measure of control when we feel like a victim. Form of addiction that can be as difficult to treat as chemical dependency; however, if dedicated to healing self, tremendous change is possible. Before repeating any behaviour, it is important to remember that we have the ability to choose. See free will, OCD, perfectionism
Physical effects of the pattern: alcohol/drug use, checking, counting, dawdling/chronic lateness, chronic lying, eating disorders, excessive exercise, gambling (usually triggered when one feels bad and needs assurance that "God still loves me"), hair removal, hair twirling, handwashing, hoarding, looking in the mirror, perfectionism, picking at skin flaws, repeating phrases or movements, self-mutilation, sexual encounters, shopping, whining and so on. All of the behaviours can be crippling. They can repel people (sometimes that's the whole idea) and they can anger people (a side benefit). They often end up creating the exact situation we are trying to avoid
How to change the pattern: Meditate to identify and resolve the root cause
Patience (attitude) Ability to wait without having any negative thoughts, attitudes or emotions. In these days of almost instant gratification, we see more and more outbursts of rage - on roads, in airplanes, even simply standing in a lineup. It seems like we get angry over having to wait any longer than 30 seconds for whatever it is we’re wanting
How to build patience: We can use wait time as an opportunity to get centred and focus on what’s happening around us
Peace (emotion) State of calm, acceptance, forgiveness, tolerance. Many believe that a higher intelligence - either Jesus or possibly extraterrestrials - will come to Planet Earth to save humanity from the brink of destruction, but that sounds a little too easy. How exactly could it come about?

Unless they simply force Peace upon us (a contradiction in terms), something will be required of us to bring it about. What if that higher intelligence said that in order to save ourselves, we would have to forgive all those who had ever harmed us in any way, intentionally or otherwise? How might we feel?

What if that higher intelligence said that there can be no peace on the planet so long as even one of us holds onto hatred, intolerance, prejudice and/or resentment? What would we do? What could we do? Would we be able to forgive one who had harmed us or our loved ones, or had committed a heinous crime? Believe it or not, it can be done. It takes an open mind and an open heart, but it can be done
Cause for hope: Although it may not seem so, the peoples of this planet are gradually evolving toward democratic peace. It's a very slow process, because after all, we all want what we want when we want it. As the knowledge and spirit of universal equality becomes more widespread though, peace will continue to escalate
How to build peace: See war. Visit Section 9 of this website and do the forgiveness exercises
Perfectionism (attitude) Inability or unwillingness to accept any person or thing that does not meet excessively rigid standards. When we place these standards upon another person, we are controlling, judging, criticizing and condemning them. It is control when we in effect say, “You must do this my way, the right way, the only way.” It is judgment and criticism when we decide that they are doing it wrong, and condemnation when we decide to punish them in some way for their failure to do what we want, the way we want it done. Far better to strive for excellence than perfection.

