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Section 6 - Spiritual glossary


This section gives the spiritual aspect of many human expressions (thoughts, attitudes and emotions) along with some behaviours and a few commonly spoken words or phrases. Included are the spiritual and physical effects that such expressions can create. If something does not resonate with you, ask the Universal Intelligence about it during meditation or contact me.

New   Evil    Pride    Overview effect    Optimism
Updated Self-esteem    Prior incarnation trauma    Temper tantrums
Term Spiritual aspect
Abandonment
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)

Reverse abandonment
(thought, behaviour)
Overwhelming desire to run away from a difficult situation. Can become a habitual response to our trigger issues. Can take many forms:
  • Withholding communication from people or our guide as a punishment. See cold shoulder, isolation, rejection
  • Escaping a situation via the use of a chemical substance (food, drugs or alcohol)
  • Doing things to exclude others (listening to loud music, reading a book, playing/working on computer, talking on the phone, watching television or movies)
  • Abruptly hanging up the telephone on someone with whom we have just had a disagreement or abruptly turning our back or leaving the room during a conversation
  • Wishing that a disagreeable neighbour would just move away
  • Refusing to have further dealings of any sort with someone after they have done something that angers us. See resentment, revenge
  • Having a death wish for anyone with whom emotional difficulties are encountered on a somewhat regular basis (spouse, child, employer, teacher, colleague, etc.)
  • Suicide ideation

Sounds like
I quit. I give up. Do it yourself. I don't care. I don't have time for this. I can't be bothered.

Spiritual effects
Unable or unwilling to complete projects and/or to persevere through difficult times

Physical effects
Addictions, obsessive/compulsive behaviours, bone spurs, heart disease, hip and knee problems, lung problems

Origin of the pattern
Being physically or emotionally abandoned by parents or caregivers; getting lost; not receiving help when we needed it; feeling unimportant, uninvited and/or unwelcome

Change the pattern
Instead of running away, speak. Say what's on your mind. Even if you think the other person does not want to hear it or does not care what you think, say it, instead of abandoning the person or the situation. See fear of abandonment, reverse abandonment

Reverse abandonment
Some people with a fear of abandonment react to it by seeming to have a nasty disposition, which causes others to leave them - reverse abandonment. The fear prevents them from trusting enough to form meaningful relationships. Being unkind or uncaring keeps them in control of their relationships: "If I am mean enough, or if they think I do not care about them, nobody will want to have anything to do with me and then there will be no danger of anyone leaving (abandoning) me, or at least I will not be surprised when they do". See isolation

Origin of the pattern
Blaming and condemning those who abandoned us or failed to protect or support us, and using this as a reason to punish everyone for their failures. In actuality, we are punishing ourselves though, due to a belief that there must be something intrinsically wrong with us that caused them to abandon us

Change the pattern
Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result - fear can bring about that which is feared. Find the root cause of the fear. If it results from having been abandoned as a young child, there needs to be a realization that children are not responsible for their caregivers’ actions or choices
Anger
(thought, emotion)
Strong feeling of displeasure or hostility. If anger is not dealt with and released, if it is repressed or suppressed, it can then become resentment. People can use the threat of an angry outburst to control and manipulate others. If we allow our fear of someone's angry outburst to prevent us from speaking Truth, we might be blaming her or him for our own behaviour. The fear of confrontation can prevent us from expressing our true feelings, but we still feel them. The energy it takes to suppress them creates stress and tension in the body, which can then develop into illness or create injury-causing accidents.

Of course, the energy that anger enables can also be used to bring about positive changes; it can be channeled into finding creative solutions for problems that seem otherwise impossible to solve

Sounds like
Why can't you ever...? Why do you always...? When is it going to be my turn? How could you do this to me?

Spiritual effects
A pattern can develop of always looking for an excuse to explode. In its extreme, can become an inability or unwillingness to feel satisfied unless others are upset

Physical effects
Accident proneness, depression, heartburn/indigestion, liver problems, migraine headaches, skin disorders, heart disease and stroke, and, ultimately, general systems failure

Change the pattern
Meditate to find the root cause for holding onto anger instead of expressing it. Develop the habit of asking questions instead of assuming we already understand
Anxiety
(thought, emotion)
Intense feelings of dread, uneasiness or apprehension that arise for no apparent reason and become so overwhelming that panic can set in. These feelings result from unrecognized or unresolved fearful thoughts. Ignoring the feelings only provides short-term relief, and can contribute to becoming addicted to constant turmoil and other OCD behaviours,, and having unsolvable problems requiring everyone's attention. See distress, dread, worry.

Anxiety can become a family pattern that worsens with successive generations; however, with all the help that is available nowadays, more and more people are resolving their anxieties and teaching their children how to do so

Spiritual effects
Unable or unwilling to trust

Physical effects
The physical results of long-term anxiety can be heart disease, lung problems and skin disorders, as well as nervous behaviours like shaky hands, nail-biting, repetitive scratching, inability to concentrate or focus on the matter at hand, moving with sudden, jerky movements

Change the pattern
Spiritually: Meditate to identify the underlying fear and its spiritual component. Learn your reasons for choosing to react to life in this particular way. It is possible to live without constant fear and anxiety
Physically: Learn to breathe better
Arrogance
(thought, attitude)
Attitude that places self above all others, and a tendency to announce this superiority to others. Can come from over self-confidence. Arrogance says that rules and laws apply only to others. Arrogance is a lack of respect for others and their possessions or boundaries, and/or their needs and feelings.

Arrogance can be seen in bullies, who tend to be loud, aggressive and controlling. Arrogant people feel justified in whatever they are doing, yet make no attempt to understand or excuse anyone else's behaviour. They act as if the world owes them a debt, or as if meeting their needs should be everybody's top priority. They often miss or are late for appointments and scheduled events. See passive/aggressive behaviours, narcissism

Sounds like
It's ok if I break the law. It's ok if I cheat. It's ok if I hold onto anger and resentment and seek revenge

Spiritual effects
Difficulty in building and/or maintaining meaningful relationships, greed, low or unstable self-esteem

Physical effects
Addictions, babbling, bi-polar disorder, bone spurs, gallbladder inflammation, hoarding, hypothyroidism, knee problems, obesity, walking with stiff arms

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn who we are really trying to hurt and why
At least
(thought, attitude)
Saying "at least I..." to compare self to another shows that we have judged, criticised and condemned someone. See self-righteousness
Attribution bias
(thought, attitude)
Holding others to a high standard of morals and ethics and being quick to condemn them if they fail to live up to them, whilst happily excusing our own failure to do so - or worse, believing that we ALWAYS live up to our standards

Looks like
Someone cuts us off in traffic and we immediately blame them for being a jerk, an inconsiderate driver. We cut someone off in traffic and excuse ourselves by blaming other drivers, road or weather conditions or our need to speed to make an appointment on time. We have no way to know whether others a driver habitually drives in such a fashion, or if they are dealing with an emergency situation, so we cannot possibly judge their motives

Change the pattern
Be as generous with others as we are with ourselves. Extend to them the benefit of the doubt that we would like to receive
Authority figureFor children, an authority figure is one in whose care we are placed and whom we are taught to trust and obey. For adults, this is anyone who has power and control over us. A spiritual breach of trust occurs if authority figures abuse their position of power at the expense of those in their care, and this can be traumatic

Looks like
Can be any of the following: parents, teachers, caregivers, babysitters, person providing professional services (doctors, lawyers, etc.), coaches, group leaders, employers, religious leaders, government representatives, police, etc.
Avoidance
(thought, behaviour)
Pattern of wanting to postpone, indefinitely, decisions that need to be made or actions that need to be taken. Can seem similar to dawdling, but avoidance is delaying doing something and dawdling is doing it, but at a snail's pace. Avoidance can affect every part of our lives, and annoy those with whom we interact.

Fear of failure or of success can cause this behaviour, along with a fear of being held responsible. It is infuriating for us if we are waiting for their decision, but those with this pattern feel imprisoned - they are stuck right where they are, unable to move in any direction. Children not taught how to make choices can grow up dreading making choices, and can find collaboration with others nearly impossible. If we are not taught responsibility, we will find a thousand reasons to put off doing that which we have been asked.

The term, "productive procrastination" has been coined for those who fool themselves into thinking that they are so busy being productive that they cannot find the time to make seemingly momentous decisions, or to do that which they have agreed to do. See blame, victim

Sounds like
Not today. I don't have time. I'm too tired. I don't feel like it

Looks like
Pretending to be busy if someone wants our attention

Note: When working with the Universal Intelligence to resolve inner conflicts, the desire to avoid resolution will be honoured unless we state to our guide that even though we might be afraid, we really do want to deal with the past and change the pattern

Spiritual effects
Unable or unwilling to start or finish projects, risk of becoming a victim of nagging. Avoidance can also create co-dependency between the one avoiding and the one nagging

Physical effects
Hoarding, sensory problems or failure (ears, eyes, memory, etc.). Sometimes we can want so badly to avoid doing something that we wish for illness so that we can escape our duties without blame. The long-term result of such a wish can be chronic ailments or even hypochondria

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn what we are trying to create by avoiding making decisions. Visit WikiHow and Practice making decisions
Basic spiritual needsIn addition to certain basic living requirements, humans also have basic spiritual needs, which, if unmet or are purposely withheld, can cause negative behaviours to develop. These in turn can lead to illness and injuries and chronic disease. Some of those spiritual needs: compassion, encouragement, forgiveness, kindness, leadership, patience, privacy, respect, understanding
Belief systemsWe often make blanket statements to ourselves that reflect how we feel about self or the world in which we live. They can result from our caregivers’ reactions to our early childhood experiences, or from our caregivers’ explanations as to why they happened, or from trying to figure things out on our own. We repeat them whenever there is a similar experience in later life, to justify our choices or actions. They are most often founded not in truth but in biased or egocentric opinions:
  • “I caused my parents to divorce because I was a bad child”: Repeated whenever we are about to succeed or find happiness. Can result from a lack of communication from our caregivers about important life events over which we as children had no control. Can create a fear of abandonment, low or unstable self-esteem, unresolved grief
  • “No one ever believes me or takes me seriously”: Repeated just before we are about to speak. Can result from authority figures repeatedly saying we are silly or ridiculous. Can create chronic confusion. Prevents us from taking part in meaningful discussions, and from speaking our truth
  • “God hates me”: We tell ourselves this if we observe that no one except us seems to have bad luck, or have failures, or experience traumatic events. Can result from our caregivers repeatedly failing to prevent us from coming to harm. Creates distrust and prevents true joy
Learn more
Blame
(thought, attitude, emotion)

Blaming others

Blaming self
Blaming others
Thought pattern that prevents us from looking for the Truth about our part in our own misfortune and contributes to the patterns of denial, guilt-tripping and feeling like a victim
Sounds like
You made me fail. You hurt me. It is your fault. It is their fault. It is not my fault

Spiritual effects
Unable or unwilling to accept responsibility for less than positive results. See perfectionism

Physical effects
Habitual blame contributes to Alzheimer's disease, arthritis, eye problems, heartburn/indigestion, high blood pressure, kidney problems, thyroid diseases, tooth decay

