Apologizing
Apologizing, along with making amends (check out Restorative Justice), enables us to release guilt. After doing the Apologizing exercises, proceed to Releasing guilt.

How can we tell if we are feeling guilty about something?
Pay attention to our thoughts and words. Habitually saying words like, "I am so bad" or "I do not deserve nice things" can indicate guilt. Another way to find out is to get centred and ask your guide "What am I feeling guilty about?" Then listen to your thoughts - the guides can replay long-forgotten experiences that continue to affect us negatively.

Exercise 1
The goal of this exercise is to apologize meaningfully, to face up to our role in whatever happened. Apologizing is a tool to help us regain respect - both from others and from ourselves. To do it, simply be willing. Sounds too simple, right? But it really is just that easy.

• Ask for assistance.
• Get centred.
• Think of someone we have harmed. This should only take a moment or two; any longer than that can indicate an attitude of self-righteousness or feelings of shame.
• Ask our guide to help us understand our behaviour and our choices, that is, why did we do - or not do - whatever it was that caused harm?

What does it feel like to offer a sincere apology?
Sometimes it can feel as though a great weight has been lifted from our shoulders. We might feel like laughing or crying, or maybe like dancing, or maybe as though we have a new source of energy. Aches and pain can stop, sometimes immediately. Note: Habitually saying "I'm sorry" for anything that ever goes wrong is not meaningful apologizing.

How often should this be done?
Apologize and make amends whenever we fail or harm someone (including self), before shame and despair set in and before the need for self-punishment becomes irresistible.

Self-test
Think of the person to whom we are apologizing. Try to picture them in our mind's eye. Do we feel differently than we did before this exercise? If not, then the exercise is not yet complete. Meditate to learn more information about the situation. The exercise is complete when we can think about the person and the situation without having any negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions.

Action
After apologizing to several people in meditation, advance to Apologizing Exercise 2. Whatever happens, try to record the experiences in a journal.

Exercise 2
Now that we have apologized in our heart, it is time to put it on paper. Write down whatever we feel needs to be said to express our regret to the person we have harmed, and tell them that we would like to make amends.

If the person is no longer in our life but we do not wish to re-open a toxic or co-dependent relationship, hold a private ceremony to dispose of the letter. Just try to be sure about the reasons for not wanting them in our life; try to be sure that it is not because we are still angry. If the person is still involved in our life, and if we feel right about doing so, mail the letter to them or call and read it to them.

Action
Leave it up to them to decide what to do about our apology. It is their choice whether to forgive us. If they choose not to forgive, that is okay. We have done what we need to do to move forward, so let it (and them) go. Be sure to record your experience in your journal. Remember, apologizing is like a muscle, and exercising it will help to ensure strong spiritual health. Holding onto guilt helps no one. Refusing to apologize can create all sorts of health problems for us.

Apologizing  |  Releasing guilt  |  Forgiveness  |  Grieving  |  How to raise Self-esteem  |  How to stop Sniping  |  How to build Tolerance  |  How to stop Worrying

Releasing guilt (Guilt-buster)
Do this exercise in conjunction with the Apologizing exercises.

Feeling guilty?
Wouldn’t it be great to live life free of guilt and shame? Is that even possible? Yes, but it takes time and lots of practice to change old thought patterns like guilt.

Find the source of guilt
The first step toward living a guilt-free life is to identify the exact cause of our guilt. Was it something we did or did not do, or something we said or did not say?

Get centred and in a state of listening. Ask for assistance from the Universal Intelligence. From that centred space, think of someone we think we have hurt - could even be ourselves. Ask the Universe to help us understand our reasons for making the choices we made. They likely formed in early childhood as our particular ways of dealing with life. Understanding our actions along with apologizing to the injured party should enable the release of guilt and shame.

What can happen when we do this?
Our pain can stop, sometimes immediately. Changing our automatic responses is likely to take some time though, so patience with self is crucial. Sometimes we will behave in the new way, sometimes the old, but the frequency of responding the old way will gradually decrease.