We use these standards to gain either our own or someone else's approval (whether or not they are present). Can begin early in childhood and is often done in response to the treatment received from our caregivers. It can develop when a child receives constant negative attention for doing anything that does not meet the standards held for that child by the caregivers, or when the child feels invisible in the family. Can become an obsessive/compulsive behaviour
Sounds like: "If I don't do it, it won't get done right." "It has to be done this way."
Physical effects of the pattern: Always looking to catch others in an error, acne, liver diseases, arthritis
How to change the pattern: Do the Tolerance exercises. Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt
Persecution complex (attitude, emotion) Feeling that everyone is out to get us, or is judging us, or is thinking about us (see narcissism, self-importance, victim). Can stem from too little or too much favourable attention in early childhood
Sounds like: They all think I'm bad
Physical effects of the pattern: Difficulty in maintaining close, satisfying relationships, hiding one’s face when speaking, mumbling or talking fast
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the self-esteem exercise
Pessimism (attitude) Outlook on life that says, "What's the point - things will never work out the way I want anyway". Results from having judged, criticized and condemned self, others, and/or the Universal Intelligence for failing to reward our efforts or give us that which we desire or feel we need. Can begin as an act of spite or revenge. See passive/aggressive
Sounds like: Things will never turn out right. What else is new? I’ll never amount to anything
Physical effects of the pattern: Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, chronic lower back pain and/or sciatica, eye problems, insomnia and other sleep disorders
How to change the pattern: Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result
Petulance (attitude) Childishly sulking to make everyone suffer for not giving us what we want. See blame, manipulation, spite, victim
Sounds like: "If you won't let me make all the rules and be the star, I'll take my ball and go home. Then you'll be sorry."
How to change the pattern: Learn about greed, humility, sacrifice
Phobias (thought, attitude, emotion) Condition in which our fear of a particular experience is transferred onto one or more creatures, objects or activities, because that is safer than acknowledging the real cause of fear. Phobias can also develop as a result of having felt a complete loss of control in a situation, such that one feels compelled to avoid potentially similar situations
Physical effects: Similar to the effects of long-term anxiety, but usually occurring upon encountering the object of dread: heart/lung and skin disorders, nausea, as well as nervous behaviours like shaky hands, nail-biting, repetitive scratching, inability to concentrate or focus on the matter at hand, jerky movements
How to change the pattern: Spiritually: Meditate to identify the underlying fear and its spiritual root cause, as well as the reasons for choosing to react to life in this particular way. Physically: Learn to breathe
Post-traumatic stress disorder Can arise after observing or experiencing terrifying events over which one had no control. Somehow we feel that we should have been able to prevent them, or at least been able to fix them or prevent them from ever happening again. The events need not have been life-threatening - they need only have been frightening for us personally
Spiritual effects of the pattern: If we feel we are responsible, we can take on guilt. If we feel others are responsible, we can take on a victim mentality and become extremely passive or aggressive, alternately
Secondary Traumatic Stress (Compassion fatigue) can arise for those caring for someone who needs constant attention, or for those whose job it is to care for victims of traumatic experiences
How to change the pattern: . The event(s) may seem impossible to forget, but it is possible to do so. Visit Section 9 of my website and do the grieving and how to stop worrying exercises
Prayer (thought, attitude) Act of talking to the Universal Intelligence. Many use prayer to ask God for favours (see control); for example, heal me...heal someone else...keep someone alive...let someone die...punish someone for me...let my team win the big game...let me win the lottery... Saying the words, "Thy will be done," can avoid much needless worry and distress. Many use prayer as a protection from evil or from the wrath of God. This is not prayer - this is ritual and superstition, which is nothing more than fear that has become habit. Try two-way communication - meditation - and experience the profound life changes that are possible
Procrastination (attitude) Putting off doing that which one has agreed to do. This is an act of control. See passive/aggressive, avoidance, laziness. Those who fail to live up to their commitments often have a mate who nags, but will not claim any responsibility for the situation. The procrastination / nagging game can go on for years, with one person blaming the other for their own failure to communicate
Physical effects of the pattern: Hearing, seeing or memory problems, hypochondria
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn what we're trying to gain or create by avoiding doing that which needs to be done
Quantum entanglement Commonly known as karma, this system of checks and balances ensures repayment of all favours given and debts incurred throughout each of our incarnations. Once souls in physical form have interacted, they are connected across space and time until they understand - and forgive - their motives for actions taken or not taken. This information is recorded in the Akashic records, so our guides know exactly what is owed to whom. Repayment comes in the form of lessons, which are presented by each soul’s guide in the appropriate incarnation at the appropriate time. The system applies to individuals as well as groups, as can be seen in nations that continually battle. Until there is forgiveness on both sides, the warring will continue
Rejection (thought) Dismissing someone or something because of inferiority or imperfection (see also cold shoulder). Used as a punishment when we have judged, criticized and condemned someone or something. Rejection of a person can be a form of abandonment. Rejection of an idea can be a form of denial. When someone has rejected us, we can feel ashamed of our words, our actions or ourselves
Physical effects of the pattern: arthritis
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt
Repression (thought) Unable or unwilling to acknowledge that one has had a negative experience. Learned behaviour that can begin in very early childhood as a conscious choice, but develops into a seemingly unconscious reaction whenever experiencing strong emotions (denial)
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Unexpected explosive rages
Physical effects of the pattern: Addictions, digestive issues, obsessive/compulsive behaviours
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the grieving exercise
Resentment (thought, attitude, emotion) Holding onto a deep-seated grudge against someone who has hurt or offended us can create the habitual need for revenge. We can even get addicted to the high that comes from allowing our hurt to excuse us from behaving responsibly. Can become a habitual response to people or circumstances that do not meet with our approval. Check out my blog on Legacy Resentment
Sounds like: “I hate you and I will never forgive you” or “You'll pay for that”
Physical effects of the pattern: arthritis, digestive disorders, heart/lung problems, high cholesterol, bladder and urinary tract problems
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt
Respect (attitude) Willingness to treat self and others with patience and tolerance, mercy and forgiveness, because we are all children of God. We are all in varying stages of development and we are all capable of greatness, or of making terrible choices.