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn whose approval we are trying to gain by pretending to be innocent of faults

Blaming self
Thought pattern that prevents us from looking for the Truth about others’ role in our painful life experiences and prevents us from giving ourselves permission to live well

Sounds like
I brought this (painful experience) on myself. I let this happen. I do not deserve to be treated well

Spiritual effects
Unable or unwilling to accept that others are responsible for their choices, constant apologizing, feeling like a victim

Physical effects
Habitual self-blame contributes to anemia, arthritis, depression, eye problems, low blood pressure, hypochondria, sinus issues, poor posture, thyroid diseases, tooth decay

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn whose approval we are trying to gain by pretending to be responsible for everything bad in our lives
Bullying
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Using any force necessary to impose our will on another, especially one who seems likely to be easy prey. In children, can result from the child's frustration with living in a dysfunctional family unit where there is ongoing, yet unpredictable, physical and/or emotional abuse. In adults, can be the continuation of a childhood pattern that we feel fully justified in continuing

Spiritual effects
Chronic anger, arrogance

Change the pattern
Do the Grieving, Self-esteem and How to stop sniping exercises, and visit WikiHow to learn how to stop bullying, how to stop being a bully, and how to be assertive, rather than aggressive
Child abuse
(thought, behaviour)
Depriving a child of the basic physical or spiritual necessities of life or withholding them as punishment: love, approval, attention, affection, privacy, emotional support, physical food, sleep, safe environment to name only a few. Child abuse and neglect are seen as a failure of the caregivers to provide both physical nurturing and emotional support for those who have been placed in their care. It is the caregiver's responsibility to find ways to teach the child without being abusive. Child abuse can occur when a caregiver treats a child in a negative way in order to win the approval of another authority figure. Some victims of child abuse never recover and develop addictions or turn to crime, never finding peace

Looks like
Inflicting physical or emotional pain on a child, whether as punishment for a wrong-doing or teach discipline

Spiritual effects
Habitual self-condemnation, low or unstable self-esteem, chronic confusion, living in chaos

Physical effects
If you were a victim of child abuse, long-term effects can range from chronic pain to various chronic diseases. See PTSD, visit Section 2. Watch "How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime", a TED Talks presentation by Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris

Change the pattern
Meditate to see the truth that we are not responsible for how our caregivers raised us, then begin to see self as a child of the Universal Intelligence instead of as just our caregivers' children
Co-dependent relationship
(thought, behaviour)
There are four main types of relationships, existing on a sliding scale: Dependent, Independent, Co-dependent and Inter-dependent. We aim for inter-dependent. This is a relationship in which both parties are content on their own and fairly confident within themselves. They are able to give help when it is needed, and to accept help when it is needed. They appreciate that it can be beneficial to have a companion, but one is not necessary in order to live a worthy or successful life.

Of course, almost any human relationship can become co-dependent. It stops being healthy or supportive when it starts preventing independent thought and action, and shows a lack of trust either of self or for the other person in the relationship.

Spiritual effects
Extreme distress at the thought of losing the other person. Fear of abandonment, jealousy, belief that the person is our soul mate and that without them we cannot / will not survive, or that without them, our identity will be lost. Unable or unwilling to be self-sufficient

Physical effects
Unable or unwilling to be out of communication with the other person; unable to independently make decisions, appointments or fend for self; obsessive/compulsive need to share everything with the other (clothing, food, experiences, secrets, etc.)

Change the pattern
Meditate to find the root cause of the need to be in co-dependent relationship(s). Visit WikiHow and learn how to recognize co-dependent relationships
Compassion
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Feeling of deep concern and caring for those in pain or in need. Wanting compassion from others and withholding it from them or from ourselves is a pattern that harms us all. It leads to karmic lessons which keep us trapped in the cycle of reincarnation on Planet Earth

Build the pattern
Whenever you make a mistake - and before condemning yourself - remember that we are all souls in human form, sometimes doing well and sometimes doing poorly. Look at yourself in a kinder light; give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Before long it will become second nature to feel compassion for yourself and even for others
Complacency
(thought, attitude)
Attitude that says, “I’ve got this figured out. It’s easy.” This state of mind puts us on automatic pilot and prevents us from being present, in the moment. It also prevents us from paying attention to our thoughts, which places us at risk of accidents and injury
Condemnation
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Declaring a punishment for someone we have found guilty of something. Can be directed at self or others. Indicates that Judgment and criticism have taken place. See resentment, revenge

Sounds like
You are not as good as me (judgment and criticism), so you deserve to suffer (condemnation); You are so stupid (judgment and criticism; No wonder no one cares what you think (condemnation); You are too fat/too thin / the wrong colour / the wrong religion / the wrong sexual orientation etc. (judgment and criticism) so you deserve to be treated poorly / ridiculed / punished (condemnation)

Looks like
Rolling our eyes or sneering at someone. See scorn

Spiritual effects
Difficulty showing appreciation or receiving recognition or praise

Physical effects
Chronic condemnation can result in arthritis, choking, multiple sclerosis and other neuro-musculo-skeletal disorders. Chronic self-condemnation can set up a fear of success that causes us to unconsciously underperform

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn why our self-esteem failed. Profound self-acceptance and tolerance can be gained from learning that we are all just human, at varying stages of soul development, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes poorly. Do the Self-esteem exercise
Confirmation bias
(thought, attitude)
Tendency to seek and interpret information that confirms our existing beliefs and enables us to repeat harmful, negative behaviours. The pattern contributes to the development of chronic disease and also inhibits spiritual growth. See echo chamber
Contempt
(thought, attitude)
Tendency to consider others or self unworthy of respect, patience, tolerance or compassion. The pattern can prevent finding peace or contentment. Shows that judgment, criticism and condemnation have taken place. Occurs along with arrogance and scorn

Sounds like
You’re not even worth the time it would take to explain

Spiritual effects
Unable or unwilling to acknowledge efforts of others

Physical effects
Ear, eye, nose and/or throat issues, knee problems, neck issues

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn why our self-esteem failed. Profound self-acceptance can be gained, based in the recognition that we are all just human, at varying stages of soul development, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes doing poorly. Do the Self-esteem exercise
Control
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Exercising our will over another, no matter how pure or impure the intention or the motivation. Examples of control:
  • Forcing our help upon another when it has not been invited
  • Asking God for favours for someone else - after all - they might not want or need what we think they want or need, even including healing (some people want to be sick - for them, their illness meets some need)
  • In disagreements, bringing up the past can be a way to gain control of the situation (see memory)
  • Adoptive parents can use guilt trips as a means of gaining or maintaining control over their charges (no matter their age). For example, "If it weren't for us, you'd be an orphan."
  • Assuming that we know what another person is thinking
  • Pretending that we know everything. Includes lying and saying we already know something that was just told to us, when we do not
  • Practical jokes are a form of control - it is just not funny to ridicule someone for not knowing what we know
  • Stealing someone's attention, no matter the motive, or a chronic need for validation from others. See ADD / ADHD, self-esteem
  • Saying we already know something that was just told to us, when we do not
  • We allow ourselves to be controlled when we do what someone has told us to do even if we do not want to do it (see blame, victim)

Sounds like
Let me do it (perfectionism). Call me when you get home so I don't have to worry. You should...

Spiritual effects
Not letting others have their way or do things their way can make them want to avoid doing things with us

Physical effects
Nerve damage, high cholesterol, ALS, Parkinson's disease, multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the source of our need to be in charge. Before telling someone else what to do, think of how it feels when someone tells us what to do. Check out manipulation
Criticism
(thought, attitude)
Giving an unkind comment about self or another, whether spoken aloud or not, whether invited or not. Criticism can be an offshoot of low self-esteem and/or perfectionism. We are often most critical of ourselves, and some people use this to justify their harsh criticism of others

Looks like
Always looking to catch someone in a mistake

Spiritual effects
Chronic unhappiness and unable or unwilling to give praise or positive feedback

Physical effects
Skin disorders, joint problems and autoimmune diseases

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the source of our need to make self or others feel inferior
Defiance
(thought, attitude)
Stems from unresolved issues with an authority figure. See silent rebellion

Looks like
Open resistance to agreeing with anyone, about anything, ever. Refusal to admire anything that mainstream society appreciates. Argumentative just for the sake of being antagonistic

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the reasons for wanting to prove everyone wrong
Déjà vu
(thought, emotion)

Real-time déjà vu
This experience is a bridge between physical reality and thought. It is given by our guide to let us know that we are in the right place at the right time, and that everything is on track. Can also indicate that a lesson is about to be presented, so pay attention to whatever is going on around you. Meditate to practice hearing your thoughts

Real-time déjà vu
Seeing an image or hearing a phrase in our thoughts, that then occurs almost immediately in real time. Could be a mental video clip of something, or seeing someone’s face, or hearing a song title or lyrics. Meditate to practice hearing your thoughts
Denial
(thought, behaviour)
Denial prevents us from accepting responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds and can create the need to blame any misfortune on anyone or anything else. Denial and blame go hand-in-hand

Sounds like
No. You're wrong. I would never say/think/do that

Looks like
Unable or unwilling to face the Truth about self, our prior actions, painful experiences, or our thoughts, attitudes, emotions, beliefs or desires

Spiritual effects
Seeming to be beyond reproach can create stubborn self-righteousness

Physical effects
Addictions, back pain, co-dependent relationships, confusion and memory lapses (ultimately dementia or Alzheimer's disease), vision / hearing issues, chronic irritable bowel syndrome

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the source of our need to make others feel that our motives are beyond reproach, or that we have never had, or caused, a negative experience
Distress
(thought, emotion)
Severe physical, emotional or spiritual discomfort, along with a feeling that something needs to be done, but not knowing what it is or how to do it. Long-term distress can become anxiety, dread and worry

Sounds like
I just know something horrible is going to happen

Spiritual effects
Inability to relax or feel comfortable

Physical effects
Manifests as abdominal pain, digestion, skin or sleep disorders, nervous behaviours, headaches and/or inability to concentrate

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the source of the underlying fear
Distrust
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Lack of faith or confidence, in self, in others, in God. There is a fine line between trust and distrust. Too much trust in others' goodwill can lead to disappointment and disillusionment. We can even place ourselves in harm's way if relying too much on the goodness of others. Chronic distrust can isolate us, prevent us from learning to work together toward a common goal, and lead to feeling persecuted. Distrust can come from a blanket condemnation of humanity

Sounds like
I just know I’ll be the one to get hurt. Everyone is out for number one

Spiritual effects
Unsatisfying relationships, prejudice and/or contempt, legacy resentment, paranoia, the need to blame others for any misfortune, jealousy, feeling like a victim, phobias

Physical effects
Can result in severe allergic reactions, hoarding

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the source of the need to live in fear and isolation
Double standard
(thought, attitude)
Form of condemnation that punishes one person or group for a certain behaviour but allows or rewards it for another, due to having judged the former as being less worthy than the latter

Spiritual effects
Arrogance, blame, hypocrisy, self-righteousness

Physical effects
Severe allergic reactions, dizziness/vertigo, fibromyalgia, upper respiratory infections

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn humility
Dread
(thought, emotion)
Fear that our life and everything that happens to us will be negative and painful. Can result from suffering life-ending trauma in a prior incarnation

Spiritual effects
Anxiety, distress, chronic pessimism, phobias, procrastination, worry

Physical effects
Chronic lateness, dizziness, knee or leg problems, nausea, post-nasal drip, premenstrual dysphoric disorder

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that life is a learning opportunity rather than something to be feared or avoided
Echo chamber
(thought, attitude)
We can be said to be living in a self-imposed spiritual echo chamber, if we instantly dismiss ideas about spirituality that disagree with our own. How can we grow spiritually stronger, wiser, if we refuse to look at new information?