How often should this be done?
This should be done as soon as we find out that we have failed or harmed someone, before shame and despair set in; before the need for self-punishment becomes irresistible. Understanding why we feel guilt can enable us to come to terms with our so-called failures. If we really did cause harm to someone or something, then we need to acknowledge our role in the experience and do what we can to make amends. Sometimes apologizing is sufficient, but we should also be prepared to provide Restorative Justice. The final step toward living guilt-free is to admit our mistakes and make amends before we start to feel that we are “bad” and deserve to be punished.

Notes
Sometimes we might apologize to someone who chooses not to forgive us. What then? Does that mean we should hold onto guilt? No. Choosing whether to forgive us is up to them, just as choosing whether to forgive ourselves is up to us.

Sometimes we feel guilty even though we were not responsible for something that happened. This happens all the time, especially with young children. In that case, we need to find out or figure out who really was responsible and then deal with the new information so that we can let the experience go. Grieving and forgiveness are crucial if we are to find our true selves, our true life path and gain profound spiritual awareness. See Section 11.

Whatever happens, try to record the experiences in a journal.

Apologizing  |  Releasing guilt  |  Forgiveness  |  Grieving  |  How to raise Self-esteem  |  How to stop Sniping  |  How to build Tolerance  |  How to stop Worrying

Forgiveness
Practicing forgiveness is like exercising a muscle, and exercising it regularly will help to ensure strong spiritual health. Apologizing, letting go of guilt and forgiveness are crucial if we are to find our true selves and our true life path, but being trustworthy is just as important in building strong, healthy relationships. Visit WikiHow and learn How to build trust.

Feelings of anger or sadness must be released before forgiveness can grow. In this case, do the Grieving exercise before proceeding with forgiveness.

What does it feel like to forgive?
When we forgive, it can feel as though a burden has been lifted, or as if someone has put out the fire inside of us. The challenge is to see that holding onto negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions and directing them at whoever hurt us do nothing to hurt the other person. Non-forgiveness can create all sorts of health problems, even obsessive thoughts, but not for the other guy.

Exercise 1
How do I do it?
Simply be willing. Sounds too simple, right? But it really is just that easy.

• Ask for assistance.
• Get centred.
• Look at yourself in a mirror and from your centred space, think of someone who makes you angry, or who has failed you or harmed you in some way. Ask your guide to give you some understanding about the person and the situation, that will help you to see their humanity.
• Say the words, "I forgive you" and mean it.
  

What can happen when I do it?
The pain can stop, sometimes immediately. There may be an overwhelming urge to cry.

How often should this be done?
Practice forgiveness whenever someone fails us, hurts us or makes us angry, before resentment sets in and before the urge for revenge becomes irresistible.

Action
Think of the person we have forgiven. How do we feel when we imagine their ? Is it different to how we felt before this exercise? If not, then the exercise is not yet complete. Ask the Universe for more information about the situation. The exercise is complete when we can think about the person who hurt us without having any negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. After forgiving at least five people, move on to Exercise 2. Whatever happens, try to record the experiences in a journal.

Exercise 2
Now that we know how to forgive others, it is time to start forgiving self. For this exercise, begin by asking questions, for example:

• Am I angry with myself? If so, why?
• Do I have unrecognized anger or resentment toward myself? If so, why?
• Am I holding onto old, painful issues? If so, what are they?
• Do I often feel the need to punish myself? If so, why?

Remember to ask for assistance while getting centred, then ask your questions. Listen to your thoughts for at least 15 to 30 seconds after each question. Pay close attention to your body too, for your guide may use physical signals to communicate with you.

Action
What happened? Were your questions answered? Whatever happens, try to record your experiences in a journal.

Exercise 3
Now it is time to forgive everyone. Think of anyone, from any time in our life, for whom we are holding a grudge. Forgive them - now - because not doing so would be like holding onto a rotten apple and storing it with the good ones.

It may seem like a small thing, but forgiveness is actually the crucial first step in preventing, and in healing, chronic disease. So how does that work?