Being respectful helps us build healthy relationships; however, there is no guarantee of receiving respect back. Others can follow our leadership or not, the choice is theirs to make.

Using another's possessions and/or taking their property without their permission, and then saying, "I didn't think you'd mind" is actually disrespect and a guilt trip, because it can shame the person into pretending not to mind. Failure to ask permission can stem either from fear that it might not be given or from the belief that we are somehow "entitled". See arrogance
Revenge (thought, attitude, emotion) Deep need to retaliate against someone who has offended us by hurting someone/anyone as badly as we have been hurt (see gossip). Can be a desire to teach someone a lesson they won’t forget. See abandonment, cold shoulder. Such behaviour can easily worsen into depression or obsessive/compulsive behaviours.

It may feel like hurting others is the only way to deal with our pain, but there is another way… forgiveness! However, forgiveness requires (and enables) us to stop allowing ourselves to react with resentment. Sharing our feelings is a great start because often the offender has no idea that their words or actions hurt us. At the very least, communication can validate our experience, and it might even open the door to new understanding.

World peace will be impossible until we as individuals stop resenting others and wanting revenge. So let’s not leave it up to the other guy, or the government, or other countries. Let us be the one to flex our forgiveness muscle
Sounds like: “I was hurt so it’s okay for me to hurt anyone who gets in my way,” “What goes around comes around,” “Serves you right,” or “God will get you for this" or "God will hurt you for me”
Physical effects of the pattern: Heart/lung problems, high cholesterol, digestive problems
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that hatred leads to other poor spiritual choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt. Check out my blog on Resentment, Revenge and Legacy Resentment
Sacrifice (attitude) Being willing to set aside our needs or beliefs in order to be of service to the Universal Intelligence. We often call it sacrifice if we help someone, even though we really do it because we are unable to say no to her or him. True sacrifice means giving up what we want to do, in favour of what the Universal Intelligence (through our guide in meditation) has asked, or not doing something we want to do because the Universe (through our guide in meditation) has asked that we not. Sometimes this includes not stepping in to help someone uninvited
Sarcasm (attitude) Words (whether spoken aloud or not) that are intended to ridicule or harm self or another under the guise of humour
Physical effects of the pattern: Upper respiratory issues
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the self-esteem exercise
Scorn (attitude) Treating someone as though they are not worthy of our respect. Results from having judged, criticized and condemned someone, and our scorn is the punishment. See self-righteousness
Looks like: Giving someone a dirty look
Physical effects of the pattern: arthritis, heart disease, eye disease, nose issues
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the tolerance exercises
Seeking of Truth and Understanding (thought, attitude) Being willing to confront Universal Truth about self, our experiences and our belief systems can lead us to full understanding, which enables us to release the past fully and with love. When we resent someone, we often feel fully justified in not seeking any understanding at all about the offending person's possible motives or intentions for their words or actions. All too often though, offenders are not even aware that they have caused injury. That's one of the reasons that forgiveness is so important. See Gossip
Self-aggrandizement (thought, attitude) Using others to further self and our own interests, under the guise of it being for the other guy's benefit
Sounds like: Making others think that what we advise them to do is to help them, and will not help us in any way. Selling a product under the false pretense that the buyer will benefit because of it, or will come to harm without it, when the only true reason for selling it is to make a profit
Physical effects of the pattern: Heart problems, digestive issues, foot problems
How to change the pattern: Do self-esteem exercise
Self-esteem (attitude) Ability to accept our good and not-so-good thoughts, attitudes, emotions, beliefs, desires and behaviours without judgment, criticism or condemnation. Goes hand in hand with self-respect. We are born with these qualities, but lose them all too easily. Unstable self-esteem prevents us from approving of self unless and until someone (usually an authority figure) first gives us their approval.

