Automatic responses
The key to changing our automatic responses to our daily life experiences is to discover our reasons for choosing to respond the way we do. Those reasons can be found deep within our childhood memories and require focused effort to reveal. Inner child work is the practice of recovering the memories and resolving the issues they created. This initiates the spiritual decluttering process. Begin by building a relationship with your inner child, and then with your guide. See Section 8 if you need help to recall details about your childhood.
Order from chaos
When our thoughts are filled with negativity (chaos), it can be challenging to find peace and calm (order). When something is worrying or angering us, it can be almost impossible to stop thinking about it. The thought keeps endlessly repeating and after a while, we may not even hear it anymore - but it is still repeating. Without resolution, these often-repeated thoughts create accidents, illness and chronic confusion for us by lowering our vibrational frequency and keeping us stuck in feedback loops, to say nothing of creating karmic situations.
Resolving our inner conflicts frees our conscious mind to dwell in the current moment. We can focus on the matter at hand and this improves our memory, our ability to concentrate, and our ability to solve problems.
Figure 07: Chaotic thoughts, attitudes and emotions
Build a relationship with your Inner Child
Start doing things to support and honour yourself and to encourage self-expression. Do the things that you loved to do (or wished you could do) as a child: drawing, colouring, finger-painting, running, playing skip-rope or hopscotch, hula-hooping, writing in a diary, or whatever gave you comfort and/or joy. Use your imagination. These activities will help your inner child to feel acknowledged, respected, safe and secure. Aim to do this at least once or twice per each week, even if only for 30 minutes or an hour. Whatever you do, try to memorialize your thoughts and experiences by journaling.Figure 08: The process of inner child work
Recall the thoughts, attitudes and emotions that you felt when it happened. Recall the decision that said, "I am going to (fill in the blank)". This could be something as simple as “I am never going to cry again” or as complex as “I am not worthy of respect or love” or “I am bad”. The decision you made then is the root cause that continues to create negativity in your life because it was made without understanding. Unresolved experiences tend to replay in our thoughts as we continually try to figure out why they happened. We get triggered whenever we are reminded either of the event, or of the conclusion we drew from it. Inner child work enables us to learn our motivations and validates our painful experiences. It also helps us to see that we were not solely responsible for their occurrence because after all, as children, we are simply not responsible.
Work with your guide to gain full understanding about why the event happened, why you reacted in the way that you did, and why you continue doing the behaviour. As adults, we can look at our childhood experiences and find understanding that is not possible for young children. This is not to place blame, but to accept responsibility for our part and to recognize that, as children, we were not solely responsible for their occurrence.
Grieve the losses it has caused
The third step is to feel the emotions and think the thoughts that could not be expressed as a child. Grieve the losses that were felt, and say the angry thoughts out loud, if possible. Cry, cry, cry. Let it all out, as scary as that may sound, for crying is an important part of the physical (and spiritual) healing process. Unresolved, repressed or suppressed issues create harmful toxins in the body and crying provides an escape route for them. Acknowledge the pain that made us choose to react the way we did, without understating its importance.
These events were important, for they have made us who we are today. It does not matter whether anyone else thinks that our experiences were easier or worse than theirs. What is important is that they happened to us, they hurt us, they were traumatic for us. All our experiences have helped to create all the thoughts, attitudes and emotions, beliefs and inner conflicts that we have now, that are creating our negative behaviours.
Forgive
The fourth step is to forgive, both self and others. This is a crucial action. Without forgiveness, we remain stuck in the past, constantly replaying unresolved experiences in our thoughts, hoping that somehow we will be able to figure out why they happened, or that we will be able to magically transcend the experience just by remembering it.
Food for thought
Doing this work enables true ‘freedom of thought’ because we free ourselves from repeating the thought patterns that create negative life patterns.
Achieve peace
The final step is to appreciate the peace that comes from resolving an issue. Revel in it, and use the satisfaction as a reason to keep on working on yourself. Then it will be time to identify another negative behaviour and repeat the process.
Doing this self-work changes the ways in which we interact with others, and our family and friends may be less than enthusiastic when uninvited change is thrust upon them. However, do not wait for anyone’s permission or approval before starting this work. This is your life; this is your choice; only you may decide what is right for you.
Identify another negative behaviour
Identify another negative behaviour and repeat the process. After all, we all have more than one bad habit. The reasons for our behaviours are multiple and intertwined, so there is always more understanding to be gained. Keep working toward inner peace and enlightenment.
Not doing this work puts us at risk for developing many chronic diseases, but don’t just take my word for it. Science is now proving that traumatic childhood experiences impact our health in adulthood.
Our core belief systems are incredibly powerful. Our self-esteem depends on them; they determine how we interpret and experience life. We begin forming them in childhood and our innate confirmation bias ensures that we continue to find them to be true.
Inner child work roots out negative or inaccurate beliefs (and thoughts, attitudes and emotions) and reveals the Universal Truth about them, rather than what we have come to accept as truth. Looking back on our childhood as adults, we can recall the thoughts we had as young children and find validation. Here is an example of what can happen if inner conflicts are left unresolved:
Self-test
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