Spiritual effects
Arrogance, defiance, fear, self-righteousness

Physical effects
Arthritis and rheumatoid arthritis, ear and hearing issues, eyes and vision issues, leg / foot / gait issues, neck problems, spine issues

Change the pattern
Decide to at least consider new options or viewpoints
Ego
(thought, attitude)
Represents sense of self

Over-inflated ego says, "It is always about Me". Excessive thoughts of pride or self-praise can become self-importance or perfectionism

Sounds like
Excessive statement making or a lack of question asking. Can be thoughts like: I am so good that everybody needs me; I am indispensable because only I know what is best. Can also be the opposite attitude: I am so bad that nobody wants me or cares about me; I am useless and I will never amount to anything

Spiritual effects
Lack of meaningful relationships

Physical effects
Bi-polar disorder, bloating

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the reason for believing that we are superior or inferior and gradually find that the belief is not correct. This can enable a profound level of self-acceptance based in the recognition that we are all just human, with strengths and weaknesses, sometimes doing well and sometimes doing poorly
Embarrassment
(thought, emotion)
Uncomfortable feeling that we just got caught doing something wrong. See fear of looking stupid

Sounds like
I hurt someone and they will never forget it, so I can never forgive myself. I made a mistake and got caught, and others will think I am stupid or bad. See shame

Spiritual effects
If chronic, can create a cycle of ever-decreasing self-esteem

Physical effects
Acne, rosacea, rash, slouching

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the reason for believing it is not ok to err. Do the Forgiveness exercises
Envy
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Feelings of unhappiness/discontent that come because someone has something we want, whether friends, possessions, personal attributes or even just good luck. Can easily become resentment. Stems from low or unstable self-esteem and a lack of self-worth

Sounds like
I wish I had your ...

Spiritual effects
Chronic unhappiness and never feeling good enough

Physical effects
Liver diseases, breast or pancreatic cancer, digestive disorders, hoarding

Change the pattern
Meditate, do the self-esteem exercise, visit WikiHow to learn how to deal with envy
Evil
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)
Evil is not an entity or a force. No one makes us do, or not do, anything (see Is there any such thing as the devil?). Evil is a short way to describe our cruel, mean, nasty thoughts, words and deeds that spring from our unresolved issues and traumas
Faith
(thought, attitude)
Deep sense of knowing that we are loved unconditionally by, and accompanied by, our Creator. Such faith enables our core belief systems to be based on a firm foundation of self-worth. It informs us that our earthly parents are simply the vehicle by which we enter life in human form; that we are children of the universe always. Lack of such faith prevents us from fully accessing the creative forces that are our spiritual heritage. Faith is a key component of trust
Fake news
(thought, behaviour)
What is fake news and why does it work?
Fake news is a form of gossip and a form of lying. Fake news starts as an act of malice against a competitor or opponent, in an attempt to win others to our side. It is sneaky, underhanded and cowardly, but it works. Why? Well, we just love to think the worst of someone who appears to be doing better than us (envy, jealousy), and sharing such stories makes us feel as though we are serving society. Our gullibility makes us very easy to manipulate, and those who spread negativity and hate, know this.

On the internet
We see gossip all the time on the internet, and most especially on social media platforms. Every day there are fake news stories, so-called friendly warnings of various dangers or of what to do or what not to do, and of course the inevitable “suggested” posts to read (i.e., paid advertisements). These are all growing in number and frequency, because they work! If only we could ignore them and not click on them, we could all help reduce this mass manipulation of our time, energy and talents.

Check the facts
Before clicking on, forwarding or sharing a post or story, check it for yourself at Snopes, Politifact or FullFact (for the UK). If it is true, then it is not fake news. Just remember to verify the story for yourself. Sharing a story or post that someone else verified is pointless, because we have no way to know for sure whether they really did. If the information cannot be verified, then do not share it
Fear
(thought, emotion)
Intense feeling that something bad is going to happen. Fear can be our ally by alerting us to potential danger, but all too often we allow it to prevent us from doing what we need to do to move forward in life. If we allow our fears to immobilize us, we cannot walk our life's path with faith, joy and trust. Like depression, fear can manifest in waves.

Fear is often used as an excuse for not looking at our inner pain, for example, "I'm afraid that if I start crying, I'll never stop."

Fear of God's wrath is pervasive in society and we often go to extremes to avoid it, either by performing rituals or by avoiding doing certain things.

Fear reaches its tentacles into every cell of our being. It prevents us from making wise life choices and from taking positive action in our lives, making us feel like powerless victims.

Sounds like
Gasp! I could never ... Gasp! What if ...

Spiritual effects
Can become anxiety or dread, habitual avoidance of anything that we cannot control, obsessive/compulsive disorder, phobias

Physical effects
Fear can affect all of our bodily functions and systems including:
bladder | blood | bones | brain | gait | gonads | heart | joints | kidneys | liver | lungs | muscles | pancreas | skin disorders | teeth

Contributes to accident proneness, allergic reactions, autoimmune diseases, back pain, obsessive/compulsive behaviours, sciatica

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that since we create our reality, we can change it. Check out WikiHow's How to overcome fear
Fear of abandonment
(thought, emotion, belief)
Belief that we will be left alone and unsupported as a punishment for causing someone’s displeasure. This fear can create a need to be dishonest about what we think and feel, and can make it very difficult to form mutually satisfying relationships.

People with this fear will seem very nasty, or very sweet and meek. Seeming to be nasty keeps them in control of their relationships. "If I am mean enough, nobody will want to have anything to do with me and then there will be no danger of them leaving me" - or - "I will make you leave me so that I am not surprised when you do" (see reverse abandonment).

Those who seem to be meek and mild often apologize for every little thing, even if they are not responsible for it. They find it difficult to express their thoughts, their true opinions or strong emotions. They loathe confrontation of any sort, and try to be indispensable to others. They are prime candidates to develop co-dependent relationships

Spiritual effects
Low or unstable self-esteem

Physical effects
Lower back pain, sciatica

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that we are never really alone; our guide is with us always
Fear of change
(thought, emotion)
Feeling that if anything changes in any way, we will lose something that is is important to us. Can result from growing up in an extremely controlled or extremely chaotic environment. We need to accept that change is an inevitable part of life, so we need to develop positive coping skills

Change the pattern
See status quo bias. Visit WikiHow to learn how to deal with change
Fear of commitment
(thought, emotion)
Intense feeling that entering into any sort of arrangement or agreement with someone is an act of weakness and a surrender of power and control. People with this fear may agree to a commitment yet have no intention at all of meeting it. The pattern contributes greatly to feelings of guilt and/or shame. See distrust, passive/aggressive disorder
Fear of confrontation
(thought, emotion)
This fear prevents us from speaking out if we feel we have been treated unjustly. It stems from a fear of abandonment, and a fear of losing someone's approval. Can be a fear that the other person will explode (or implode) in anger and the consequences will be unbearable. The fear of an angry outburst is often used as an excuse for not standing up for ourselves or for those who are in our care. This fear can make it painful to observe others arguing. See victim

Change the pattern
Visit WikiHow and learn how to be assertive instead of meek or weak. Build self-esteem
Fear of contamination and/or disease
(thought, emotion, belief)
Belief that coming into contact with certain things will create disease; for example, germs, insects, animals, other people, sunshine, cell phones, microwave ovens, etc. Belief that we are victims of the environment, or belief that we are "bad" and will be punished with disease

Spiritual effects
Albeit unwittingly, young children can develop allergies to mimic their caregiver’s fear(s), or to reflect spiritual imbalances within the family. See anxiety, blame, hypochondria, worry

Physical effects
Allergic reactions, obsessive/compulsive behaviours

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the origin of the pattern and the reason(s) for holding onto it. See phobias
Fear of death and dying
(thought, emotion)
Without faith that we will return to Source when we die, we can live with suppressed dread. A belief in "hell" can create a deep terror of the afterlife. Coupled with our fear of the pain and discomfort that may be present when one is very ill or close to death, we can live in a state of avoidance of life, rather than acceptance of all that life has to offer. Wishing for those who have harmed us to be sent to Hell is a form of control and/or revenge, because in effect, we are telling God to condemn them
Fear of failure or of success
(thought, emotion)
Pattern that can prevent us from finishing projects. It may seem that we are lazy, but laziness is not the issue. Fear of completing a task is the driving force. Fear of failure can stem from experiencing extremely negative consequences for failures in childhood, while the fear of achieving success may make us feel that the people who did nothing to help us may take the credit (see spite). May also be a reluctance to outshine a sibling

Spiritual effects
Avoidance, obsessive/compulsive behaviours

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the origin of the pattern and the reason(s) for holding onto it
Fear of intimacy
(thought, emotion)
Can be a fear of having an intimate or sexual relationship, but can also be a fear of expressing self fully and honestly. Can come from embarrassment or shame over our physical appearance or our innermost thoughts

Spiritual effects
Fear of abandonment

Physical effects
Mouth, teeth and gum problems, lying, issues with gonads, penis, uterus, vagina

Change the pattern
Do the self-esteem exercise
Fear of invasion
(thought, emotion)
Can take many forms: extreme concern that someone with ulterior motives will enter our space without permission; everyone intends to steal our personal information and use it to harm us; our body has been invaded by as-yet-undetected injury or illness; UFO's are real and aliens have malicious goals; our personal electronic equipment is infected with malware that cannot be detected

Spiritual effects
Unable or unwilling to fully relax or trust

Physical effects
Hypervigilance, hypochondria, knee problems, mid-back pain, ,self-importance

Change the pattern
Meditate to practice attaining a centred space of peace and calm. Do as the Russian proverb says, "Trust, but verify"
Fear of looking stupid
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Crippling belief that anything new presents a risk that we will fail and others will judge us, and we will lose their approval

Spiritual effects
Unable to get or stay centred if challenged to try something new. distrust of our ability to learn (see ADD / ADHD), chronic shame

Change the pattern
Acknowledge to self that no one person knows every single thing; we all have strengths and weaknesses, and challenges to overcome. Accept that it is impossible to know how to do a thing if we have not yet been taught how to do it. There is no shame in not knowing. Trust the process and above all, trust self. Additionally, learn how to do whatever it is that we fear doing, or at least have enough faith to trust that no matter what happens, we will be ok - we can deal with it. Practice, because after all, practice makes progress
Fear of negative energies
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Deep concern that failure to live up to religious expectations risks harm from energies over which we have no control, like the devil