Sounds like: Can be a constant fight with self: we do something and may think we did all right, but have to wait for someone else to agree. If they tell us they don't like what we did, we immediately judge, criticize and condemn self - not only for having done a lousy job, but for having had the audacity to think it was ok. We feel they have attacked us and we respond with anger, usually (but not always) directed at self. It's a short step then to a wave of depression
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of my website and do the self-esteem exercise
Self-importance (attitude) Belief that we are more deserving of attention than others, and that everything that happens to us is of the utmost importance to everyone. Can be the belief that our beliefs are flawless, or that everything that happens, be it an experience or even a conversation, is about us. Holding self in very high regard.

Pride and conceit are offshoots of ego and self-importance. Self-importance and self-condemnation often go hand-in-hand, because even though we may feel proud of some of our accomplishments, we may also be ashamed of some of our words or actions
Sounds like: What about me? Me, me, me. Let's talk about me and my family, or friends, or pets, or job, or hobbies, or experiences; anything, so long as I don't have to listen to anything about you. See babble, narcissism
Physical effects of the pattern: Chronic flatulence, vertigo
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the self-esteem exercise
Self-interest (attitude) Using others for our benefit, with regard only for self
Physical effects of the pattern: Digestion disorders
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the reasons for feeling ignored or neglected
Self-righteousness (thought, attitude) Belief that self is morally pure and beyond reproach, in comparison against someone whom we have judged as being less than perfect. No one can escape life on earth without having harmed another, either physically or emotionally, whether intentional or not
Sounds like: I would never hurt anyone the way you've hurt me - or - God will punish you, but he'll forgive me
Physical effects of the pattern: High cholesterol, eye problems, sepsis
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the forgiveness exercises
Shame (emotion) Feelings of embarrassment, guilt and remorse that come upon learning that we are not perfect. Shame can lead to feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt and low self-esteem. Can create the need to live in a state of secrecy about self and our experiences, and a need for isolation. Often associated with a constant state of fear, even panic, that one will be found out. Can create the need for addictive behaviours and substances. Abused children often have a deep sense of shame, for they can believe that they were responsible for their negative experiences. Shame is also a component of survivor's guilt
Sounds like: It's all my fault and I should be punished. I'm bad and everyone can see it
Physical effects of the pattern: Skin problems like acne rosacea, rash
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the self-esteem, grieving and forgiveness exercises
Should (thought, attitude) Control word used when telling someone what we think they need to do. We may think we know what's best for others but maybe, just maybe, we don't. Before telling someone else what they should do, consider how it feels when someone else tells us what to do
Physical effects of the pattern: Nerve damage, high cholesterol
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn the source of our desire/need to be in charge
Silent rebellion (thought, attitude, emotion) Actions taken when feeling completely powerless to improve one's on-going emotional plight. The actions need only have the effect of shocking, annoying or repelling others. Examples (in no particular order) are: laziness, poor posture, wearing too much perfume, refusing to bathe, wearing dirty, ill-fitting or revealing clothing, wearing garish makeup, getting tattoos and/or body piercings, styling one's hair to be shocking, hoarding

The alternative, addressing the issue with the person or people contributing to the plight, is not even a possibility because of the belief that it would be pointless because "they" will always win, no matter what. The fear is that discussion could even make things worse, if that were possible.

