- Identify
a negative behaviour (overeating, addictions, chronic
lateness or lying,
nagging, etc.)
- Find
its root cause (Was the pattern learned from a
caregiver? Did it start with the intention of
making someone angry?)
- Recall the childhood
experience along with all the thoughts,
attitudes and emotions that occurred when
it happened. By remembering the first
time we ever had a particular thought or
emotion and under what circumstances it
came, we can begin to validate our
experiences
- Gain full understanding
about why it happened. As adults, we can
look at our childhood experiences and
find understanding that is not possible
for young children. This is not to place
blame, but to recognize that everyone who
was a part of the experience played an
active (or inactive) role in it
- Grieve
- Feel the emotions and
think the thoughts that were suppressed
or repressed at the time of the event.
Grieve the losses that were felt as a
child. Say the angry thoughts out loud,
if possible. Cry, cry, cry. Let it all
out, as scary as that may sound, for
crying is an important part of the
healing process. Acknowledge the pain or
cruelty that was suffered, without
understating the importance of it. The
events were important, for they have made
us who we are today. It does not matter
whether anyone else thinks that our
experiences were easier or worse than
theirs were. What is important is that
they happened to us, and they hurt us.
All of our experiences have helped to
create all the thoughts, attitudes and
emotions, belief systems and inner
conflicts that we have now
- Forgive
self and others for its occurrence
- Let
go of the experience, thereby letting go of the
need to endlessly replay the memory and repeat
the negative behaviour
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| Our
belief systems help to create our behaviours, but where
do our beliefs come from? They begin early in childhood
and become more and more entrenched as we grow and
develop. What sorts of experiences can create them? Well,
an emotionally absent parent can leave a child feeling
unworthy, unimportant and unwelcome. A smothering parent
can leave a child feeling helpless, witless, incompetent
and incapable. A parent who smothers one child yet
ignores another can leave the ignored one feeling pretty
insignificant, and the smothered child fares no better!
Inner child work can root out the negative belief systems
(and thoughts, attitudes and emotions) and find the
Universal Truth about them, rather than what we have come
to accept as truth. Looking back on our childhood as
adults, we can recall the thoughts that we had as young
children and find validation. Many of the
experiences we have as children are written off by our
caregivers as being unimportant, or even worse, the Truth
of the experiences becomes wrapped in their
denial. It's up to us to validate ourselves. Doing so
enables us to become strong, confident individuals. Some belief
systems can actually prevent our guide from answering:
If for example we ask a question and no answer comes,
it's because we're in the way somehow. We might have a
belief system like:
- "No
one will answer me because there's no one
there"
- "I'm
not worthy to receive communication"
- "I'm
not capable of receiving communication"
- "I
already know what this means"
If you
have one or more of these belief systems, rest assured
that there is definitely someone there, you are worthy
and you are capable.
If you
believe that you already know the answer, you will not be
disappointed. The spiritual law of Free Will prevents our
guides from interfering with our beliefs.
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