Physical effects
Accident proneness, allergic reactions, insomnia, constant negative life experiences that make us blame and feel like a victim

Change the pattern
Practice meditation to attain a centred space of peace and calm, and then learn that the Universal Intelligence is unconditional love. Check out Can negative energies harm us?
Fear of retribution
(thought, emotion)
Chronic concern that someone is going to punish us

Spiritual effects
Unable to allow others to be responsible for their actions

Physical effects
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, unable or unwilling to act or make decisions

Change the pattern
Practice meditation to attain a centred space of peace and calm. Then learn that the Universal Intelligence is unconditional love
Fear of telling the truth
(thought, emotion)
Terror at the thought of being harshly judged. Often occurs when our early caregivers withheld their approval. See pathological lying, fear of abandonment
Fear of the unknown
(thought, emotion)
Without faith that we are children of God, our path can be filled with constant doubt, distrust or anxiety, of encountering anything we have not yet experienced. See asthma
Feedback loop
(thought, behaviour)
Thought pattern created by knowing that we have an unresolved issue, but feeling powerless to do anything about it and obsessively repeating "I wish (fill in the blank) was different. I could change it by doing (fill in the blank) but I can't because (fill in the blank)." See status quo bias, victim

Effects
Repeatedly suffering the same physical or emotional injury

Change the pattern
Instead of saying “I can’t change it because …” say “I must change it because …” Start by doing the Grieving and Forgiveness exercises. Then make a plan that will enable the change, and do what is needed to free yourself
Finally
(thought, attitude)
This is a word of blame and condemnation, whether directed toward self, another human, events or the Universal Intelligence
Flat tire
(experience)
No matter the type of vehicle, this experience can occur within two or three days of suffering a crushing disappointment. Reacting with anger, temper tantrums, feeling like a victim, or believing that God must hate us (fear of retribution), makes this is an opportunity to start practicing a new way to respond to life's difficulties
Forbearance
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Ability to stay true to our commitment to change no matter what others are saying or doing. Those who have managed to get out of co-dependent relationships know the challenges of making changes when others try to keep us tied into their “stuff”, but they also know that forbearance grows as our self-confidence and self-esteem grow
Forgiveness
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)
Forgiveness means not resenting those who have angered, harmed or failed us in some way; but rather, seeking understanding before jumping to conclusions.

Knowing why something happened, or why someone has done or not done something can make it easier to forgive, but it is possible to forgive without that information. Allowing for the possibility that we do not yet understand can enable us to let go of injuries more easily.

It may not seem like much, but forgiveness is actually the first step in healing and in chronic disease prevention. So how does that work? Holding onto old hurts is like putting them into a mental vault for safe-keeping. Every now and then we open the vault and review them, just to refresh our pain. We quickly lock our memories away again, for fear of losing them and placing ourselves at risk of being re-injured. Forgiveness takes our memories out of the vault as we seek to gain understanding about the traumatic events we have experienced. Gaining understanding enables the memories to be recalled - and even shared - without re-inflicting emotional anguish

Build the pattern
Do the Forgiveness exercises, then read More about forgiveness
Free WillSpiritual law that gives us the ability to choose, both our beliefs and our attitude toward life. Free will ensures that we experience the outcomes of our choices. Read more
Gossip
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
We use gossip to share our negative opinion of, or to make up lies about, a person or group who has offended us so as to negatively affect others' opinions of them, and to make ourselves look better. We participate in gossip when we spread, listen to, watch or read negative stories about others. See control, fake news, judgment, criticism, condemnation, manipulation, perfectionism, revenge, reverse abandonment, self-righteousness, seeking of truth and understanding

Spiritual effects
Difficulty in building or maintaining friendships, chronic envy and/or jealousy, low or unstable self-esteem

Physical effects
obesity/overweight, teeth / mouth / gum issues, upper respiratory infections, lots of choking

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the reasons for our low self-esteem; then do the Self-esteem exercise
Grace
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Tendency to be generous, helpful and forgiving toward self and others (does not mean allowing abusive behaviour). The Universal Intelligence and our guides hold humanity in a state of grace (unconditional love). See What is karma?

Note: Karmic debt we owe to others (and self) is forgiven as we treat others (and self) with mercy and grace rather than anger, greed, hatred, resentment or revenge. We can release karmic debt owed to us by others in the same way.
Gratitude
(thought, attitude)
Gratitude is an attitude of thankfulness and/or appreciation. Placing too much emphasis on thanking God for every little thing can sound as if we are trying to prove something. The Universal Intelligence knows what we think before we even think it, so missing an opportunity to say thank you does not mean we are ungrateful. Saying grace before a meal is a fine practice, but if used as a protection against the wrath of God, or as a way to appear pious, then gratitude is not the real motive.

Thanking God
Thanking God for loving us is a concept borne of fear of divine punishment for taking things for granted, for being ungrateful. The fear is that God will think we feel entitled, and that it is a short step from there to hell. This sort of fear can stem from our caregivers requiring our gratitude for their having provided us with the basic necessities of life. Are we supposed to thank them for choosing to have children, and then for enabling us to stay alive?

We praise God when things go our way, assuming that we must have done something right, but what happens when things go wrong? Do we assume that God has judged us as unworthy, or that he is punishing us, or that he likes our opponent or enemy more than he likes us?

Thanking everyone for everything
There is a lot of hype out there about the importance of feeling grateful and expressing our gratitude, but it is getting so that we can feel pressured into saying thank you for every little thing. This goes completely against the spirit of gratitude. There is a world of difference between truly feeling thankful, and saying thank you merely because it is expected. Expressing our gratitude is not a protection against having negative life experiences.

We often rush out to buy a thank you gift for the thank you gift that someone gave us. Far better to allow the giver the pleasure of having expressed their gratitude to us, and leave it at that.
Greed
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Seemingly irresistible need to withhold our possessions from others, whether money, material items, relationships, love, or even simply knowledge (like a family recipe), to manage the pain of emotional wounds, or as a form of revenge. Can also be feeling fully justified in wanting more than we can possibly use

Forms of greed
  • Unwilling to share our belongings yet expecting others to share theirs. We judge, criticise and condemn them when they fail to do so - it is easy to see their greed yet not our own
  • Demanding approval from others yet selfishly withholding ours
  • I promised to give you this, and I know you really want it, but I am not going to give it to you until I feel like it (maybe I will never feel like it)
  • I will just hang onto this in case I ever need it again
  • I will keep the best part of this set, but you can have the rest
  • Someone gives you a gift and then tells you how to use it
  • Receiving a gift along with a guilt trip - sounds like: "Here is your gift, and this is what I had to sacrifice to get it for you."
  • Taking something only to prevent someone else from having it: "I do not want it, but you cannot have it."
  • Free gifts or services offered by corporations are not free at all if the giver requires anything from the recipient (see self-aggrandizement). The cost may be in surrendering excess personal information rather than money

Origin of the pattern
Receiving too little (or too much) of the things we most wanted as a child

Sounds like
“My needs are more important than anyone else’s”

Spiritual effects
Constant need for more of everything, chronic craving for an unknown "something", corruption of our motives

Physical effects
Eating disorders, cluttered lifestyle (hoarding, pet hoarding)

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn and resolve the reasons for feeling deprived, ignored or neglected
Grief
(thought, emotion)

Anticipatory grief
Deep unreleased sadness over what we feel to be an undeserved loss. Along with the sadness can be unrecognized thoughts and feelings of great anger, fear or even resentment toward God for robbing us of the dreams that we had. Losing a life partner can create anger and resentment toward both God and the loved one, because change was forced onto us

Physical effects
Diabetes, osteoporosis

Change the pattern
Do the Grieving and Forgiveness exercises

Anticipatory grief
See dread
Guide/Angel/TeacherDivine representative accompanying us throughout our life, and often referred to as our inner voice. The guides are subject to different spiritual laws than us, and do not enter human form while serving. They are not dead spirits; they are not our family members (or pets)who have passed away, although often when we sense our guide’s presence there is a feeling of unconditional love. The guides are entities who assist souls in physical form, and they communicate directly with the Universal Intelligence.

The guides lead us to the required life experiences that will present the lessons necessary for our soul's progression, and to help us achieve spiritual self-awareness.

Guides other than our personal companion guide do work with us, but the spiritual laws applying to them are different again - they are with us only on a temporary assignment basis. For example, the Archangels will assist in extreme situations by offering their energy and their profound wisdom, but they do not stay with us for our entire lifetime. Learn to meditate and connect with your guide. Check out Why don't our guides keep us from coming to harm? Visit Section 11
Guilt
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)
Feeling responsible for not meeting expectations, no matter whose they are - or - Excessive remorse for deeds either done or not done. Guilt requires punishment, so those with guilt over a past experience often meet negative experiences in the present - not because God wants to punish us, but because we expect punishment. Since the Universal Intelligence is responsive, our expectation manifests the negative experience.

Guilt is just as hurtful and damaging to us as any of the other negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. It can cause us much pain, and can cause us to behave in ways that are potentially harmful to many.

Guilt, condemnation, blame and remorse are interwoven, and keep us stuck in the past. It is well to remember always that we cannot change the past. We can only learn from it and use it to change the present. We can never be sure what the future holds; we only live now, and only now can be affected by our behaviour. See survivor's guilt

Parents may take on guilt for their children's actions. This can help no one; the parent suffers and the child fails to learn responsibility. See legacy guilt

Sounds like
Constantly apologizing or taking responsibility for anything that goes wrong

Change the pattern
Do the Forgiveness and Guilt-buster exercises
Guilt trips
(thought, behaviour)
People often lay guilt trips to manipulate and to get their own way, that is, to control others, but we also lay them on ourselves. As we know, guilt can make us do a lot of things that we would not normally do. It is a powerful motivator

Sounds like
"It is all your fault." "If you do not do what I ask, you are mean or selfish or you do not love me." "Remember how you hurt me in the past?" "A true friend would…" Statements like this are intended to make people feel that they have lost our approval so that they will struggle to regain it, usually by doing anything whatsoever that we ask

Change the pattern
Be honest, and ask for whatever it is that we want
Hatred
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Strong dislike of or feeling of hostility toward someone or something. See contempt

Spiritual effects
Responding with hatred shuts down any desire to seek understanding. Hatred can create intolerance, self-righteousness and, believe it or not, shame. Why shame? Because deep down inside we know that it is wrong to hate

Physical effects
Arthritis, eyes and vision issues, heartburn/indigestion, liver issues, sinus problems

Change the pattern
If we feel hatred toward someone, strive to learn the reasons for doing so. There are plenty of people out there who behave horribly, so there will be lots of “growth opportunities”. Remember: that which we dislike most about others is often within ourselves
Honesty
(thought, attitude)
Ability to confront Universal Truth - about self, about our experiences, about others. Without Universal Truth, we are left searching futilely for a way to explain why we have certain experiences or why we have certain behaviours
Humility
(thought, attitude)
We are all children of our Creator. We are all in differing stages of development. We are all capable of ANYTHING, given the proper circumstances. We are all equal in the eyes of the Universal Intelligence. Humans are not in charge of everything
Hypervigilance
(thought, attitude)
Those with this pattern become a victim of their own fears, believing that they are in ever-present danger. See fear of invasion