When someone feels so impotent that they have to resort to some form of silent rebellion, they can feel that there's no point in doing anything at all - and certainly no point in doing it well. They've lost hope that these conditions will ever change, and they've learned that nothing they do will ever have any positive outcome. It's a miracle to them if they're able to even get up out of bed in the morning.

This complete and utter despair results from constant judgment, criticism and condemnation from a loved one. No matter what they say or do, that person will never give their approval, so of course they have no dreams, for what would be the point? They'll just get dumped on anyway, so they see no reason to even try.

The so-called laziness continues until they finally figure out a way to get back at those they feel have created this condition. Then it's, "Aha, I have it!" and they're on the road to repeating self-destructive behaviours that are even more harmful than laziness, without knowing why they're doing them. Because they've finally taken action, the anger and frustration magically go away (or at least become suppressed) and that's all that really matters.

What to do about it...
As difficult as it can be to stop needing approval from others, that's exactly what's needed to start changing the pattern. Start living for self, instead of living to hear from someone else that what we're doing is good, and right, and important. Of course the loved one WILL NOT LIKE this change and will do everything in their power to make things go back to the way they were, so it's important to be strong and know that there's a world full of people who will happily give their approval. The sooner we come to peace with this truth, the sooner we can get on with our lives and become who we were meant to be. Additionally, visit Section 9 of this website and do the self-esteem exercise
Soul mate Belief that we are incomplete until we find the specific person whom the Universal Intelligence created only for us. We were created as individual souls, whole and complete
Spiritual effects of the belief: Co-dependent relationships, victim mentality
How to change the pattern: See confirmation bias. Visit Section 7 of this website and see "Will I ever find my soul mate?" Visit Section 9 of this website and do the self-esteem exercise
Spite (attitude) Act of harming self in the hope that the one(s) who hurt us will notice and then feel guilty for what they have done
Sounds like: "I refuse to enjoy life because of the way you treated me"
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Choosing to live one's life in misery or deprivation; returning a cherished gift to its original owner; thoughts of suicide and/or abandonment
Physical effects of the pattern: Heart/lung issues, high cholesterol, digestive or nose problems, sinusitis
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that the desire for revenge leads to other poor spiritual choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt. Visit my blog on Resentment, Revenge and Legacy Resentment
Status quo bias (attitude) Status quo bias is a need to avoid any change, at any cost. It arises from a fear of change since no matter how unpleasant one’s current situation, the fear says that changing anything might make matters even worse. So we go on as we always have, wishing for change but seemingly unable to do anything to help ourselves. We end up being our own victim
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Strong need to be in control, depression, feeling like a victim, chronic frustration, unresolved grief
Physical effects of the pattern: Anemia, unstable blood pressure, cancer, varicose veins
How to change the pattern: Meditate to gain self-acceptance and visit WikiHow to learn how to deal with change
Stress (attitude) Self-imposed punishment for having judged, criticized and condemned self to be a failure. The condemnation, the sentence, is harming ourselves in some way, either spiritually or physically
Spiritual effects of the pattern: Withholding from self whatever it is that one most wants
Physical effects of the pattern: Addictions, hypertension, insomnia
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn what triggers the behaviour
Suppression (thought) Conscious choice to keep our thoughts, attitudes and emotions about painful experiences hidden from others. Can begin as an act of spite. As with repression, keeping everything bottled up inside can create the need for mood-altering substances or habits. Can prevent us from forming deep, emotional bonds or meaningful relationships
Physical effects of the pattern: Obsessive/compulsive behaviours
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the grieving exercise, plus meditate to find the root cause of the behaviour
Survivor's Guilt (attitude, emotion) Crippling condition creating much pain, discomfort and negativity. Can become an addiction. Losing loved ones through death caused by accident, illness, childbirth, suicide or euthanasia, murder/acts of terrorism or genocide can create survivor's guilt. Remaining healthy when a loved one becomes unwell can also create it, as can growing up as the normal child in a family with a special needs child. Also, some Christians believe that since Christ died on the cross for them, they must prove their appreciation by inflicting pain upon themselves
Sounds like: "I cannot/will not ever succeed. Nothing of lasting benefit can or will come from me. There cannot/will not be any joy in my life. If something good does happen, I cannot/will not celebrate. I cannot/ will not contribute to a society that allowed (whatever) to happen." Why? Finding enjoyment in life could be seen as a betrayal of the loved one, or of the family. It could be seen as a failure to punish self enough.