Holding onto old hurts is like putting them into a mental vault for safe-keeping. Every now and then we open the vault to review them, or every now and then a current experience triggers memories of them. Our pain is refreshed, and it is almost like picking a scab too early. The pain makes us re-justify our reasons for keeping any unhealthy habits that we developed to cope with the hurt. These habits can be spiritual, like holding onto negative emotions, or they can be physical, like having addictions, living in co-dependent relationships or acting in self-destructive ways (see obsessive/compulsive behaviours).

This never-ending cycle of reliving old pain takes a physical toll on our system, because our thoughts are transmitted throughout our entire body. After all, we are spiritual beings inside physical bodies. As we think, so do we feel.


More about forgiveness
Mental exercise
Pretend that someone has raised a hand to slap you.
How does your body react to your fear?
What are you thinking?
(There are no wrong answers)

Next, pretend that someone has publicly humiliated or embarrassed you.
How does your body respond to your shame?
What are you thinking?
(There are no wrong answers)

These physical reactions to spiritual thoughts of fear or shame create disease by damaging our physical bodies at cellular level. As the years go by, the damage builds up and, once a certain threshold has been breached (everyone’s threshold is different), diseases develop. Such disease is rooted in a lack of forgiveness, because when we withhold forgiveness, we hold onto negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions and it is these that make us sick.

The good news is that we can short-circuit the disease cycle. Forgiveness takes painful memories out of our mental vault. Our curiosity and desire to learn Truth raise us beyond pain as we search for understanding. We see that it is safe to look, and to feel, and we find that it is ok to let go. Forgiveness enables these memories to move to a different location in the brain from where they can be recalled, and even shared, without re-inflicting anguish.

Forgive the dead?
Sometimes it is necessary to forgive someone who is no longer alive. Just because people have died does not mean that God expects or requires us to automatically forgive them, or that we need not consciously forgive them. We have free will, and we can forgive or resent - the choice is ours.

It is not speaking ill of the dead to acknowledge that they hurt us. In fact, not doing so denies our true feelings and can leave us feeling guilty for holding onto the pain that we experienced. Magically elevating someone to sainthood upon their passing, when we know that they were anything but saintly, creates additional suffering and anguish for us. It can also give others the false impression that we are kind and forgiving. Without forgiveness though, true joy simply cannot be felt.

Forgive ourselves?
Just as important as forgiving others, is the need to forgive ourselves. Since self-hatred is one of the most common spiritual components of disease, addictions and negative life patterns, does it not make sense that if we can find some way to forgive ourselves that we might finally find peace and healing?

We cannot live our lives wishing and hoping that someone will forgive us for something we have done or not done, or that they will give us permission to forgive ourselves. It is up to us to forgive us. It is up to us to be the best that we ourselves can be.

An example from my own life
When I first started working with the Universe, the how-to of forgiveness was unknown to me. Oh sure, I had heard of it. I went to Sunday school when I was young and learned that Jesus taught us to forgive, and keep forgiving - seventy times seven times if need be. But what is it? How do you actually do it?

Forgiveness comes down to just letting go
Well, start with the first hurt we can recall. I started by trying to forgive my birth parents for giving me up for adoption. It took a while, but I finally got the hang of it. Next came my adopted sister, the bully in my kindergarten class, the mean neighbour boys; I kept going all the way up through the years of my life. Let me just say I had A LOT of forgiving to do, so I got a lot of practice. The more I did it, the easier it became. Now I know I have fully forgiven someone when I can go over the experience in my mind - see their face, remember the words, everything - and not feel any anger or hatred or desire for revenge. I know that I have forgiven myself when I can look in the mirror without cringing or wincing. Forgiveness is like a muscle - the more we use it, the stronger it gets. With regular practice, it becomes an almost unconscious habit.

Dilemma
Of course all this forgiveness creates a dilemma: How do we forgive others, yet protect ourselves from toxic relationships? Does God expect us to stay in relationships with “repeat offenders”? To solve this dilemma, we need to know what forgiveness is not.