Spiritual effects
Chronic anxiety, unable or unwilling to trust or relax, to ever feel good enough, to set aside fear. Victims of abuse may (unconsciously) monitor their spoken words to remove any hint of independent thought or criticism of another so as to avoid punishment

Physical effects
Chronic shallow breathing, inability to concentrate, impaired learning

Change the pattern
Practice meditation and visit Wikihow to Learn to breathe better
Hypocrisy
(thought, attitude)
Holding higher moral standards for others than for self. Hypocrites love to point the finger at authority figures who lie, cheat, manipulate or abuse their power, yet happily excuse themselves. Until we change our own lying, cheating, manipulation and abuse of power, our leaders will continue to do the same

Spiritual effects
Arrogance, lots of blaming, judgment, criticism, condemnation, feeling like a victim, self-righteousness

Physical effects
Severe allergic reactions, chronic flatulence and/or sinusitis

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that we must not hold higher expectations for others than ourselves
Ignorance
(thought, attitude)
Free will choice to believe that we already know so we require no further understanding. Spiritual ignorance can cripple us and lead us to believe that there is only one place to learn about God, or that God no longer communicates with his human children. This can leave us relying on others' version of Truth

Physical effects
Prejudice, hatred, intolerance

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn self or another is to condemn Source
Inner conflict
(thought)
An inner conflict results when we believe information that disagrees with that which we know or fear to be true. The beliefs may have come from our parents or other authority figures, or we may have developed them on our own without input from anyone else. Either way though, there is likely to be unresolved anger. Defiant behaviour can result, with often devastating consequences.

Example: A child suffers abuse by a sibling. The child tells their caregiver that the sibling "hates me" but the caregiver says, "Don't be ridiculous. Your sibling loves you." The child knows this to be false, yet feels compelled to believe the caregiver. An inner conflict results, along with a belief system that says "love hurts". The child grows up craving loving relationships yet continually finds self in unhealthy relationships

Spiritual effects
Co-dependent relationships, low or unstable self-esteem, always distrusting self

Physical effects
Addiction, chronic disease, obsessive/compulsive behaviours

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn Universal truth about core belief systems to enable resolution
Insolence
(thought, attitude)
Belief that we know what is best while our authority figures are fools who do not have a clue. Can come from having received too little or too much attention from our caregivers when growing up. The insolent person often suffers from a lack of self-worth, which contributes greatly to their need to be in control of everything. They may use temper tantrums to get their way. See misanthropy

Sounds like
"I am smarter/better than everyone else", "Everyone should do whatever I want", "I can do whatever I want", "I do not have to do what anyone else says"

Spiritual effects
Arrogance, lack of respect for self and others

Physical effects
Bullying, eating disorders, intermittent explosive disorder, nose or sinus issues

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence brought all life into existence - to condemn self or another is to condemn Source
Isolation
(thought, behaviour)
Pattern of withholding communication as a punishment, without consideration for, or explanation to, others. While it is meant to punish self, it also hurts others (side benefit!). We hope they will see how much we are hurting and step in to soothe us. Can cripple our ability to have healthy relationships

The pattern says that we must avoid contact with anyone who has angered or hurt us or whose approval we think we have lost, including our guide

Spiritual effects
Abandonment, cold shoulder, depression, rejection, always waiting to feel like a victim again, lots of pity parties

Physical effects
Addictions, obsessive/compulsive behaviours, post-nasal drip, shingles, varicose veins

Change the pattern
Meditate to find the spiritual component of the behaviour. Do not allow self to give up on communicating
Jealousy
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Deep fear of losing someone’s approval, attention or affection. Can come low or unstable self-esteem, a fear of abandonment and/or an inability to trust. Can begin in childhood from receiving too little or too much attention from our caregivers

Sounds like
You are mine so you can never have any other relationships or interests

Spiritual effects
Co-dependent, toxic or wrecked relationships, resentment, hoarding

Physical effects
Liver disease, brain, breast or stomach cancer, digestive disorders

Change the pattern
Meditate, do the self-esteem exercise and visit WikiHow for how to overcome jealousy
Joy
(emotion)
Feelings of pleasure and delight that arise from within, especially when we have given unselfish service to another. Can also come when we are doing something about which we care deeply. We tell ourselves that an act of revenge will bring joy, but any act that harms another cannot bring true joy. Joy is often a casualty of stifling our strong emotions like anger and fear
Judgment
(thought, attitude)
Forming negative or positive opinions, sometimes after consideration, sometimes instantly. Reduce the habit by not assuming that we know others' motives

Spiritual effects
Hatred, intolerance, prejudice. Contributes to our love of fake news and gossip

Physical effects
All forms of arthritis, eyes and vision issues, heartburn/indigestion, high blood pressure

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that judgment leads to other poor spiritual choices like condemnation, contempt, control, criticism
Manipulation
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Pattern of using negative behaviour to get others do what we want because they might say no if we just ask. See control

One of the biggest issues facing humanity is our seeming inability to stop allowing ourselves to be manipulated by those who have something we want. We are so easily swayed by the idea of reward that we are unwilling or unable to just say “no”. Our desire (greed) for the reward makes us tell ourselves that deep down inside they are really kind and generous souls, that they really care about us, and that they want us to benefit from their position. Deep inside though, we know that we are simply using them

Looks like
Dawdling, procrastination, temper tantrums

Sounds like
Withholding communication, allowing our children to behave poorly in public places, baby talk, up-talk or whining, laying guilt trips, lying, asking favours in front of others, public shaming

Spiritual effects and consequences
Two things can happen if we accept their gift: We can feel gratitude, which compels a perverse loyalty, or we can feel guilt and shame for taking it. Either way though, we end up being manipulated - by our own dishonesty

Physical effects
Bladder problems, kidney problems, urinary tract infections

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the source of fear of expressing our needs or desires. Visit Wikihow for How to deal with a manipulative person

If we are doing it
STOP doing it! We are hurting others, but more importantly, we are hurting ourselves. Meditate to learn the real reason for the inability to be honest about our desires

If it is being done to us
Just say "no". Make do without whatever it is, or find an honest way to get it besides selling out. We need to accept the truth: They are trying to buy us. Meditate to learn the real reason for needing the approval of others. Do the Self-esteem exercise
Martyrdom
(thought, attitude)
Letting others know how much we have suffered and sacrificed in order to help them, or to serve God, with the intention of making them feel indebted to us

Spiritual effects
Habitual laying of guilt trips

Sounds like
Speaking in an artificially happy tone of voice

Physical effects
Back or shoulder issues

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that wanting others to be grateful for our help leads to other poor spiritual choices like condemnation, contempt, control, criticism, manipulation, self-righteousness
Meditation
(thought)
Meditation is communication - two-way communication - between us and the Universal Intelligence. It is the act of asking questions and then paying attention to our thoughts to hear the answers. Learn how. See prayer
Mercy
(thought, attitude)
Tendency to be kind, forgiving and sympathetic to those in difficult circumstances (including self). Being merciful does not mean rescuing someone by doing their work for them, because that can do more harm than good. It means being a non-judgmental listener, or giving information when invited to do so. See What is karma?

Note: Karmic debt we owe to others (and self) is forgiven as we treat others (and self) with mercy and grace rather than anger, greed, hatred, resentment or revenge. We can release karmic debt owed to us by others in the same way.
Misanthropy
(thought, attitude)
Believing the very worst about self or humanity and doing nothing about it because it would be pointless anyway, right? See distrust

Spiritual effects
Unlikely to have close, satisfying relationships

Physical effects
Chronic nose or sinus issues

If you know someone with this attitude
Have compassion for them. They are not doing it because they are happy

If you have this attitude
Come to peace with the idea that we are all in this school of life together, sometimes teaching, sometimes learning, sometimes stuck

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence communicates with us, and do the Self-esteem exercise
Misogyny
(thought, attitude, emotion, belief)
Loathing of females or defenseless creatures (by males or females), and believing that they can serve no useful purpose other than to reproduce

Spiritual effects
Abandonment, addictions, bullying, greed

Physical effects
Impotence, infertility, lactose (or food) intolerance, prostate issues

Change the pattern
Do the Forgiveness and Tolerance exercises
Obedience
(thought, attitude)
Asking God for guidance, waiting around long enough to hear it and then following it. In this case, obedience does not mean doing what another human tells you to do, or doing what they say God says you must do - it means following the instructions given to you by your own guide when you have asked for assistance from the Universal Intelligence. See Section 11
Observation mode
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
State of consciousness in which we simply observe, and pay attention to, all that is happening around us and within us, without judging any of it. Get there by practicing being centred
Optimism
(thought, attitude)
Thought pattern that says, "Things will get better." Results from choosing to live in the light of faith, hope and trust rather than the darkness of despair, dread and gloom. Optimism raises our vibrational frequency, thereby decreasing drag on our cells and enabling us to recover from traumatic events more quickly and fully.

Check out this ScienceDaly report, "After decades of research, a new study links optimism and prolonged life. Researchers have found that individuals with greater optimism are more likely to live longer and to achieve 'exceptional longevity,' that is, living to age 85 or older."
Overview effect
(thought)
Shift in spiritual awareness that occurs as we come to acknowledge certain truths. Chief among them: we are spiritual beings encased temporarily in physical matter, with the goal of learning the profound implications of unconditional love
Patience
(thought, attitude)
Ability to wait without having any negative thoughts, attitudes or emotions. In these days of almost instant gratification, we see more and more outbursts of rage - on roads, in airplanes, even simply standing in a lineup. It seems like we get angry over having to wait any longer than 30 seconds for whatever it is we are wanting. See self-importance

How to build patience
Use wait times as opportunities to practice being centred and focusing on what is happening around us and within us
Peace
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)
Inner peace
State of calm acceptance that becomes possible when we accept responsibility for our own choices or allow others the same privilege. Such acceptance becomes possible when we are free of the human desire to judge, criticise, condemn and control, because we recognize that we can only change ourselves.

World peace
How exactly could world peace come about? Unless it is forced upon us (a contradiction in terms), something will be required of us to bring it about. Many believe that a higher intelligence, or Jesus, or extraterrestrials, or maybe even a powerful politician, will bring peace to the planet and save humanity from the brink of destruction. How might it feel to have someone come along and tell us what to do? Maybe that higher intelligence will just tell the government what to do, and then everything will be all right - then we ourselves will not have to do anything differently.

What if that higher intelligence said that in order to save ourselves, we would have to forgive all who had harmed us in any way? Or that we would have to share our resources? How might we feel if that higher intelligence said we could not continue to hold onto contempt, intolerance, prejudice and/or resentment? What would - or could - we do? Would we be able to forgive completely? Who would decide territorial, relationship, criminal, legal, family and neighbourhood disputes once and for all? Think of it: every single dispute ON THE PLANET would need to be resolved for peace to exist.