Remember that God does not ever judge, criticize or condemn us, and that our loved one's experiences were a part of their path. We cannot walk their path for them. We must allow them the dignity of ownership. We must not use their experiences as an excuse for failing to live well, or for holding onto resentment or for seeking vengeance, or for punishing ourselves
Physical effects of the pattern: Heart/lung disorders, depression
How to change the pattern: Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence is in charge of matters of life and death. Then meditate to learn our true life purpose
Tolerance (attitude and learned behaviour) Ability to observe people or to have certain experiences without their creating negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions within us. Intolerance creates much of the turmoil on this planet. As souls in human form, we face many spiritual challenges. Chief among them is the temptation to hate. If we as individuals fail to grasp the lesson that all are equally loved by the Universal Intelligence, the spiritual laws of reincarnation and karma will ensure that we return to try, try again. Failure of groups and nations to “get it” creates negative societal patterns such as legacy guilt and legacy resentment. Until the racial / religious / gender issues dividing us are resolved, until we allow forgiveness into our lives, humans will be unable to meet our full potential
How to change intolerance: Visit Section 9 of this website and do the tolerance exercises
Trust (thought, attitude) Knowing that our Creator loves us unconditionally, that everything required for our learning will be provided, and that each and every experience is given to help us learn how to love ourselves and others unconditionally
Unconditional Love Acceptance without conditions (a lack of negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions). We are loved unconditionally by the Universal Intelligence. There is nothing we have to do, nothing we have to change, in order to be loved by God. Universal energy registers in us as unconditional love.

Believing that God judges us is to believe that the love is conditional, and this is an untruth and an impossibility, since judgment, criticism and condemnation impose conditions.

Unconditional love can be seen as "tough love", because it allows us to experience all things. It tests us by allowing physical consequences for our spiritual choices. It allows us to feel pain; it allows us to cause pain. See free will
Universal Intelligence The Source of everything. It is energy: deeply intelligent, responsive, unconditionally loving, energy. When connecting with it, we may feel an upwelling of emotion that literally brings tears to our eyes. We know then that everything is ok and there's nothing we need to do or change to gain approval. We are loved unconditionally
Universal truth Information that is free from negative thoughts, attitudes or emotions, and that is logical and straightforward. See confirmation bias
Victim (attitude) Belief that anything negative in our life has been caused by anyone or anything but self, or that there is no protection from what's out there. Pattern can usually be traced to a traumatic childhood experience that has not been correctly understood, which prevents it from being released. Can also come from caregivers being over- or under-protective. Victims believe that there is nothing they can do to change their life situation, or to protect themselves from others' negative words or actions. Feeling like a victim means that we are blaming others and giving away our power
Sounds like: Constant pity parties, telling how everyone has hurt us, everyone is better off than us, nothing ever works out for us, nobody likes us, etc. See blame, denial, martyrdom, passive/aggressive, narcissism
Physical effects of the pattern: HIV/AIDS, anemia, knee problems, rheumatoid arthritis, hypochondria, some forms of cancer, Crohn's Disease, athlete's foot, varicose veins
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 7 of this website and read about spiritual diet
War To fully understand why war exists, we must acknowledge that we ourselves have negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions, and that they cause us to behave in negative ways. Holding a grudge against someone for failing to live up to our standards, or for not giving us what we want, is the first step toward war on a personal level. We justify our actions by saying that the person or people we resent deserve it because somehow they're less than human; they don't deserve our respect; they deserve to suffer.