What forgiveness is not
Knowing what forgiveness is not, is just as important as knowing what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is not a bargaining chip, for example, saying to someone, "I'll forgive you if you ...” Forgiving others does not mean that we have to allow their abusive or negative behaviour, nor does it mean that we can trust them to change their behaviour. Most importantly, it does not mean that we must stay in toxic relationships. In fact, sometimes it is necessary to completely limit contact with those who have harmed us. Doing so does not mean we have not forgiven them - it means that we are honouring, respecting, and protecting ourselves. It means that we are trusting God to provide for them the lessons that they need to move forward spiritually.

Forgiveness from God?
Since the Universal Intelligence sees all human experience as education, there can be no such thing as sin. Since there is no such thing as sin, there is nothing to forgive. The Universal Intelligence does not ever judge, criticise or condemn us, but we will experience the logical outcomes of our choices.

Apologizing  |  Releasing guilt  |  Forgiveness  |  Grieving  |  How to raise Self-esteem  |  How to stop Sniping  |  How to build Tolerance  |  How to stop Worrying

Apologizing  |  Releasing guilt  |  Forgiveness  |  Grieving  |  How to raise Self-esteem  |  How to stop Sniping  |  How to build Tolerance  |  How to stop Worrying

How to raise self-esteem
Self-esteem is the ability to accept our good - and not-so-good - thoughts, attitudes, emotions, beliefs, desires and behaviours without judgment, criticism or condemnation. Self-esteem and self-respect go hand in hand. Believe it or not, we are born with these qualities, but we can lose them all too easily. The challenge then, is to regain them. Good news! We can learn how to do just that. Once we learn the spiritual component(s) of why we withhold self-esteem and respect from ourselves, we can begin to earn them back. How? By accomplishing small tasks that help us to see our worth. Gaining self-esteem and respect is not a quick process, but, as with apologizing, forgiveness and tolerance, can be learned and strengthened by practicing.

Here are some of the spiritual components of low or unstable self-esteem:

• Blaming
• Lying
• Not following through on commitments
• Constant criticism from a loved one

Poor self-esteem can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, and guilt and shame can lead to:

• Chronic feelings of self-doubt, fear and/or anxiety and worry
• Co-dependent relationships
• Depression
• Addictions to certain behaviours or substances
• Being easy for others to manipulate

How do I build self-esteem?
Start small: Set a goal for self that is easily achievable. Could be something like, "I will not complain today." Throughout the day, every time something fails to go quite right, remember the commitment. Do not let go of it, no matter what happens. At the end of the day, meditate about how it felt to achieve the goal and record the experiences in a journal. Record all of the experiences that made you want to complain along with the reasons.

What can happen when I do it?
There may be a feeling of pleasure or satisfaction. As each day without complaining passes, we might feel a little less angry. (If you find yourself feeling more angry, then there is an inner conflict that needs to be resolved.)

How often should this be done?
Every day for a month, live up to the commitment. After that month, set a new goal for the next month. The goal needs to address some negative behaviour within self. Maybe we are always running late, maybe we are always making excuses for not being on time for appointments ... could be just about any behaviour at all that affects your life negatively. Try choosing one that bothers our friends or family members.

Next step
Continue setting goals for yourself that are gradually more challenging to meet: Today I will work on one of the tasks I have been avoiding (even if it is only for 15 minutes) → Today I will not judge myself harshly → Today I will not criticise others

Action
Practice, practice, practice. Whatever happens, try to record the experiences in a journal.

Apologizing  |  Releasing guilt  |  Forgiveness  |  Grieving  |  How to raise Self-esteem  |  How to stop Sniping  |  How to build Tolerance  |  How to stop Worrying

How to stop sniping
Verbal sniping is the pattern of taking every single opportunity to point out someone's flaws to make them feel bad and to make self feel big and powerful. It is judgment, criticism and condemnation, and a passive/aggressive act of manipulation. It is NOT done out of a desire to help someone.

What if I do it?
Meditate to find out which thoughts, attitudes or emotions make us feel the need to strike out.

How do I stop doing it?

• Ask for assistance.
• Get centred.
• Listen to your thoughts.
• Ask your guide to show you a recent occurrence to help us understand the root cause of our behaviour, or what triggered us. Once that understanding has been gained, it becomes easier to let go of the need to react in such a way. Remember: no one deserves such treatment.