Cause for hope
Although it may not seem so, the peoples of this planet are gradually evolving toward democratic peace. It is a very slow process, because after all, we all want what we want when we want it. As the knowledge and spirit of equality amongst we humans becomes more widespread though, peace will continue to escalate

How to build peace
Practice tolerance, read about war. Do the Forgiveness exercises. Visit Wikipedia and learn about Restorative Justice
Perfectionism
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Unable or unwilling to accept any person or thing that does not meet overly rigid standards, and a tendency to correct every little thing we say or do without a word of praise or appreciation. Nothing we do is ever quite good enough. When we place these standards upon another person, we are controlling, judging, criticising and condemning them. It is control when we in effect say, “You must do this my way, the right way, the only way.” It is judgment and criticism when we decide that they are doing it wrong, and condemnation when we decide to punish them in some way for their failure to do what we want, the way we want it done.

We use these standards to gain either our own or someone else's approval (even if they are not present). The pattern can begin early in childhood as a response to constant criticism from our caregivers for doing anything that does not meet their standards.

As annoying as the behaviour can be, try to feel compassion for perfectionists. After all, they are even more critical of themselves than they are of others. They have not yet learned that it is far better to strive for excellence than perfection

Looks like
"Fixing" what someone else has done just because we do not like the way it was done (It has to be done this way, my way, the right way.)

Sounds like
"If I don't do it, it won't get done right."

Spiritual effects
Always looking to catch others in an error; unable or unwilling to acknowledge that we just learned something new (because of course we already know everything)

Physical effects
Acne, arthritis, bunions, liver disease, obsessive/compulsive behaviours

Change the pattern
Meditate and do the Tolerance exercises
Pessimism
(thought, attitude)
Thought pattern that says things like, "What's the point - things will never work out the way I want anyway". Arises from having judged, criticised and condemned self, others, and/or the Universal Intelligence for failing to reward our efforts or give us that which we desire or feel we deserve. Pessimism decreases our vibrational frequency, thereby increasing drag on our cells and preventing us from recovering from traumatic events quickly and fully

Spiritual effects
Can begin as an act of revenge or spite. See passive/aggressive disorder

Physical effects
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours, chronic lower back pain and/or sciatica, eyes and vision issues, insomnia and other sleep disorders

Change the pattern
Know that we create our own reality. Expectation equals result
Petulance
(thought, attitude)
Childishly sulking to make everyone suffer for not giving us what we want. See blame, manipulation, spite, victim

Sounds like
"If you will not let me make all the rules and be the star, I will take my ball and go home. Then you will be sorry."

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn how this pattern developed. Read about greed, humility, sacrifice
Phobias
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)
Condition in which our fear of a particular experience is transferred onto one or more creatures, objects or activities, because that is safer than acknowledging the real cause. Phobias can also develop as a result of having felt a complete loss of control in a situation, such that one feels compelled to avoid potentially similar situations

Spiritual effects
Chronic dread and/or worry

Physical effects
Similar to the effects of long-term worry, but usually occurring upon encountering the dreaded object: heart, lung and skin disorders, nausea, as well as nervous behaviours like shaky hands, nail-biting, repetitive scratching, inability to concentrate or focus on the matter at hand, jerky movements

Change the pattern
Spiritually
Meditate to learn the underlying fear and its spiritual root cause, as well as the reasons for choosing to react to life in this particular way
Physically
Visit Wikihow and Learn to breathe better
Prayer
(thought, attitude)
Act of talking to the Universal Intelligence. It seems like we are always asking God (the Universal Intelligence, our Creator, the Source of all that is) for favours, as if God were a fairy godmother or a genie in a bottle; for example, heal me...heal someone else...keep someone alive...let someone die...make someone die...punish someone for me...let my team win the big game...let me win the lottery... Simply saying the words, "Thy will be done," can avoid much needless distress and worry. Many use prayer as a protection from evil or from the wrath of God. This is not prayer - this is ritual and superstition, which is nothing more than fear that has become habit. Instead of telling God what we want, try asking in meditation what we can do to gain profound life changes
Prejudice
(thought, attitude)
Accepting someone else’s judgment of another, rather than forming our own opinion based on our own experiences. See fake news, gossip

Change the pattern
Do the Self-esteem and Tolerance exercises
Pride
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Represents sense of self-value

Positive aspect
Sense of pleasure in an achievement. See joy

Negative aspect
Puffed up sense of self and our abilities or accomplishments, and attributing them only to self. See arrogance, ego, self-importance

Physical effects
Bloating
Procrastination
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
We put off doing that which we have agreed to do, and then wonder why we are nagged. The procrastination / nagging game can go on for years, with each person blaming the other for the situation

Spiritual effects
Avoidance, dawdling, passive/aggressive disorder, laziness

Physical effects
Chronic fatigue syndrome, ear and hearing problems, eye and vision disorders, memory problems, hypochondria

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn what we are trying to gain or create by avoiding doing that which we have agreed to do
Quantum entanglementCommonly known as karma, this spiritual system of checks and balances ensures repayment of all favours given and debts incurred throughout each of our incarnations. Once souls in physical form have interacted, they are connected across space and time until they understand - and forgive - their motives and actions taken or not taken. This information is recorded in the Akashic records, so our guide know exactly what is owed to whom. Repayment comes in the form of lessons, which are presented by each soul’s guide in the appropriate incarnation at the appropriate time. The system applies to individuals as well as groups, as can be seen in nations that continually battle one another. Until there is forgiveness, the warring will continue. See legacy guilt and legacy resentment
Rage
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Seething, explosive anger and fury. Can be directed at an individual or a group. See contempt, hatred, judgment, patience, tolerance
Rejection
(thought, behaviour)
Dismissing someone or something because of we consider them to be inferior or imperfect (see cold shoulder, isolation). Used as a punishment when we have judged, criticised and condemned someone or something. Rejection of a person can be a form of abandonment. Rejection of an idea can be a form of denial. When someone has rejected us, we can feel ashamed of our words, our actions or ourselves

Physical effects
Arthritis, nausea

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that rejection closes the door to communication
Repression
(thought)
Unable or unwilling to acknowledge that we have had a negative experience. This is a learned behaviour that can begin in very early childhood as a conscious choice, but develops into a seemingly unconscious reaction whenever experiencing strong emotions (denial)

Spiritual effects
Unexpected explosive rages

Physical effects
Addictions, digestive issues, obsessive/compulsive behaviours

Change the pattern
Do the Forgiveness exercises
Resentment
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Holding onto a deep-seated grudge against someone who has hurt or offended us. We can even get addicted to the high that comes from allowing our hurt to excuse us from behaving responsibly. Can become a habitual response to people or circumstances that do not meet with our approval

Sounds like
“I hate you and I will never forgive you”

Spiritual effects
Can create a chronic craving for revenge

Physical effects
Arthritis, bladder infections, digestion issues, heart disease, high blood pressure, lung issues, urinary tract infections

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that resentment hurts self as well as others. Check out legacy resentment
Respect
(thought, attitude)
Willingness to treat self and others with patience and tolerance, mercy and forgiveness, because we are all children of God. We are all in varying stages of spiritual development and we are all capable of greatness, or of making terrible choices. Being respectful helps us build healthy relationships; however, there is no guarantee of receiving respect back.

Looks and sounds like
Using another's possessions and/or taking their property without their permission, and then saying, "I thought you would not mind" is actually disrespect and a manipulative guilt trip, because it can shame the person into pretending not to mind. Failure to ask permission can stem either from fear that it might not be given or from the belief that we are somehow "entitled". See arrogance
Restorative justice
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
“…an approach to justice that personalizes the crime by having the victims and the offenders mediate a restitution agreement to the satisfaction of each, as well as involving the community. This contrasts to other approaches such as retribution, deterrence, rehabilitation, or incapacitation." Quote excerpted from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Restorative_justice

Check out forgiveness
Revenge
(thought, attitude, emotion, behaviour)
Deep need to retaliate against someone who has offended us by hurting someone/anyone/everyone as badly as we have been hurt. Can be a desire to teach someone a lesson they will never forget.

It may feel like hurting others is the only way to deal with our pain, but there is another way … forgiveness. However, forgiveness requires (and enables) us to stop allowing ourselves to react with resentment. Sharing our feelings is a great start toward changing the pattern because often offenders have no idea that their words or actions hurt us. At the very least, doing so can validate our experience, and may even open the door to new understanding.

World peace will be impossible until we as individuals stop wanting revenge. So let us not leave it up to the other guy, or the government, or other countries. Let us be the one to flex our forgiveness muscle

Sounds like
“I was hurt so it is okay for me to hurt anyone who gets in my way,” “What goes around comes around,” “Serves you right,” or “God will get you for this" or "God will hurt you for me”

Spiritual effects
Abandonment, cold shoulder, depression, obsessive/compulsive behaviours

Physical effects
Digestive issues, heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, lung problems

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that wanting revenge leads to other poor spiritual choices like criticism, condemnation, control, contempt, war
Sacrifice
(attitude)
Being willing to set aside our needs or beliefs in order to be of service to the Universal Intelligence. We often call it sacrifice if we help someone, even if we only do it because we are unable to say no. True sacrifice means giving up what we want to do, in favour of what the Universal Intelligence (through our guide in meditation) has asked, or not doing something we want to do because the Universe (through our guide in meditation) has asked that we not. Sometimes this means not stepping in to help someone unless we have been invited to do so
Sarcasm
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Words, even if not spoken aloud, that are intended to ridicule or harm self or others - under the guise of humour

Physical effects
Upper respiratory infections, speaking in a nasal tone of voice

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the reasons for the behaviour. Do the Self-esteem exercise
Scorn
(thought, attitude)
Treating someone as if they are not worthy of our respect. Results from having judged, criticised and condemned someone, and our scorn is the punishment. See contempt, self-righteousness

Looks like
Glaring at someone

Physical effects
Arthritis, heart disease, lung problems, eye or nose issues

Change the pattern
Do the Tolerance and Self-esteem exercises
Seeking of Truth and Understanding
(thought, attitude)
Being willing to confront Universal Truth about self, our experiences and our belief systems can lead us to full understanding, which enables us to release the past fully and with love. When we resent others, we can feel fully justified in not seeking any understanding at all about their possible motives or intentions for their words or actions. All too often though, they are not even aware that they have caused injury, and that is one of the reasons that forgiveness is so important
Self-aggrandizement
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Using others to further self and our own interests, under the guise of it being for their benefit. Greed is the true motivation

Sounds like
Pretending that what we advise others to do is to help only them, and may even hurt us. Selling a product under the false pretense that the buyer will benefit because of it, or will come to harm without it, when the only true reason for selling it is to benefit self

Spiritual effects
Chronic lying

Physical effects
Digestive issues, foot problems, heart issues

Change the pattern
See humility and do the Self-esteem exercise
Self-esteem
(thought, attitude)
Ability to accept our good, and our not-so-good, thoughts, attitudes, emotions, beliefs, desires and behaviours without judgment, criticism or condemnation

Healthy self-esteem goes hand in hand with self-respect. Low or unstable self-esteem prevents us from approving of self unless and until someone (usually an authority figure) first gives us their approval. Can also make us feel as if we must always do what others want us to do

Sounds like
Can be a constant fight with self: we do something and may think we did all right, but then wait for someone else to agree. If they tell us they do not like what we did, we immediately judge, criticise and condemn self - not only for having done a lousy job, but for having had the nerve to think we did well. We feel they have attacked us and we respond with anger, usually (but not always) directed at self. It is a short step then to a wave of depression

Spiritual effects
Co-dependent relationships, feeling like a victim, inability to say "no"

Physical effects
Ear and hearing issues, headaches, knee problems, nose and/or sinus issues, sciatica, upper respiratory infections

Change the pattern
Do the Self-esteem exercise. Check out How to build your self-confidence-- and spark it in others, a TED Talks presentation by Brittany Packnett Cunningham
Self-importance
(thought, attitude)
Belief that we are more deserving of attention than others, and that everything that happens to us is of the utmost importance to everyone. Can be the belief that we are flawless, or that everything that happens, be it an experience or even a conversation, is about us. Holding self in very high regard.