Political leaders are no different than us. They want what they want when they want it, so they take it. War begins when someone says they cannot have it. The population is dragged into their temper tantrum, and along a path of wanton fury. The leader says it’s for their benefit (self-aggrandizement on a massive scale). Another society is then forced to take on the role of parent to stop them
Sounds like:On a personal level: Stealing from a corporation by making false or inflated insurance claims, using someone's property without their permission, encroaching on a neighbour’s property, etc.
On a national level: Subjecting segments of a population to various forms of control / extinction
On an international level: Forcibly taking over the lands of another domain, subjecting its inhabitants to various forms of control / extinction
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 7 of this website and read about legacy guilt and legacy resentment. Visit Section 9 of this website and do all of the spiritual exercises therein
Worry (thought, attitude) Busy thoughts: wondering how everything will turn out; trying to plan everything; wondering what others are thinking; wondering how others will react to our actions. Excessive worry can create anxiety and even panic attacks.

Worry is often used as a means of control over our loved ones, and indicates that judgment, criticism and condemnation have taken place. For example, saying we are worried about someone is like saying that we think they are incapable of doing the right thing, that we think they will come to some harm if they continue doing whatever it is they are doing.

Those in co-dependent relationships often worry about their partner. They say they are concerned that their loved one will come to some harm, but the real worry is about self. This is not love - this is control
Sounds like: What if... If I do this, then he/she will do... If I do this, then he/she will think...
Physical effects of the pattern: Chronic bleeding nose, digestive problems, tinnitus and other ear problems, hair loss, insomnia, nail biting or chronic pain
How to change the pattern: Visit Section 9 of my website and do the how to stop worrying exercise

Terms
Abandonment | Absenteeism | Anger | Anxiety | Arrogance | At least | Avoidance

Blame | Bullying

Child abuse | Co-dependent relationship | Compassion | Compassion fatigue | Condemnation | Confirmation bias | Contempt | Control | Criticism

Dawdling | Denial | Distress | Distrust | Double standard | Dread

Ego | Embarrassment | Envy

Faith | Fear | Finally | Forbearance | Forgiveness | Free will

Gossip | Grace | Gratitude | Greed | Grief | Guide/angel/teacher | Guilt | Guilt trips

Honesty | Humility | Hypervigilance | Hypocrite

Ignorance | Insolence | Isolation

Jealousy | Joy | Judgment

Losing one's belongings

Manipulation | Martyrdom | Meditation | Mercy | Misanthropic | Misogyny

Obedience | Obsessive/compulsive behaviours |

Patience | Peace | Perfectionism | Persecution complex | Pessimism | Pet hoarding | Petulance | Phobias | Post-traumatic stress disorder | Prayer | Procrastination

Quantum entanglement

Rejection | Repression | Resentment | Respect | Revenge | Reverse abandonment

Sacrifice | Sarcasm | Scorn | Seeking of truth and understanding | Self-aggrandizement | Self-esteem | Self-importance | Self-interest | Self-righteousness | Shame | Should | Silent rebellion | Soul mate | Spite | Status quo bias | Stress | Suppression | Survivor's guilt

Tolerance | Trust

Unconditional love | Universal Intelligence | Universal Truth

Victim

War | Worry
 
© Copyright  'Making Change in Our Lives' by Sheila A. McBeath 1999-2017.  All Rights Reserved If you would like to print, reproduce or use any of the information within this site, please respect the Copyright by crediting ourspiritualnutrition.com within your material, and by not altering the content in any way. Last Updated
20170819