What can happen when I stop?
At first? Probably not too much. There might still be the desire to strike out verbally, but resisting the temptation really can be its own reward. A feeling of pleasure arises when we take the moral high road. Self-worth grows along with self-esteem. As those traits strengthen, the need for the old behaviour decreases - often dramatically. Eventually, we will find it hard to believe that we ever sniped. Note that you may become sensitive to hearing it from others.

What if someone does it to me?
First of all, look within to see which of our words or actions might have caused the individual to react in such a way. Check with our guide to see whether we have some negative beliefs about self. Do others often treat us disrespectfully? Do our thoughts continually repeat past negative experiences? If so, the root cause may well be an inner conflict. Once the issue has been resolved, new behaviours and beliefs become easier to adopt.

Next time, call them on it. Let them know that what they did was hurtful. Whatever happens, try to record the experiences in a journal.

Apologizing  |  Releasing guilt  |  Forgiveness  |  Grieving  |  How to raise Self-esteem  |  How to stop Sniping  |  How to build Tolerance  |  How to stop Worrying

How to build tolerance
Tolerance is the ability to observe people or to have experiences without having negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions. When we see something we do not like, the tendency is to have a negative thought about it. Sometimes the dislike can even become an obsession if we focus on trying to make that thing change, when, in reality, changing it is completely beyond our control.

Tolerance is like a muscle, and exercising it regularly helps ensure strong spiritual health. Having negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions harms us all. Intolerance creates much of the turmoil on this planet, because we usually try to change the things we dislike - and when we try to change someone else, we get into trouble. Why? Well, we all know how it feels when someone tries to "correct" us. It feels like control, right? It feels like we have been judged, criticised and condemned. We then get angry - maybe with self, but more likely with the one who is trying to change us. So maybe an argument erupts, or worse, communication ceases. It is far better to focus on our own negative thoughts, attitudes and emotions - things we can actually change.

Becoming tolerant is not easy or fast, but, as with apologizing and forgiveness, can be learned and strengthened by practicing.

Exercise 1
How do I do it?

• Ask for assistance.
• Get centred.
• Look in the mirror (full length if possible).
• Listen to your thoughts. Pay attention to every single negative word. Ask your guide to help you understand the root cause of each of those thoughts. The guides are able to seemingly turn up the volume of our thoughts. It can be a little unnerving at first since we are not used to hearing ourselves think, but this helps us to raise our spiritual awareness.

What can happen when I stop judging myself?
Our thoughts become clearer. A feeling of pleasure arises.

How often should this be done?
Start with once a day and keep practicing until we can observe self with loving eyes. The goal is to have no negative thoughts about self - the ultimate goal is to have no negative thoughts at all, about anyone, but this is a work-in-process. It may sound impossible, but keep practicing.

Action
Look at self in the mirror and listen carefully to your thoughts. When you can watch for 15 seconds without having any negative thoughts at all, it will be time to lengthen the duration of watching and listening. Increase to 20 seconds, then to 25 and then to 30. (Until we have become adept at staying focused on hearing our thoughts for any longer than that, the exercise becomes difficult to self-monitor.) Practice, practice, practice. Whatever happens, try to record the experiences in a journal.

Exercise 2
Now that you are getting used to looking at yourself with love, or at least without cringing, it is time to enlarge the picture.

• Ask for assistance.
• Get centred.
• Turn on the television or streaming device.
• Watch.
• Listen to your thoughts.

The urge to change channels while watching is a clear signal to focus on hearing your thoughts. Might sound like: "That's terrible. He/she should/shouldn't wear that colour. He/she is ugly. That's beautiful. How can they make crap like that? That's stupid. What a mess. How can people treat one another that way? That hairstyle is ridiculous on him. Those people should know better than to let themselves get so fat." These statements indicate that judgment, criticism and condemnation have taken place, and show what goes on in our thoughts almost all the time. The challenge in this exercise is to watch without having any negative thoughts at all.

When you can watch for 15 seconds with no negative thoughts, it will be time to lengthen the duration of watching and listening to your thoughts for negative statements. Increase to 20 seconds, then to 25 and then to 30. The longer, the better! Practice, practice, practice. Whatever happens, try to record the experiences in a journal.