Pride and conceit are offshoots of ego and self-importance. Self-importance and self-condemnation often go hand-in-hand, because even if we feel proud of some of our accomplishments, we may also be ashamed of ourselves

Sounds like
What about me? Me, me, me. I want to tell you about me and my family, or friends, or pets, or job, or hobbies, or experiences; anything, so long as I do not have to listen to anything about you. See babbling, narcissism

Physical effects
Chronic flatulence, dizziness/vertigo

Change the pattern
Do the Self-esteem exercise
Self-interest
(thought, attitude)
Using others for our benefit, with regard only for self. See self-aggrandizement

Physical effects
Digestive issues

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn and resolve the reasons for feeling deprived, ignored or neglected
Self-righteousness
(thought, attitude)
Belief that self is morally pure and beyond reproach, in comparison against someone whom we have judged as being less than perfect. No one can escape life on earth without having harmed another, either physically or emotionally, whether intentionally or accidentally. We are all souls in human form, sometimes doing well and sometimes doing poorly

Sounds like
I would never hurt anyone the way you have hurt me - or - God will punish you, but he will forgive me - or - At least I am not like that person

Physical effects
High cholesterol, eye and vision issues, sepsis

Change the pattern
Do the Forgiveness exercises
Shame
(thought, emotion)
Feelings of embarrassment, guilt and remorse that come upon learning that we are not perfect

Chronic shame
Can result from child abuse or unresolved traumatic events

Sounds like
It is all my fault and I should be punished. I am bad and everyone knows

Spiritual effects
Addiction, chronic fear or even anxiety that we will be found out, habitual self-isolation, obsessive/compulsive behaviours, PTSD, suicide ideation, survivor's guilt, feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt and/or low or unstable self-esteem

Physical effects
Eating disorders, skin disorders

Change the pattern
Do the Self-esteem, Grieving and Forgiveness exercises
Should
(thought, attitude)
Control word used to let someone know that we know what is best, and that they do not have a clue. Before telling someone else what they should do, consider how it feels to be on the receiving end of uninvited advice

Physical effects
Alzheimer's disease, Bell's palsy, cerebral palsy, epilepsy, fibromyalgia, high cholesterol, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson's disease, sciatica, shingles, stroke

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn the source of our desire/need to be in charge. Asking questions to help others find their own best options or solutions is a great way to start changing the pattern
Silent rebellion
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Actions taken when feeling completely powerless to improve our on-going emotional plight. The actions need only have the effect of shocking, annoying or repelling others. Examples (in no particular order): laziness, poor posture, wearing too much perfume, refusing to bathe, wearing dirty, ill-fitting or revealing clothing, wearing garish makeup, getting tattoos and/or body piercings, styling one's hair to be shocking, hoarding. These actions are satisfying by virtue of their ability to create emotional chaos for others.

The alternative, addressing the issue directly, is not even a possibility because of the belief that it would be pointless because they will always win, no matter what. The fear is that discussion could even make things worse, if that were possible.

When someone feels so impotent that they resort to silent rebellion, they can feel that there is no point in doing anything at all - and certainly no point in doing it well. They have lost hope that conditions will ever change, and they have learned that nothing they do will ever have a positive outcome. It may feel like a miracle to them that they are even able to get up out of bed each day. The COVID-19 pandemic has provided a new opportunity for those wishing to defy authority figures. Anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers, anti-"sciencers' seem to delight in their defiance, yet clearly they are not happy.

This complete and utter despair results from constant judgment, criticism and condemnation from an authority figure or a loved one. No matter what they say or do, that person will never give their approval, so of course they have no dreams, for what would be the point? They will just get dumped on anyway, so they see no reason to even try.

The frustration continues until they finally figure out a way to get back at those they feel have created this condition. Then it is, "Aha, I have it!" and they are on their way to repeating self-destructive behaviours. Since they have finally taken action, their anger and frustration magically go away and that is all that really matters.

Change the pattern
As difficult as it can be to stop needing approval from others, that is exactly what is needed to start changing the pattern. Start living for self, instead of living to hear from someone else that we are okay. Of course the loved one will not like this change and may do everything in their power to make things go back to the way they were, so it is important to be strong and know that we need no one's approval but our own. The sooner we come to peace with this truth, the sooner we can get on with our lives and become who we were meant to be. Do the Self-esteem exercise
Sniping
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Taking every single opportunity to point out another’s flaws to make her or him feel bad and/or to make self feel big and powerful, especially, but not necessarily, in front of others. Sniping is judgment, criticism and condemnation, and a passive/aggressive act of revenge. It is not done out of a desire to help someone

Change the pattern
Do the How to stop sniping exercise
Soul mate
(thought, belief)
Belief that we are incomplete until we find the specific person whom the Universal Intelligence created only for us. In fact, there is no such person. We were created as individual souls, whole and complete. We each belong to a family of souls, and we may experience a feeling of familiarity when meeting other members. This feeling can also result from past life associations with people, so check with your guide if you are curious

Spiritual effects
Co-dependent relationships, feeling like a victim

Change the pattern
See confirmation bias, do the self-esteem exercise and check out Will I ever find my soul mate?
Spiritual self-awareness
(thought)
Ability to know why we think the things we think and believe the things we believe and, especially, why we do the things we do. Beyond being aware of self as an individual person, spiritual self-awareness also means being aware of self as an individual soul among countless trillions, each with an unbreakable connection to Source. This includes awareness of our soul name, our soul’s purpose during our current incarnation and our guide. See Section 11
Spite
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Act of harming self in the hope that the one(s) who hurt us will notice and then feel guilty for what they have done or not done (non-verbal guilt trip)

Sounds like
"I refuse to enjoy life because of the way you treated me"

Spiritual effects
Choosing to live life in misery or deprivation; returning a cherished gift to its original owner; or thoughts of abandonment and/or suicide ideation

Physical effects
Digestive issues, heart disease, high cholesterol, lung problems, nose or sinus issues

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that the desire for revenge leads to other poor spiritual choices like condemnation, contempt, control, criticism. Check out legacy resentment
Status quo bias
(thought, attitude)
Needing to avoid any change, at any cost. It arises from a fear of change since no matter how unpleasant our current situation, the fear says that changing anything might make matters even worse. So we go on as we always have, wishing for change but seemingly unable to do anything to help ourselves. We end up being our own victim

Spiritual effects
Strong need to be in control, depression, chronic frustration, accident proneness, unresolved grief

Physical effects
Anemia, unstable blood pressure, cancer, varicose veins

Change the pattern
Meditate to gain self-acceptance and visit WikiHow to learn How to deal with change
Stress
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Self-imposed punishment for having judged, criticised and condemned self to be a failure. The condemnation, the sentence, is harming ourselves in some way, either spiritually or physically. See PTSD

Spiritual effects
Withholding from self whatever it is that we most want

Physical effects
Addictions, high blood pressure, insomnia, obsessive/compulsive disorder

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn your triggers
Suppression
(thought)
Conscious choice to keep our thoughts, attitudes and emotions about painful experiences hidden from others. Can begin as an act of spite. As with repression, keeping everything bottled up inside can create the need for mood-altering substances or habits. Can prevent us from forming deep, emotional bonds or meaningful relationships

Physical effects
Obsessive/compulsive behaviours

Change the pattern
Meditate to find and resolve the root cause of the behaviour, plus do the Grieving exercise
Survivor's Guilt
(thought, attitude, emotion)
Crippling condition creating much pain, discomfort and negativity, to which we can become addicted. Losing loved ones through death caused by any means can create survivor's guilt. Remaining healthy when a loved one becomes unwell can also create it, as can growing up as the normal child in a family with a special needs child. Also, some Christians believe that since Christ died on the cross for them, they must prove their appreciation by inflicting pain upon themselves

Sounds like
Since finding enjoyment in life could be seen as a betrayal of the loved one or of the family, or as a failure to punish self enough, our thoughts might say, "I cannot/will not ever succeed. Nothing of lasting benefit can or will come from me. There cannot/will not be any joy in my life. If something good does happen, I cannot/will not celebrate. I cannot/ will not contribute to a society that allowed (whatever) to happen."

Those suffering from survivor’s guilt may tell themselves (and others) that their deceased loved one was much more worthy to be alive than they; however, being alive is not a question of worthiness; it is not a reward. Coming into physical form is a part of the entire experience of those souls who do so

Remember that God does not ever judge, criticise or condemn us, and that our loved one's experiences were a part of their path. We cannot walk their path for them. We must allow them the dignity of ownership. We must not use their experiences as an excuse for failing to live well, or for holding onto resentment or for seeking vengeance, or for punishing self

Physical effects
Depression, heart disease, lung problems

Change the pattern
Meditate to learn that the Universal Intelligence is in charge of matters of life and death. Then meditate to learn your true life purpose
Temper tantrums
(behaviour)
Pattern of behaving like an undisciplined child to get our way, to control others, or to divert attention. Anger may or may not necessarily be triggering the behaviour. See aggressive/passive behaviour

Looks like
Throwing objects, using violence toward self or another, ranting and raving, stomping around, suicide-related communication, using the cold shoulder, refusing to abide by COVID-19 public health best practices (see silent rebellion)

Sounds like
"Why can’t you ever …" or "Why do I always have to …" or "I want …"

Change the pattern
Meditate to identify the cause of the pattern and resolve the inner conflict creating it. Visit Wikihow for How to stop temper tantrums, If an adult is doing it and If a child is doing it
ThoughtsFor purposes of this website, the following meanings are used:

Thoughts - ideas formed into language using words, images or symbols, that may or may not be spoken aloud. Our thoughts produce our attitudes, emotions, beliefs, desires and behaviours

Attitudes - arise from our thoughts and belief systems

Emotions - arise from our thoughts and attitudes, albeit at lightning fast speed. It can seem as though we feel emotions first and then have a thought, but this is not so

Belief systems (or 'beliefs') - stories we use to justify our thoughts, attitudes, desires and behaviours

Desires - things we tell ourselves that we need or want, resulting from our thoughts, attitudes and beliefs

Behaviours - actions we take as a result of our thoughts, attitudes, emotions, beliefs and desires
Tolerance
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
Ability to observe people or to have certain experiences without having negative thoughts, attitudes or emotions. Intolerance creates much of the turmoil on this planet. As souls in human form, we face many spiritual challenges. Chief among them is the temptation to hate. If we as individuals fail to grasp the lesson that all are equally loved by the Universal Intelligence, the spiritual laws of reincarnation and karma will ensure that we return to try, try again. Failure of groups and nations to “get it” creates negative societal patterns such as legacy guilt and legacy resentment. Until the many issues dividing us are resolved, until we allow forgiveness into our lives, we will be unable to meet our full potential

Change the pattern
Reduce intolerance by doing the Forgiveness and Tolerance exercises
Toxic relationshipThis is a relationship in which neither person can thrive, and each claims the other is the problem. Neither is prepared to let go of their position; neither will apologize and neither will forgive; both think the other is infuriatingly stubborn and/or controlling; and, most of all, that they are just plain wrong.

Perhaps the biggest frustration in toxic relationships is that we are unable to fix them, or even get out of them without being consumed with guilt, resentment and remorse. We tell ourselves that it would be mean and cruel to leave, so we keep trying to get the other person to change; but of course, nothing works. Since we cannot make anyone else change, or even want to change, change is up to us

Change the pattern
Do the Forgiveness and Self-esteem exercises. Let go with love. To fix a relationship requires much work and dedication from both sides, and this is not possible when both parties feel that it is the other who needs to change. In this case, it can be preferable to let the relationship go. The challenge is to do so without holding onto any negativity; this means no guilt, no anger, and no regrets.

It also means not repeatedly returning to the relationship to try, try again. God does not condemn us for being wise enough to know when it is time to stop trying and let go.

Here are some steps to take that, while they may not fix a relationship, can help us to move on and begin living in peace:
  • Let go of the need to prove the other wrong (self-righteousness)
  • Let go of the need to be apologized to (humility)
  • Let go of the need for revenge (forgiveness)
  • Let go of feeling fully responsible (guilt), yet acknowledge our part in the relationship, and forgive ourselves as well as the other party
  • Let go of the need to receive permission from anyone to make change in your life
Traumatic events
Prior incarnation trauma
Any event that causes physical or emotional pain is considered by the Universal Intelligence to be traumatic for us. While some events are less traumatic than others; this does not lessen their impact, especially for children or those reliant on others to provide understanding about what has happened. Without understanding, grieving and forgiveness, resolution is not possible. Unresolved trauma can affect us throughout our entire lifetime contributing to addiction, obsessive/compulsive behaviours, and chronic disease.

Here are just a few childhood events that are often trivialized by caregivers, that can affect us throughout our lives: becoming lost, suffering sibling abuse, having to vie for caregivers’ attention, new child entering the family without advance notice or preparation, being falsely accused of wrongdoing, being criticised for having normal human emotions or bodily functions. See PTSD, visit Section 2. Watch "How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime", a TED Talks presentation by Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris. Check out this article from SciTechDaily "Childhood abuse linked to higher risk for high cholesterol..."

Prior incarnation trauma
When those who experience life-ending trauma reincarnate, conscious (or unconscious) memories of prior life trauma can manifest as diseases or conditions or even night terrors. Their new caregivers have the opportunity to help them to resolve issues carried over from the past life
Trust
(thought, attitude)
Knowledge that our Creator loves us unconditionally, that everything required for our learning will be provided, and that each and every experience is given to help us learn how to love ourselves and others unconditionally
Unconditional Love
(emotion)
Acceptance without conditions (a lack of negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions). We are loved unconditionally by the Universal Intelligence. There is nothing we have to do, nothing we have to change, in order to be loved by God. Universal energy registers in us as unconditional love.

Believing that God judges us is to believe that the love is conditional, and this is impossible and untrue because judgment, criticism, and condemnation impose conditions.

Unconditional love can be seen as "tough love", because it allows us to experience all things. It tests us by allowing physical consequences for our spiritual choices. It allows us to feel pain; it allows us to cause pain. See free will
Universal IntelligenceAlthough called many names by humans (Universal Intelligence, The Universe, Creator, Source, Singularity, God, Allah, Yahweh, Heavenly Father or Mother, Great Spirit, They, It, Her or Him), it is itself nameless because no one created it. It manifesting as the Source of everything. It is vast energy: deeply intelligent, responsive, creative, unconditionally loving, energy. When connecting with it, we may feel an upwelling of emotion that literally brings tears to our eyes. We know then that everything is ok; there is nothing we need to do or change. We are loved unconditionally. Nothing exists in physical without first having existed in thought. Think about it
Universal truthInformation that is free from negative thoughts, attitudes or emotions, and that is logical and straightforward. As we grow in spiritual understanding, it becomes easier to recognize the differences between Universal truth and our human truth. Problems arise when belief systems based in human truth collide with universal, truth. See confirmation bias, echo chamber
Vibrational frequencyEvery atom in the universe, including each and every soul, vibrates at a specific frequency. It was set at the time of creation, but is not static - it rises or lowers during physical incarnation, according to our negative or positive reactions to our life experiences. Our aim as souls is to return to our original state of profound spiritual awareness and unconditional love. Inner child work and spiritual decluttering enable this. See Section 11
Victim
(thought, attitude, behaviour)

Pity parties
Thought pattern that says that we have no power to change our life situation, or to protect self from others' negative words or actions, or that anything negative in our life has been caused by anyone or anything but self, or that there is no protection from all the dangers that exist in the world. While we cannot change past events, we can change our reactions to them and thereby change our future. This pattern can often be traced to a traumatic childhood experience that has not been understood or resolved, which prevents it from being released.

The pattern can also result from our caregivers being over- or under-protective. Feeling like a victim means that we are blaming others and giving away our power. Being a victim of a crime can also be one of our many required life lessons. It is important to work through our thoughts, attitudes and emotions surrounding the event, seeking understanding and practicing forgiveness. While we cannot change past events, we can change our reactions to them and thereby change our future

Pity parties
Chronic need to tell anyone who will listen, how everyone has hurt us, everyone is better off than us, nothing ever works out for us, nobody likes us, everyone is always taking advantage of us, etc. See denial, martyrdom, aggressive/passive behaviour, passive/aggressive disorder

Physical effects
Anemia, athlete's foot, cancer, Crohn's disease, HIV / AIDS, hypochondria, knee problems, rheumatoid arthritis, varicose veins

Change the pattern
See What is our spiritual diet? and do the Grieving and Self-esteem exercises
War
(thought, attitude, behaviour)
To fully understand why war exists, we must acknowledge the negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions within self, and know that they cause us to behave in negative ways. Holding a grudge against someone is the first step toward war on a personal level. We justify our feelings by saying that the person or people we resent deserve it because somehow they are less than human; they do not deserve our respect; they deserve to suffer.

Corrupt political leaders are no different than us. They want what they want when they want it, so they take it. War on a larger scale begins when someone says they cannot have it. The population is dragged into their temper tantrum, along a path of wanton fury. The leader says it is for the citizens' benefit (self-aggrandizement). Another society is then forced to take on the role of parent to stop them

Sounds like
  • On a personal level
    Stealing from a corporation by making false or inflated insurance claims, using someone's possessions or property without their permission, etc.
  • On a national level
    Subjecting segments of a population to various forms of control or extinction
  • On an international level
    Forcibly taking over the lands of another domain, subjecting its inhabitants to various forms of control or extinction

Change the pattern
Read about legacy guilt and legacy guilt. Do all of the spiritual exercises in Section 9. Visit Wikipedia and read about Restorative Justice
Worry
(thought, attitude)
Busy thoughts: wondering how everything will turn out; trying to plan everything; wondering what others are thinking; wondering how others will react to our actions.

Worry is often used as a means of control over our loved ones and indicates that judgment, criticism and condemnation have taken place. For example, saying we are worried about someone is like saying that we think they are incapable of doing the right thing, that we think they will come to some harm if they continue doing whatever it is they are doing.

Those in co-dependent relationships often worry about their partner. They say they are concerned that their loved one will come to some harm, but the real worry is about self. This is not love - this is control

Sounds like
What if... If I do this, then he/she will do... If I do this, then he/she will think...

Spiritual effects
Anxiety, distress, dread

Physical effects
Alopecia, baldness, digestive issues, ear and hearing issues, insomnia, nail-biting, nose bleeds, chronic pain

Change the pattern
Do the How to stop worrying exercise

Terms

Hover mouse over items for a brief description

 A    B    C    D    E     F    G    H    I    J    K   L  
 M 
  N    O    P    Q    R    S    T    U    V    W 

A Abandonment
Anger
Anxiety
Anticipatory grief
Arrogance
At least
Attribution bias
Authority figure
Avoidance
B Basic spiritual needs
Belief systems
Blame
Bullying
C Child abuse
Co-dependent relationship
Compassion
Complacency
Condemnation
Confirmation bias
Contempt
Control
Criticism
D Defiance
Déjà vu
Denial
Distress
Distrust
Double standard
Dread
E Echo chamber
Ego
Embarrassment
Envy
Evil
F Faith
Fake news
Fear
Fear of abandonment
Fear of change
Fear of commitment
Fear of confrontation
Fear of contamination and/or disease
Fear of death and dying
Fear of failure or of success
Fear of intimacy
Fear of invasion
Fear of looking stupid
Fear of negative energies
Fear of retribution
Fear of telling the truth
Fear of the unknown
Feedback loop
Finally
Flat tire
Forbearance
Forgiveness
Free will
G Gossip
Grace
Gratitude
Greed
Grief
Guide/Angel/Teacher
Guilt
Guilt trips
H Hatred
Honesty
Humility
Hypervigilance
Hypocrisy
I Ignorance
Inner conflict
Insolence
Isolation
J Jealousy
Joy
Judgment
M Manipulation
Martyrdom
Meditation
Mercy
Misanthropy
Misogyny
O Obedience
Observation mode
Optimism Overview effect
P
Patience
Peace
Perfectionism
Pessimism
Petulance
Phobias
Prayer
Prejudice
Pride
Prior incarnation trauma
Procrastination
Q Quantum entanglement
R
Rage
Real-time déjà vu
Rejection
Repression
Resentment
Respect
Restorative justice
Revenge
Reverse abandonment
S Sacrifice
Sarcasm
Scorn
Seeking of truth and understanding
Self-aggrandizement
Self-esteem
Self-importance
Self-interest
Self-righteousness
Shame
Should
Silent rebellion
Sniping
Soul mate
Spiritual self-awareness
Spite
Status quo bias
Stress
Suppression
Survivor's guilt
T Temper tantrums
Thoughts
Tolerance
Toxic relationship
Traumatic events
Trust
U Unconditional love
Universal intelligence
Universal truth
V Vibrational frequency
Victim
W War
Worry

top of list of terms  |  top of page  |  Site contents
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© Copyright: Sheila A. McBeath 1999-2022  
All Rights Reserved     ISBN  978-1-7753521-2-9
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