Exercise 3
Now that we are accustomed to looking at our physical appearance and others’ without negative thoughts, it is time for the next step - learning to observe our negative behaviours without having negative thoughts.

How can I possibly do that?!
As always, by practicing. Whenever we hear self say something like, "I should have/ shouldn't have done that", ask our guide what our motivation was. Find the root cause. With full understanding, it gradually becomes easier to let it go. The benefits of doing so are twofold: Firstly, the pattern will gradually change until it is no longer is repeated. Secondly, by understanding our own behaviours, we become more able to understand those of others. When we understand something, it becomes easier to observe without condemning it or trying to change it.

Action
Think of one of our negative behaviours. Maybe it is having a constant need to check and recheck that we have done something. Maybe it is a chronic need to spend money - could be almost anything. Think about the behaviour and listen carefully to our thoughts about it. We are becoming more tolerant when we can think about our behaviour without any negative thoughts. Whatever happens, try to record the experiences in a journal.

Apologizing  |  Releasing guilt  |  Forgiveness  |  Grieving  |  How to raise Self-esteem  |  How to stop Sniping  |  How to build Tolerance  |  How to stop Worrying

How to stop worrying
'Worrying' means having busy thoughts; trying to figure out how everything is going to turn out; trying to plan everything; trying to figure out what others are thinking or how others will react (or are reacting) to our action(s). Habitually reliving past experiences and trying to make them have a different outcome is another form. Worry is not necessarily thinking that something bad is going to happen; it can just be going over and over an idea in your thoughts.

Stopping worrying is neither simple nor quick, but, as with all the spiritual exercises, can be strengthened by practicing. Worrying is like a muscle, and exercising it regularly has helped to ensure a very strong negative pattern. Releasing it will take much dedication and practice.

How do I do it?

• Ask for assistance.
• Get centred.
• Listen to your thoughts for about 15 seconds. Pay attention to every single thought you have about something that has not yet happened, or that has already happened. Ask your guide to help you understand the root cause of why you are thinking about them. Once that understanding has been gained, it becomes easier to let go of the need to obsess about it.

What can happen when I do it?
The thoughts become clear. A feeling of pleasure or relief might arise.

How often should this be done?
Start with once a day and keep practicing until you can hear the worry thought, understand the source of it and then stop it before it is even completed. The ultimate goal is to be worry-free. While that may sound impossible, the important thing is to keep practicing.

Action
Listen carefully to our thoughts. When you can listen for 15 seconds without having any worrisome thoughts, it will be time to lengthen the duration of listening. Increase to 20 seconds, then to 25 and then to 30. Until you become adept at staying focused on hearing your thoughts for any longer than that, the exercise becomes difficult to self-monitor. Practice makes progress! Whatever happens, try to record the experiences in a journal.

Notes
Anyone who has quit using an addictive substance will know how the thoughts keep returning to the idea of it. It is the same with giving up worry (the Universe calls worry "mental turmoil"). The worry is the addictive substance. Whether we are thinking about home, work, money, mate, future, past experiences, etc. the challenge in this exercise is to hear ourselves. Once we hear a thought, we can set it aside knowing that, right here, right now, there is nothing that can be done for it. Decide to deal with it when the time is right, rather than in your every waking moment. Just gently set it aside ... tell yourself that you can return to it tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever ... write it down on paper so that you do not have to worry about forgetting it. But for right now, trust that it is ok to leave it alone. Do the same for each separate thought that comes. Of course it takes lots of practice, but the results will make the effort worthwhile.

After we become somewhat comfortable with not worrying, and with having quieter thoughts, it becomes easier to communicate with the Universe. We become able to ask a question to which we genuinely do not know the answer, and then just let it go ... we can wait for the answer instead of endlessly repeating the question or making suggestions as to what the answer might be.

Apologizing  |  Releasing guilt  |  Forgiveness  |  Grieving  |  How to raise Self-esteem  |  How to stop Sniping  |  How to build Tolerance  |  How to stop Worrying